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    SterlynSilverRose  37, Female, Texas, USA - 3 entries
30
Sep 2006
7:41 PM EDT
   

I'm tired. This is stupid but, this is probably the only thing that will listen without complaining to me and hurting me. My humor on this matter is that watch it crash or not be there tommorrow. I was reccomended to a therapist and I haven't gone yet. But, you know something..I'm not the person that needs a psycotherapist. Why talk to someone that can slam you later for it? You must wonder how I deal with my shit right? I thought I could count on friends but, I have decided that it's a dead end no go. Too many times has it hurt me...So thus my human interaction is totally in shambles. Tony, all the work you did to make me act human again. To realize that I was okay...It's been ripped to pieces. I won't ever let you or anyone get that close again. I've decided that if I want to be alone for the rest of my life. Then by God I am going to do it. Why the fuck should I exert myself...? Why in the hell should I give a damn when no one thinks about me. I know it's selfish but, for once I want someone to be there for me. That's laughable though...So shit, leave me the fuck alone if you just wanna be my friend and you think that it's going to be good if I talk to people about my problems. No more. No one will hear about it anymore. When people ask what is up I will wear a mask and go numb. It's kinda like Pagliacci ...except that I am not a murderous clown. But, he was right...you can take a mask and smile and hide behind it while you cry. That is what I will do from now on. This is on humanities head...Fuck humanity...Fuck social order. Most of all fuck those that think that I am acting out a little over the top.
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    kid  34, Female, New York, USA - 20 entries
30
Sep 2006
6:53 AM EDT
   

Fuck besides kelly and sandra yesterday my step mom and sis had the nerve to talk about me behind my back while I was in the next room on the computer I guess they thought I couldn't hear them or they just said it so I could and to just piss me off more.
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    shae  32, Female, Texas, USA - 22 entries
30
Sep 2006
10:20 AM EDT
   

ya shure i agree all the best work is done the way the ants do things by tiny but untiring and regular additions.
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    Mercedez  36, Female, Michigan, USA - 4 entries
30
Sep 2006
9:05 AM PDT
   

I am going out of my mind!!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!! I think my best friend is leaving today to go live with her mom in california, I tried to get ahold of her all day long and cant seem to get ahold of her. If you want to know whats wrong read my other journal entries Ive done today. and leave me some advise if you would please!!!
1 comment(s) - 04:46 PM - 09/30/2006
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    Mercedez  36, Female, Michigan, USA - 4 entries
30
Sep 2006
9:02 AM PDT
   

I really need some help, I dont know what to do, I really like this guy that my best friend who is like my sister used to like, but come to find out yesterday she told me she liked him and it hurts her so much to know that I like him alot and that he kissed me wednesday. I didnt even know she still liked him and now she's about to move to california with her mom just to forget everyone and everything here including me, I really dont want her to move I just hope she understands how much of a family she is to me. she is like my little sister and I love her, I dont want to lose her as a friend she's the only person I can trust to tell her everything but the thing is she made me promise not to stop likeing him because of what she said. I dont know what to do its really confusing I really need some advise could someone give me some advise on what I should do? I would really like to hear some comments. PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I LOSE MY BEST FRIEND FOR GOOD!!!!
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    kid  34, Female, New York, USA - 20 entries
29
Sep 2006
8:30 AM EDT
   

Wow yesterday was not great I made the guy i like cry over the phone and it finally got to me this morning and I just broke down crying and I fell apart and had to talk to a friend to calm me down.
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    kid  34, Female, New York, USA - 20 entries
29
Sep 2006
6:17 PM EDT
   

This is really pissing me off my 2 so called friends ratted on me for doing something that will get me in trouble damn it!!!! man I'm pissed!
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    DancingButterfly  48, Female, New York, USA - 13 entries
29
Sep 2006
11:32 AM EDT
   

The week is finally over! It's been a slow and painful week. Not because of the work (or lack of work), but because of everything outside of work. My uncle's situation took a turn for the worse (a lot worse) all of the sudden, so my mom took the flight back to Taiwan the next day. Now it's just the matter of when...=/ Even though death is something that everyone will eventually face, it never gets easier no matter how many times you've seen it. It does make one wonder though, what is the point? What is the point to study hard, work hard, raise children, get old and sick, then pass away, so your children can do the same thing all over again, and in the process wasting natural resources and killing more animals (and maybe even others)? Being a highly respectful doctor in the biggest hospital in Taiwan, my uncle has done extraordinary job every step of his life. He worked so hard for so long that he didn't even realize how sick he was till it was too late. I wonder what he is thinking now under the mask of life support, is he thinking back on all the things he's done in his life, regretting the time he didn't get to spend with the family, worrying about the huge medical bills he has incurred, or wondering where he might go after this life? Or is he like me, puzzling by the purpose of every single one of us having to go through this life on this earth? Some say we are to set good examples for others throughout our lives, so the people come after us can follow our lead and become better persons than ourselves. Some say our goal is to create. Create things and ideas that didn't exist before our time, create theories and equipment so we can better understand ourselves and the world we life in. Some say we are here to explore our potentials and exceed the old selves throughout our lifetime. However, to me, all these don't answer the question, the question of why we exist. All these reasons are merely means to seek the answer to the question. The very question that haunts every one of us at different points of our lives. I don't know if there's one simple answer to this question, or it will be different for everyone. But for now I just wish for happiness, especially the happiness of my grandmother, who's suffering terribly right now because of this incident. I hope God will watch over her and comfort her the way that we are unable to.
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    butterfly05  38, Female, New York, USA - 8 entries
28
Sep 2006
10:08 PM EDT
   

well, it has been a few days and what can i say, same shit, different day. today wasnt so bad, but my boyfriend really upset me earlyer, im a clean freak, and i love to clean, it is just something i enjoy, and when i moved in here his place was a disaster!! so i cleaned it from head to toe, and i try hard to keep it clean, and he blew up at me today... get this... because im always cleaning!!!! OMG! 1ST OF ALL, ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I ENJOY IT IS CAUSE I FEEL LIKE IM DOING SOMETHING NICE FOR HIM... OH, ILL BE BACK, HE'S COMMING, ILL FINISH LATER.
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    Scandalous05  39, Female, New York, USA - 3 entries
28
Sep 2006
8:15 AM EDT
   

SooooooOOOO.. today was a great rush, because the weatherson the lil nicer side today, so i'm tryin to enjoy it while it last. steamy hot coversations have been errupting between me and some hot guys that have invited themselves to make friends with me. they say u meet the hottest guys when ur in college. well as i stated before, iam currently in a relationship where i'm hapy as far as with the indiviudal, that i'm with but not always as happy with the attitudes and fights(i love him, but i don't quit think it's love yet), but man i can't help but to attract these guys that draw to me, i'm drawn to them, but i know my boundries, the question is, is that do they know theirs? and will i every cross mine out of anger? back to my story so, this guy, which i'll call him "T" sits next to me in one of my morning lectures. "T" is about 6'1,built to the core,sexy arms, calves, the whole 9, dark skin Reincarnation of Adonis .from the first day of me walkin in i knew he was drawn to me, and so as i drwn to him. constant eye contact lead me to walk over and ask if i could share his text book with him, unconciously knowing i too was beginning to cross that boundry that i thought i had made to keep a distance away from men outside of my relationship that i'm currently in;anyway as i asked him he stared at me with a total blank look, as if i were from another planet Mars maybe, and he then said sure have a seat. after that,chemistry just took off, and that became a daily routine, everyday i had this lecture to sit next to him and share his book.one day we got to horsing around and out of know where he pinches my right nipple. at first i was in shock, i felt i wanted to smack him out of automatic reaction. he stared at me with this sexy ass look in his eyes as he gazed into mine, as if to tell me he knew how i already felt about his move before i could even begin to experince the emotion myself. i then felt this horny sensation, i swear i only felt when i was about to do the damn thing with my man,but no..... "T" touch was different, it was a straight"I think ur sexy,ease those thongs to the ground, i'm eating dinner", still silence between us two,he then get up from his seat and heads for the door and automatically i began to follow.as we stepped out of the room right in the middle of my professor's lecture,"T" grabs my hand and being to pull me in to the next empty office, which seemed deserted. all in one motion he closes the door behind him, then locking it and thne gently laying me on the empty desk that sit in the middle of the dark deserted office. he then be gan to ease my sheer tank top over my head and throw it to the ground, as he began to slowly cirlce my now hard as a rock nipple with his juicy full masculine lips. the pleasurable feelings then began to make my pussy water as i began to become more aroused( 2 B Continued)......
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