YAY i get to stay home today.
i feel so energized =D heh. i caught up with my sleep. which is a good thing cuz we PARTAYING TODAY!
I going to wem with Helena today cuz everybody's on fieldtrip. but i've already seen bodyworlds. so i'm just going to watch a moviee=DDDD
ehh .i hungry. so i'm going to make food =D
byye
love
bblahbee
Ivan came by today, has been more recent. Why I dont know? All he talks about is himself and all the women who claim to love him, he doesnt even love himself. That is the shit that trips me out. He is� so fucking childish, he has a wii and acts like he aint never had shit in life. Wow is all I can say! I dumped daymon and walt called claiming I was playing on his phone but I wasnt. I have nothing but expletives for both of them wasting my time. Iam sure they will move on to the next chic. who will be gully. Why did either of them think that I am easy or naiive. They both want something for nothing. Especially walt who told me on several occasions he couldnt help me, yet he wanted to help himself to me. And Ivan really thought I was going to kiss his germy nasty ass in the mouth. He must be fucking looney , he told me he be tricking at the hotel with guttter slime for money. I aint hating on a brotha getting paper but I aint putting my lips on that shit. He told me he loves me, I dont care, he says Iam a good listener. Not so, he just loves to hear himself so I remain silent and let him babble on about his meaningful existence.� I went to the store and bought him a sub cool np I told him I had to be back� at� a certain time, he just kept bullshiting/show boating so I bounced walked home. When I came home he was waiting for me. I didnt care that he feigned concern. Big Fucking deal.
How is it that he claims to love me and treat our son like shit, how does that work? Explain it to me cause I just dont understand! I shouldnt have to tell� him David has needs, it should be so damn obvious.� Ivan has to grow up stop manipulating, lying thieving, misrepresenting,� hell morph into some one who is socially acceptable. His whole life is a game/ a joke! 42 years old and nothing to show for. Straight pitiful, he keeps doing the same shit, different women but the same dumb shit. When will he� ever stand up and be a fucking man, if not for him then at least for David.
I'm about to mess DJ up he plays stupid but his ass can hear what I told him to do. My energy is low, patience has headed south and Iam bout to beat him down like he owes me some money. Come to think of it he does! Cant have shit� he is destructive, jacked up my computer for almost a week. Steals anything that� isnt nailed down and blatantly lies about:even when he gets caught.
Iam tired of everything living this filthy apartment, these damn kids I wish often I never had. Being poor depressed taken advantage being thought of as stupid. I simply want out of this pit I currently reside in. I wish there were people in my life that would befriend me without be invading my space/privacy� who werent judgemental, close minded� always trying to make me over. Do these type of people� really exist?� Will� I ever meet a mate who isnt trying to gain something from me or manipulate me or hurt me intentionally. Is this type of man reserved for a specific type of woman. What? I dont understand! I dont want to another man who has been hurt, isnt affectionate ,selfish, "not ready" full of shit, on the rebound or controlling. I cant be who Iam not that is what men who�seek me out dont understand Iam a noncomformist� perhaps a� bit malcontent.
Dinner next door was really very nice. The women were very welcoming and in my opinion we were a good mix of diversity. My worries prior were unfounded, I held my own as the topics of conversation flowed easily from travel to politics. I found out that I went to jr. high with one of the gals, I searched out my yearbook later and think we didn't know each other back then, glad to know her now though, she's very interesting and I hope to talk with her again.
Sunday afternoon hubs and I were relaxing watching a dvd, enjoying a very good vibe for the moment when a woman came to our door asking if D. was home. He wasn't, "Does he live here?", she had a paper in her hand. I naturally inquired what this is about, but she told me that she could't tell me, that she needed to only speak with him. I guess she saw my concern so she tried to relieve my fears by saying, "It's not anything that can't be fixed."
It took a couple phone calls to have her back at my door delivering the paper she'd held away from my view on her last visit. It was from the county, apparently they are summoning him for jury duty because he didn't show up earlier this year when called. AH!! They threatened him with a giant fine and possibly jail, can they do that?!!�
Will the fun never end with this kid? He doesn't get that he shouldn't be bringing this kind of worry to his parents. He owes us peace and the knowledge that as a young adult he's conducting himself in a mannor that produces possitive results and creates confidence in the future.�
I'm not making a big deal over nothing here, the jury duty thing wasn't the only bad news he got this weekend.�Macy's -�has�still got a pitbull's hold on his tail!��Health insurance - oh yeah,�but they want the first two months up front...sure, where's that coming from?�
Times are tough these days can't we just try to keep the chaos down to a dull roar?
LOL, the question for today was: What am I afraid of and why? Let me think, I'll get back to ya!
ok� here I go, over the weekend I went to walt's house. Before I went I� prefaced the conversation with Iam not going to have sex with you I guess he thought I was playing I was fo real. Nothing went down except for the fact that he ignored me.I layed there with my back to him pretending to be sleep for a long time. I got tired of that so I got up got dressed and headed for the door. He agreed to be a gentle man and just hold me. Of course, I should've known� this would never work. After all he is not�daymon, he was a cheap stand in for what /whom I really wanted. What am I doing?� Fucking up the chance that things could've progressed with daymon. We talked frequently about numerous things from religion, relationships family the list is endless. Not sure why I enjoy him, he is quite nosy ! Larry called me this weekend for what reason I dont know. He called to tell me what Daymon thinks of me and what� he is really like. Men are stupid! Where did he get the impression that he had a chance in hell with me. I never gave any inkling that I wanted him.
Oh yeah about today Iam in a slump. No reason my life has gone to shit. Iam not living more like the walking� dead. Iam so fucked up. Havent done shit today, not a damn thing. Just have no motivation, (takling to Daymon right now). I wonder what is up with daymon he isnt like his� optimistic self. I just told him that I am not going to call him anymore, he made me feel bad like it was all me the other night. He initiated what transpired btwn us. Last night when he called and I called him back same thing aloof/ distant.� I guess he only wants to chat with me when there is drama. Dont want to stand in his way of him and god. He acted as if he didnt want to chat with me, cool n.p. I� beat him to the punch , I can read btwn the lines. Tony called me this morning told me I was hostile toward him. Ya think? He's made his agenda clear he wants to fuck,I dont. Where is the confusion?� the time we've been aquainted has been long, yet there is no direction or common goal.� Simply put bullshit lies and deceit. Dont want to travel down that road again.� Hopefully Mr. Right will step on the scene cause the men that I have been engaging arent worthy! This includes Daymon. Iam done with him, if he does call me, fine but I wont be calling him. He blamed me for his actions how dare he not take responsibility for pawing all over me. When he satiated his lust, he was ready for me to leave how convienient!
why is it that people can go to the nhs and have breast reductions and tummy tucks just because they used to be fat and nothing is said yet i need hysterectomy and have to go throught all sorts of things just to get a refferal to the hospital this is something that is affecting my life so badley that i have no quailty of life right now and hardly dare leave the house .yet my sis lost six stone well done her but she whent in seen the gp and came out with a refferal for the hospital for something that is none urgent i dont belive should be done on the nhs when hundreds of people need operations and are in a lot of pain .they say it affects them mentaly well how do you think i feel it's not right i just want my life back so i can be normal again but instead they say well try this and try that it's ok for them it's not destroying there life but it is mine .
Well, I haven't been sleeping too well this past week. Primarily because I keep staying up til five a.m. reading Dresden novels. I swear they are like crack! What's worse it that this is the second time I've read them.�� Anyways I'm waking up around noon so that�I at least have an hour before I go to work. So I'm steadily losing hours of sleep. And this weekend has only exacerbated the matter. I'm the man with the incredibly shrinking sleep cycle! I expect to crash sometime tonight.
David has apparantly lost his spiffy apartment. He broke some of the morality clauses and failed to keep up the apartment to the owner's rigorous cleaning standards. He has thirty days to move out. He might be coming to live with me for a few months to avoid having to stay at his parents. Which means I might be recieving an extra $200 a month! That would be a nice contribution to my trail fund.�
Did I mention that Elias has a job! I think I did...But, I know more of the details now! He's one of two cooks and works Thursdays, Fridays, and weekends. He gets paid $7.50/hr,�which is kinda lackluster if you ask me, but he's getting lot's of hours so he may�actually be able to save up money for the trip.It does mean that I won't get to see him very often, but I'm sorta ready for that.
On the other hand it was nice to have someone around occasionally. But, now I may have Dave with me for a couple of months. Actually, truth to be told, I'm a little ambivelant about it.� I'll be getting paid to let a guy sleep on my couch, but he'll have the run of my apartment in the evenings. Frankly I shudder to think about what may occur around my bed with his girlfriend. Yerch! I guess I'll just have to tell him that my room is sacrosanct, my bed off limits and my stuff�inviolate. Yeah, if I set down the rules I don't think it'll be a problem.
Okay, I'm at work and being distracted by...well...work I guess, so I'm going to log off now.�
See ya!�
Why is math so hard? i hate adding and subtracting fractions.. they make my head hurt!
I hate our other sub though. she sucks at teaching. why can't she just stick to what we're learning. GOD.
i feel so tired =( its all kitty's fault. if she doesnt open the door all the time. then i would get a decent good night's sleep. i should remember to keep the door closed.� oh no. that cat around the neighborhood had more BABIES. god. now there are like... 6 KITTENS living on a porch. We have them kitty's old bed -which is a box with a hole cut in it. we put a pillow in there too! - its raining right now =( i wonder if they'll be warm in our box.� i hope the weeny little kittens dont get sick. =( ASDJFOAIHFOI i can't find anybody who wants a kitten. Arwen already adopted one.. =( poor poor kitties.
-sigh- and here we have SPOILED KITTY. who isn't grateful for everything she has. tsk tsk tsk. she wouldn't even eat the cat food if she doesnt like it. =(
������� blahbee
I've been invited next door tonight to gather and meet what my neighbor calls her support team. I'm honored to be included on this evening. I've heard alot about her gal-pals and in particular her sister,�she's rarely in town so I'm curious about her. Also the other ladies that until now have only been mentioned as�kind, supportive, wise advisers to�P. as she navigates through her life.�
I'm a bit concerned because I'm not used to meeting new people and not having my hubbie with me. I'll be awkward at first I know but hopefully I'll mix in and get comfy enough to let my real gal-pal self shine through.
follow jesus wear a crown thorns first then gold later on
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NoDeadenz 21, Male, New York, USA - 84 entries
