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blue4u 48, Female, Louisiana, USA - 6 entries

Dec 2006
6:58 PM EDT

sorry its been days since I wrote but my time seems so limited. I've been reading other people's entries and it seems there are people just like me,but maybe not all the same problems??Well my story starts like this..I'm a nice looking girl and I have been married for 11years to my high school sweetheart and soulmate but we had some really bad tragedies in our lives !!!We was married in 1995 and months later his brother that was 14years old passed us in an automoble and loss control and run into a tree head on doing 70mph.. IT killed him and his girlfriend (same age).. Rumors started before they even grew cold that nite.. People said that we were racing . Thats just a bunch of BULL SHIT!!!! My husband was effected very much from this and the rumors but he also had to deal with his parents and grandparents believing the rumors and telling him , it should have been him because his brother was the good one.. So I have tried to support my husband in all ways I know how!! Then 2002 comes along and laborday me and my husband find our daughter floating in the family swimming pool....She was 2yrs old and the most beautiful child you could ever lay eyes on .Talk about have your heart torn out and your guts twisted so tight that a trip to the grocery store was absolutly sickening!!!It affectsthings that you never notice till you've had the world you stand in and live snatched out from underneath you ...... One thing I can recall is the RADIO , I live for music everything in my life had music surronding it,wake up with mtv,vh1,cmt on tv while getting ready for work radio at work, and at nite to sleep..I couldnt stand to hear it anymore and the songs made me hate so much more than I was already dealing with .. I had even got to the point I couldnt be around other people's kids I was so madd because they had their's and mine was gone...My cousin was the worst for me because she never brushed her little girl's hair or dressed her up and take her places?? Most of all it tore me and my husband apart.... So too make along story short my husband started drugs and I,m not talking a little harmless weed.... i'm talking cocain, crack crystal pills,,,,etc...anything to get a high to numb the pain for that second... I still stuck it out with my husband bcause I LOVE him.. eventually it lead to more trouble for him ... IT costed him 1 1/2 years in the pen and I stayed alone with daughter that was 9yearsold and Ihad just had our son that was only 3months old,but I sucked it up and got a job paid the bills and took care of the kids and the house,I still supported my husband Financilly and emotionally...My husband finally made parole and our son was going on to 2yrs old and was just getting to know his dad.. He came home in june and was locked back up again in april, not even 1whole year yet!!!!!!Well you guessed it for the same damn thing DRUGS, now he's facing time up to 2008-2010..Ilove him but I'm growing tired!!! All I want is a normal family .. Is normal asking to much??? I want him to love me the way I love him!! Iknow he loves me just not the way I want .. I have always been faithfull to him,, but this last year I have met someone and I have fallen for him,,But I'm confused if its because I want to be loved or I'm just missing the attention of the oppisite sex.. I always felt good about myself Iknow Im pretty andI'm not concided but here lately it feels like it's slipping away ..It would be nice for aman to notice and say so would be even better!!!! The only thing about the other guy is AGE he's 24 and I'm 29.. Now don't get me wrong I love the sex!!!!! I especially like being the 1 in control and experienced...It's a great turn on and I'm at the peak of my sex life right now and I don't want that to be taken away from me because of the mistakes he has made.. I have feelings for both now either way I go It's gonna be a heartache???? So am I wrong for what I'm doing ???Will things ever change for the good in our marriage????I know in my heart it'll never work with the younger one even though we have the greatest SEX it just wouldnt work??? I think????so I guess one day I'll figure out what I want but I wouldnt mind an opinion or suggestion... So here's where my screen name comes in BLUE4U!!!!!!!!

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charlax 71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries

Dec 2006
3:51 AM MST

sex is not masterbation

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TheMarketPlace 43, Male, New York, USA - First entry!

Dec 2006
3:13 PM EDT

Welcome all To the market place Designed By A Former Ebay powerseller I stopped Selling on eBay in may 2005 because there fees were killing me and I launched www.livemegadeals.com but I have been Researching A way To build an alternative for online trading and thanks to the fpb staff hosting advice and support The Market Place Is Now here now the market place Does not charge any listing fees or final value fees Our Fees are as Follows: Buyers Account Are FREE!!!! But If you want to be a part of our Trusted Buyers Program the FEE Is $10 A Year Seller Account: Normal Sellers Account Fee is $5 A Month Or $55 A Year Gold Sellers Account Fee is $7 A Month or $77 A Year Premium Store Account: have your own Section In Our Premium Stores Section For $10 A Month Or $100 A Year... Our Selling Formats: BUY IT NOW Make Me An Offer I Wanna Trade We have A Feedback System We Call Karma If you Scam Anyone You will be banned!!! Zero Slack On Scammers!!! Allowable Payment Methods For Sellers: Alertpay: http://www.alertpay.com Google Checkout paypal: http://www.paypal.com personal checks[color=darkred][/color]

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jodigirl25 59, Female, Ohio, USA - 40 entries

Dec 2006
2:40 PM EDT

Okay, I got the love letter...but is it a last effort to keep us together?

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rainy1 29, Female, Ohio, USA - 3 entries

Dec 2006
2:09 PM EDT

I am having an argument with my friend. We're all worked out but we aren't going to hang out for a while.

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antoinettemoses1 37, Female, Colorado, USA - 2 entries

Dec 2006
6:14 AM MST

So christmas season has came and gone...what is there to say except i HATE IT...with a passion! Wow im 18 ,moved out of my parents house and they think that they still can rule my fucking life! big supprise. Im so sick of them.ii hate family. there the ones who are suppose to be there for you yet there the ones that will fuck you over the most! life is like a endless deatrh trap waiting to be burn. Its funny how people will waste there money on "stonedachoholic" dumbass and get mad when somone in "need" needs it! but thats life for you. sometimes i look at people ask y god wont punish them for all there hatered deeds yet i get punished all the times...trails and tribulations are what always works against me.lately i have nothing to look forward in life except one thing... I take prides in that one thing so much..hoping that it will never come to a end. but theres no such thing as a happy ending. For the most part i hope life goes on. Im thankfull for what i have.

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Ashli 34, Female, California, USA - 24 entries

Dec 2006
9:05 AM EDT

i have no clue what i did wrong but i have been diowned by my father...my sister told him that i am bisexual and that i haave a girlfriend and he called me horrible things and yelled at me and called me disgusting and he wanted my girfriends number so that he could talk to her and her parents who also dont know that she is bisexual...i refused to give it to him and he slapped me and he pulled me off my bed told me to grab my stuff and walk to my moms house...im confused and scared but now i live with my mom who understands me and cares about me...

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2 comment(s) - 04:18 PM - 01/12/2007

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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Dec 2006
7:46 AM EDT

Physiognomy. In constant doubt of myself i peer into every reflective surface that i encounter. I think to myself, why am I so vain? Vanity? Is that it? Am i just some superficial shallow person like those many i know and scorn at? I think to myself no. I am just insecure. I look into every flaw, or every difference about myself, in a disgusted and pensive manner. My face has the worn look of a 30 year old male. But i am edging toward the last of my teenage years. I am a young woman. Why do i see myself this way? Every part of who i am seems tossed and scattered and it reflects into my phhysical surface...lips once pouting about in protest to the world and people around me now are sagging and pursed in resentment and resignation to my long but technically short life. Eyes once innocent and girlish now carry on the look of scorn and curiosity. Hair once long and flowing is now limp and scraggly around my chubby face, like a lion's mane, like that of a once strong and brave such animal now dying of an undeterminable cause. I am weak. I am sick. I feel dead on the inside and out. I constantly look for meaning and truth in things but it always reverts back to insecutiry and uncertainty about everything in life. I cannot jump to conclusions, there is nothing to conclude. My mind is always racing. Thoughts of my brother surge through my mind and i wonder and wonder why?why why why and how and what and is there really a purpose to life and is this world really as bad as it may seem to the cynical eyes that are screwed insecurrely to my amorpheus self? I do not knoe. Nothing is certain. Nothing is fully true. Everything changes whether you realize it or not. If there is one thing my life lacks it is security and stabilty and steadfastness. I seem to pay attention to things no one else would even bother about. Does this make me strange? Does this make me weird? Do i se retly wish i was "normal" like the rest of the world? Should i succumb to the vanityall around me and finally embrace the fact that i am a shitty worthless elfish person undeserving of mercy and forgiveness for the fact that i can't appreciate anything or show mercy myself? Why do i have to be so spoiled? Why do i have to lack appreciation for things my family members go out of tthey're way to do? Why am i such a bigot? Why can't i just be kind to others aso they in turn would be kind towards me? I wish i could love myself because i can't love those around me unlesss im pokay with myself which in this case i am really really not. It's a nice day today. But icontracted chicken pox in taiwan in spite of the vaccination i got a number of years ago and i feel sick and nauseous and fatigued all over. My sleeping patterns are messed up. I am depressed and anxious and sick and there is just a constant feeling if uncomrtableness that clouds over every part of me all the time. Is this the way of my life? Its constantly growing on me and worsening. I wish there was something i could do to intervene or counter act it but i dont care enough for myself andi am too weak to fight. I am too weak to fight and it is a shame. It is a shame that i lack the willand power to better myself. I really wish i could.

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bouchem 45, Female, California, USA - 2 entries

Dec 2006
6:54 PM EDT

all right finally im home yes..i been at work since 7 am and i rushed home just to jump online check to see if i have an mail on my space and nothing...so i guess ill shower go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow..i had an ok day at work it went by fast i guess thats good tomorrow is going to be a long day im working 12pm intill 9pm plus its going to be my first time closing by my self i dont know if i can do it i hope it goes smooth

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lovesu123 31, Female, Georgia, USA - 3 entries

Dec 2006
6:15 PM EDT

hey today was a good day my dad was sweet but still he did something so bad that i cant firgive him i know god wants people to forgive but i cant.my mom said i should love him unconditionaly but i cant he has done 2 many bad things!omg!!!!!!!!!please help me

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2 comment(s) - 08:50 PM - 12/29/2006

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