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So, I have been up all night. Again. I really should be going to bed more. I live with the most wonderful man, that I love more than I know how to say. Yet, most nights he goes to bed alone, and I stay up. I could go to bed now, but I know I'll just disturb his sleep. So I postpone. I'll wait until it's nearly time for his alarm, then I'll go and cuddle him - and then I'll finally fall asleep. In a way, it's better this way. I know he sleeps better when I'm not tossing and turning and fidgeting next to him. And I sleep when I would otherwise be on my own here. And then we get the evening together. So, it's not all bad. It's probably for the best. Except, that isn't the reason I don't go to bed with him. I stay up because I'm terrified of going to bed, and trying to sleep in the dark, and having nightmare after nightmare, and lying awake in the dark full of anxiety I can't dispell. So tired. So very damn tired. If only being tired was enough to enable me to sleep.
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