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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Dec 2006
5:35 PM EDT

What is a true fact? WHen you come to think of it there is a certain amount of truth to everything. Same thing goes opposite way. THere is always something there to deceive you. It's somewhat like a ratio. And these all abide to every 'known fact' to man. I think God's greatest gift to mankind is the ability to think and to question. WHy go along with what the rest of the world is thinking and doing without any questioning to yourself as to why you are doing everything in a set and standard way without thinking it through your own way first? Always thinking...always questioning. It certainly drives me to a point of some degree of insanity but that's what makes me who i am. I think to a degree me intelligence and ability to question has been channeled into the wrong direction and all the energy has gone stale to the point i end up at dead ends everywhere i go. but i will keep fighting. i will keep questioning. i feel like everything simple in life is a metaphor for something much greater...everything takes place in patterns. everything takes place in extracted patterns, so complex and so commonly occuring to the point we just ignore it and it goes by and dies. we need to grasp that opportunity to sit there and think what nobody else has ever thought of before. we need to cease it and make meaning of it, because who else will? we are given the ability to be different. different in many many ways. some subtle differences...others much larger. we experience everything differently from one another. we are all so similar but completely different from one another, so why bother to conform into the identity and ideas of others when you are destined to become someone and something else? perhaps destiny doesnt exist. that is because one, for the most part, is in charge of their own destiny. man creates his own destiny. sure there are a given amount of circumstances that may perhaps interfere with that, but one must live their own destiny. not the destiny of others. embrace your differences. embrace them because that is who YOU are and no one else can take that from you. And so this is why i believe it is best to obliterate one's inhibitions. To never commit to one mindset and always remain open minded. To never allow oneself to censor one's thoughts. Denial and restraint only keep us from confronting the truth. THe truth of what, i do not know. Just the one and single truth that deep down in the backs of our minds and hearts and souls that we are dying to know. The world that lies beyond the physical...whether it exists or not. Whether you abide by a certain religion in which you found great comfort to rely on, as if it were some kind of crutch to keep you from questioning. From being cynical. See, i dont understand why being cynical and negative is so bad because it, at least for me, keeps me thinking more about 'facts' and knowledge and truth i come up with based upon my own life and my own mind and my own thoughts, not those of others. It's called logic. It's called one's own set of beliefs derived from who they are, not what others believe. I am a cynic. I am a constant questioner. I am null, i am void, i am weird. I dont get why people are so offended if they are ever labeled with the term 'weird'. Id rather be myself then be 'normal'-code-following what everyone else believes and mimicking all their actions instead of being my own true self. Essentially being labeled 'weird', even though labels and generalizations and categorizing a unique individual into a dumbed down subject is something of which i am strongly opposed, is something that one should embrace openly because all it really means is that you are being yourself. You are doing things your way. You are living your life and thinking with your own mind. And as for my view of emotions...having been a highly emotionally sensitive person my entire life all i can say is that the improper amount of emotions usually if not always ends up in depression. Emotions are just the "hearts" defense mechanism. They tell you how you yourself can relate and trust other people, other things, insludimng yourself. but there is one major drawback. all emotions, or at least most, are irrational. they keep you from thinking realisticly. they keep you from achieving things. they hold you back. they are rooted from irrationality. Irrationaly took my brother's life, and it continually threatens my own. Therefore i have come to the conclusion that, for my own sake, i will be as emotionless as i can. i will become a brick wall. i will be a zombie. i will not care. i will not cry. i will only think with all emotions set aside. i want the raw truth. i just want the fucking raw truth. behind existence and behind all things. people and relationships tend to interfere. sure i am about to drive myself to the point of insanity...but i'd rather go this route that live s predestined life of a 'normal' person. its just not for me, you see? it's just not for me. i just want to be free.

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mommy 36, Female, New York, USA - 20 entries

Dec 2006
5:22 AM EDT

Merry X-Mas... Sorry about not writting on Christmas... SO how is everyone? how was everyone's christmas? mine was okay. what what did everyone get? so it their anything new? well that's all i can think on right now, so ttyl... With Love, Krysta

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slickboy 37, Male, California, USA - 20 entries

Dec 2006
4:54 PM EDT

Many people who believe that their life is uneventful and nobody would be interested in them is mostlu untrue. Almost every person who helped somedody in their life or done something appreciative are mostly the people who has been positively in peoples life. If a person have done things to benefit another person and kept in in journals on what they have done it is an achivement but it shows greed toward the person, ang he or she is helping peole to get the benefit that he has done something in your life. For example my father have been to many countries around the world. He had helped individual people and he doesn't brag about it because he knows in moral wsense that he is not the type of person. He is experience with many people and I have beeen proud of him very much because he does the positive in peoples life and shows accomplishment.

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charlax 71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries

Dec 2006
1:10 AM MST

they have a letter in the SMITHSOAEOAN with the signature of George Washington

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charlax 71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries

Dec 2006
1:07 AM MST

eye hope there is lots of food in heaven too

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AguilarBaby 47, Female, Washington, USA - 50 entries

Dec 2006
12:03 PM PST

Hi Baby....today has been some what a "rough" day. I think you are growing and I am feeling it. I was getting all sorts of pains today in my back and in my belly and then I was just way too tired and had to come home and go to sleep and I just was not feeling good. But it is nothing to worry about I am sure b/c this is what to expect with you and I knew that it was not going to be easy. Well your Aunt Roxane and Uncle Ruben are having a Boy! They found out today. We are real excited for them however they really wanted a girl b/c you see they only have boys in between the both of them and they wanted to break that cycle but it did not seem to work so they are going to add one more boy to the family. Well we hope that you are a boy but to be perfectly honest I just want you to be a happy, healthy baby and I am sure you are. I had to go to work today and your Dad did not so I am tired and I am going to feed us and then go to bed. You know I love you and I will talk to you later. We love you always, Mom & Dad

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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Dec 2006
2:22 AM EDT

god, i am so sick of forcing myself through the motions of having to accomodate to the consideration of other people. i feel sick. i cant stand being in my own skin half of the time, and the energy alone put toward the effort of not allowing myself to get upset or depressed over the fact that i fucking hate myself and i hate my life is just overwhelming to the point i just want to scream FUCK IT. i am just so pissed. i just want to go back to new york. i am sick of being in taiwan. i cant really speak to anyone and im gaining so much wait here becuase there is nothing to do but sulk in silence and idleness and EAT EAT EAT because of boredom and nicotine withdrawal. and it sucks hardcore. i hate it. i cant stand life right now. im getting this ancy feeling that comes several times a day where i just cant stand to be alive sometimes and i just really need to hit something or scream or just do SOMETHING to release all this stress and anger. a cigarette would be nice. but i cant do that. because of fsmily. it sucks. i mean im 19. im my own person. im an adult, yes? then why the fuck do i have to suffer for the sake of others? goddamnit. this is my body. this is my life. i do whatever the hell i want with it. i am so sick of trying to change because it never works. im always let down by myself and others. im just not strong enough.i still have another fucking week and a half here in taiwan. it sucks. i just want to fucking leave now. i am goin insane!!!!! i need to get out. im so ancy right now i could punch a wall with my bare fist and not feel it. i just want to leave. now. or else my head is going to explode and im going to continue to imagine these itchy spots all over my body and i neurotically scratch the strangest parts of my body and shake and scream on the insade. i hate this ancy feeling. it comes way too often. i cant stand it. i just need to get the fuck out of here.

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MsLadybugHD8 54, Female, Missouri, USA - 7 entries

Dec 2006
12:54 PM CDT

Well, well...so many days that I haven't posted. But only b/c I haven't had access (I've not been at work b/c of the holiday weekend). So, I thought I might post a thought or two for each prompt from the days I missed: "Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it." - Joan Vinge, The Snow Queen ...I'm not sure I quite understand. Or maybe it's just that I have a different view than someone else might have, although I haven't discussed this with anyone as of yet. But I have to agree. It kind of means that same thing to me as the ol' "you have to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything". "Answer your critics with silence and indifference. It works better, I assure you, than anger and argument..." - Gioacchino Rossini I definitely agree with this. Because often what your critics are desiring, is a argumentitive response from you. And it also shows that you don't have to lower yourself to their standards. "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt ...I couldn't have read a better quote today. My friend, Joe, & I got into a heated discussion last night to a somewhat similar type of issue. I believe that no one should settle for less than their goals (unless of course, their goals are completely unattainable...& that's a whole other issue). But Joe said that he believes we should all settle, because none of us deserve the best of anything. All I can say is that we do have a difference of opinions. As for today's: "People often use the excuse that their lives are uneventful and nobody would be interested in what they have done. But I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to your families, to your children, your grandchildren, and others, on through the generations." - Spencer W. Kimball I have no way really of knowing if this would ring true for me at this moment I don't think. Although I do know that I find it very entertaining to read my ancestors journals, etc. And although I'm not sure the reason, but I've had people read my journals went they weren't invited to, so there was obviously some motive behind it... So, tomorrow I hope to reflect on my weekend. I wouldn't mind doing so now. But I've already posted quite a bit. Not to mention the issues of the weekend are still so fresh, & just maybe whatever happens tonight might change my views on things...or at least I hope...and for the better too. Thank you Lord for my job! I do love it & it provides an escape of sorts from my ordinary daily worries. And thank you Lord for the many other things that I'm failing to mention right now. As it's almost time for me to leave for the day. Hope anyone & everyone who might read this had a wonderful Christmas, or at least they made it through it - maybe next year's will be better. We can only hope!

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dancediva10emily 48, Female, California, USA - First entry!

Dec 2006
4:09 PM N

my life is at a certain level. everything is under control and the world no longer revolves around me (thank goodness). I am having a blast keeping in touch with my cousin, Katie by e-mail. she's a great cousin to have and an entertaining friend. MESSAGE TO ALL JOURNALISTS OUT THERE: Be yourself! Don't let anyone stop you from completing your goals and loving life!! Sincerely, M

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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Dec 2006
12:02 PM EDT

Welcome to a world where only the weakest survive. Welcome to a world where innocence is lost the quickest to those who treasure it most. Welcome to a world of lies and deceit. Welcome to a world full of empty souls that only seek to destroy you. Welcome to a world bereft of meaning and purpose amidst a sea of corruption and selfishness. Welcome to this world where your only defense is apathy and indifference. Welcome to a world where your emotions have been dumbed down to only greed, hatred, and violence. You will lose whatever you treasure most the quickest. Don't fight it, resistance will only give it more energy to work against you. You will find yourself surrounded by hollowed out souls that only wish to take and take until there is nothing left and once they realize that, they look introspectively into their vacant bodies only to realize that they lost their theoretical souls long, long ago. So instead they turn to lies and false hope to keep their empty glasses waiting for the ultimate day that their thrist will be quenched. The ultimate day that does not exist. Welcome to life. Welcome to this world. Take a spoon and dig in as quickly as you can, because i can assure you, that there is nothing left. Karma finds its ways to avoid those who heavily weigh down on destruction and counteract it instead to those who are the meekest and humblest at heart. Don't you see? The strongest don't survive, only the weak. There is no sense of balance. Everything is incredibly f***ed up. This is life. This is the sea full of opportunites...opportunities for things to attack you at the weakest point of your life. This is the sea that will take away those who deserved more. This is the sea. This is the arena. This is the fight that you will never win. Resistance only feeds it with more energy to work against you. You will find that apathy and indifference are your only friends. You will remain empty and unscathed. Your feelings will be reduced down to the simplest, most potent forms of anger, hatred, and violence that scream to surface through but you will remain expressionless until the one day that may never come. That day is a war you will never fight. That war is for a cause greater than life. That cause is hope for everything that you have ever loved. That hope is flourishing and fleeting. That hope never really existed. Welcome to this world. Welcome to this vulture. Welcome to this journey where every step you take is in the wrong direction, but it is a step none-the-less. Don't you see? Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it. With all of this in mind, I cannot blame you for leaving. You had too much heart to fight a war with apathy. You had no weapons because you have a heart. Let this day mark the moment in time where I will fight as steadily as i can. I will fight as strongly as i can. I will fight forever...forever in the name of You.

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