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    annisfavored  52, Female, Arizona, USA - 22 entries
22
Aug 2007
7:12 AM MDT
   

I Am Grateful That:

God is gracious.

He sent His Son to die for me.

He raised Christ from the dead.

Jesus is at the right-hand of the Father, making intercession for me.

The Holy Spirit is the best friend I can have.


    annisfavored  52, Female, Arizona, USA - 22 entries
22
Aug 2007
7:11 AM MDT
   

I Am Grateful That:

  1. God is gracious.
  2. He sent His Son to die for me.
  3. He raised Christ from the dead.
  4. Jesus is at the right-hand of the Father, making intercession for me.
  5. The Holy Spirit is the best friend I can have.

    annisfavored  52, Female, Arizona, USA - 22 entries
22
Aug 2007
7:07 AM MDT
   

I Am Grateful That:

  1. God is gracious.
  2. He sent His Son to die for me.
  3. He raised Christ from the dead.
  4. Jesus is at the right-hand of the Father, making intercession for me.
  5. The Holy Spirit is the best friend I can have.

    berries7cinnamon  38, Female, Singapore - 20 entries
21
Aug 2007
8:32 AM EDT
   

I almost couldn't register what my cousins said when they told me she's gone. I haven't visited her in a week, and to think all these times she's so close to me; to my work place and i didn't even visited her once during the weekdays with stupid excuses i made for myself saying that i'm too tired. it's true that i'm tired; exhausted; zombified. but i still really wish i have made more effort to see her and not be so lazy for once.

now she's gone, the loss is real.

i thought to myself that maybe i'll skip my lunch on monday and just visit my aunt. since i'm having that sickening mensus, i don't have appetite anyway. but i was so stressed and overwhelmed when i went back to work on monday, when i already knew last week i should have gone back to work during the weekends. i could have visited her then as well. but i didn't.
it's saturday, i thought to myself, i want to stay at home for at least for one day without going anywhere.
then on sunday, i hada feeling my mensus was coming and it was due anyway. i couldn't go anywhere else after coming back from watching simpsons movie. i WENT to watch a movie when i could have visited her. i can't... really forgive myself. then at night, mom called and she's yelling over the phone asking why didn't i come visit my aunt and she couldn't reached me at all at my cell phone. i told her i left it in the office. she called me at 8:30pm and i still could have gone there to visit her, just take a cab. but i just decided that i shall do it tomorrow.
tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. later on, later on, later on. in the end, i let her waited for too long.

mom told me aunt had been asking if i'm coming at all. right now, rewinding all these, i feel so sad and so full of regret.

i don't know why i even have the idea of going to visit her during my lunch but cancelled it at the last minute simply because i didn't have the mood due to stress from work. i hate myself.
if only i could travel back in time... if...

God has given me so many chances this year. my cousin and his wife were going to china and they asked me to stay with my aunt during that week because her health hadn't been good. but i was being such a brat and i felt that my mom should really go if it wasn't for her stupid temple.
i don't remember why i was having a bad mood during that time, but it still wasn't an excuse.
i was coughing pretty badly when i stayed over at her house. she made me porridge when i was supposed to be the one to take care of her. all i did was to read those stupid manga. i could have spoken to her, talk with her more.
she asked me to help her go buy 4D, and i totally hated it because i never like this 4D and i was coughing real bad. she said that i could go buy mcdonald's hamburger and then we can share it later on.
but i took my time and in the end she just said forget about the mcdonald, just go buy 4D will do.
right now, i just feel so bad. so bad.

ifeel likei've entered into a time limbo ever since i learnt that she's no long here with us. it just feels too unreal. even at the funeral wake, i would pause for a while from time to time thinking whose funeral is it?
�
all these seem too unreal, and the feelings are raw. like maybe the next moment she'll call me and tell me to come over to her place because she has cooked up some stuff.
i'm really glad that i ate her rice dumpling this year because this is truly the last time i will ever have it made with her efforts, her love.
i want her to see my boyfriend and approve of him, be at my wedding, see my kids.
she's been here for me ALL my life, yet... it feels like i've done nothing for her at all.
�
mom said it's a relief for her to go so peacefully. she's diabetic and her left foot's wound was too stubborn to be healed and she couldn't go through operations because she had weak heart.

she kept telling my mom saying that maybe she shouldn't ask me to scatch her back so that i wouldn't get frightened and never wanted to come again. that's not true. so not true...

at her wake, i thought that if i really want it bad enough. i could will her back to life. she looks so peaceful, like she's sleeping. like she might wake up any time and ask me to massage her legs, talk with her.
i kept telling her i love her a lot in my mind. and that i don't mind scratching her back for her. i really, really love her more than i know.

so it's true that you'll never know the value of someone until they are really gone. i wish i don't have to learn it the hard way.

few years ago, i was too young, too foolish.
now, i'm young and still TOO foolish.
i miss her...

    nodeadends  19, Female, New York, USA - 29 entries
21
Aug 2007
8:09 AM EDT
   

Ok here we go ... the cracker spoke to the kids in regard to the allegations I made against Joey. She spoke to the kids n.p. there, but most of her question was geared toward me. I don't know why she didn't show more interest in DJ and his situation. This is why I can't stand them nosy over zealous mother fuckers! If I have said it once..... Those crackers don't raise their children like African Americans do! I was watching wife swap last night one black couple and white couple the shit was off the hinges! Whites don't believe in corporal punishment that's why their kids are ill mannered and unruly. You would never see mine cutting up in public, I would whip that ass right on the spot.

That bitch was all up in business asking what my son said were "stupid" questions; Like does your mom feed when you're hungry, does your mom spank you, who resides in your house?. Whom do you live with? She already knows this, what she doesn't know is that I have prepped my kids on how to respond to questions from cps.

Spanking is not against the law, nor is it abuse. I made the mistake of giving her my work number this is a business, not the appropriate place for me to discuss what is going on with DJ. In some ways I regret calling them at all. They are like roaches once you have them its hard to exterminate them from you life.


    maskbeforeme  44, Female, Arkansas, USA - First entry!
21
Aug 2007
7:04 PM EDT
   

well... it is late, tired, long day. I have a lot of experiences and emotions built up. while checking some things out I found this place. FINALLY, a place where I can say what I want and what I feel and no one really knows who I am!
I dont people I know about my personal life, even though I have already let a lot out there. my soon to be ex husband has had affairs and just talking about them with people you know makes it very uncomfortable!
after 7 years of marrige this happens, Im still pissed. I forgave but can not forget. the things I have went through the last year with him, my daughter and many guy and friend experiences are enough to knock anyone on their feet. but instead, I have to hold it together. be a single mom and work full time. show my daghter the amount of love I have for her, and want somewhat of a love life.
sometimes when I see me ex remember the love we shared and it feels like we are back in that moment. then I pass the place where he had an affair. or I see a baby boy that looks lke the age of his kid that he had in one of the affairs and all these hurt feeling resurface. on one hand he is an amazing, caring guy who was so in love with me and then there is the other hand... if he still loves me so much how can I even consider getting back with him? if he was SO in love with me and worshipped me like he did before and did what he did and I had no idea then how can I make a marriage work? UGH! aggravation!!! I feel like a failure some days. a faliure as a wife, a mom and a person. so much to say...

    vjaychowdhary  44, Male, India - 245 entries
22
Aug 2007
3:42 AM I
   

Bangalore: India skipper Dravid won the toss and elected to bowl first, in the overcast conditions at Rose Bowl, in the first of the seven-match ODI series against England at Hampshire County Club's home ground.
India picked leg-spinner Piyush Chawla adding depth and variety to its attack, while all-rounder Flintoff is back in England squad after a long injury lay-off.
Tags: Ckt
1 comment(s) - 04:21 PM - 08/21/2007

    smb  49, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries
21
Aug 2007
2:27 PM MST
   

Here it is Tues and I still feel crapy and my heart is still doing that flutter, palpatation thing that makes me feel sick afterwards but not as frequently. I wonder if it is just stress... that bothers be because usually I handle stress so well.... I am worried it is something serous about my heart I am so not making that heart thing up!!! It seriously makes me feel like crap.... I have just NOT been myself this past week! I am too scared to go to the Dr. plus I don't have time... they will just put me though lots of tests, I would have to go to a heart Dr. out of town! AGH! I am actually reporting back to work tomorrow, (Wed) and then work is full on so I don;'t have time at all! BUT, I am scared too that if I have something serious and don't get it checked out that I could put myself in danger. I actually think more of my boys! I HAVE to take good care of myself for my boys! They NEED their mommy! They lost their daddy and can't lose their mommy too! What is God trying to tell me? What do I need to do? I think I am going to stop my Master's for now and start on anti-depressants again and see what happens if the heart thing doesn't get better I will call the Dr. by Fri.

J's last counceling today:

    jesssie  32, Female, Canada - 69 entries
21
Aug 2007
3:13 AM EST
   

I know it's pretty early still, its only 9 oclock - fairly early for a teenager who usually sleeps in past noon. I will probably be writing a few more times today, if not just once; but right now here are my thoughts.

The one part of my body I have to give most credit to, would be my brain. More specifically, the memory. Memories are like subconscious movies that could play over and over in your head, and your brain just stores them? Like, I really don't know. I am very happy they exist though - no matter how great, or how upsetting they may be.

It's back to school on the 4th of September, for me. I have to admit, for someone who isn't too big on school, I'm really excited. I'll take that statement back after the first week though, I promise! Ebay is a great thing. I got like 5 pairs of flats (brand new!) for under $60? I'm pretty sure thats a good deal, and that is including S&H. So.. I think I made off quite well with that one. Speaking of shoes, and clothes too, I seriously need a job. I really do! A good one.. I applied at Tim Hortonsa couple months ago and never heard back from them, which is kind of disappointing because I really was looking forward to that job. But now I guess I'll have to apply somewhere else. I really hope Swiss Chalet is hiring. My friend Julie works there and she says it really is great. I'm hoping she's right... and I'm hoping I get hired!

And, I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY. But, as luck would have it.. he has a girlfriend. The thing is, he liked me before and I lost my chance because I was waiting around for someone else. Proves that waiting around for someone never does you good -especially since in my case, the guy i was waiting around for never came through and I ended up losing him as well. That's basically the story of my life.

I have an incredible person to thank for everything she has done and helped me with. TKE! I love you to death! You truly are a best friend to me, and I couldn't even replace you if I tried; so do not worry about a thing.

I think that is it for right now.

    dee23  53, Female, United Kingdom - 170 entries
21
Aug 2007
7:17 PM GMT
   

for the first time in god knows how long i'm child free for the evening and guess what i've nothing to do nowhere to go and my other half is at work all night so hows that for sods law .so here i am talking to you instead nothing else going on in my life at the mo just same old stuff shopping cooking cleaning you know how it goes same day in day out god what a boaring life i lead anyway time to go


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