So many people claim to love someone unconditionally, when they really don't understand what they are committing to. I believe that the only true unconditional love one can have is the relationship between parent and child. Children often have parents who abuse, neglect or just disappoint them, yet I, personally, as a step mother have seen my step daughter go thru all of that with her bio mother yet her love for her mother hasn't been deluted one bit. The same goes for me and the love I feel for my daughters. There is nothing they can ever do that will make me not be in thier life or stop loving loving. My husband and I promised and discussed loving each other unconditionally before and after we got married. 7 years later, we are separated, have gone thru a 5 yr court battle, he's beeen to prison, cheated, lied and done everything horrible that a husband can do to a wife, yet I do still love him unconditionally and will continue to do what I can to ensure his health happiness and well being. Although I have reminded him that most women wouldn't react the same, reminding him of the dentist wife who ran her husband over several times after discovering him cheating once, or Lorena Bobbit, Left Eye (RIP). The worst I ever did was throw of few of his clothes in the plastic pool on the patio! While in prison, he began writing to me about how sorry he was (our problems began when he met a drug dealer and his girlfriend and he relapsed after several years clean and sober) how he realized how he'd done me wrong and was clean and sober and sounded like the man I first met and fell in love with. May be hard to understand unless you are an addict or have loved one, but almost immediately after his relapse, in my mind I was conditioned to separate to two people and kept hoping that if he could just get clean, I would get the man I loved back. I now realize that may never happen and my priority is keeping our daughter safe physically and emotionally while still trying to allow her a father. So when he actually started calling from jail and was so happy to hear my voice and then wrote saying that still loved me, that his infidelity was the worst mistake he'd ever made and he said he wanted us to stay married it was what I had wanted to hear, but I immediately wrote back telling him he needed to be sure of what he was saying, because to ask me to consider the idea was asking me to leave myself vulnerable to pain that I still was working hard to get over and didn't know I would be able to go thru it again. Again, my love for him is unconditional. I did allow myself to be open to the idea, but tried hard not to have expectations. Well, he's been out about a month and of course his behavior changed after about 2 weeks. No longer the joy when he picked up the phone, now it's a harsh "WHAT?" when he answers my calls and although I dont' think he's using agian, he's not working a program and all that does is make him angry and a self centered ass. Yet, again I will tell him I DO love him unconditionally. He says he loves me. The problem is he can't deliver love to me in any way that I can feel. Words are empty when they aren't backed up with action, and words aren't neccessary when the actions prove love. Some people need to hear it. Some people need to see or feel it. I have sacrificed everything to try and ensure this man's freedom, safety and well being regardless of what he had done to me (and trust me, if you turn on the Lifetime Movie channel at any time, whatever story is on, some of it will reflect what's happened to me! LOL) Here's that catch. LOVING HIM IS UNCONDITIONAL. BEING WITH HIM DOES HAVE CONDITIONS) I had 4 simple rules when we met and started dating. My deal breakers with every boyfriend I've ever had. 1. Don't lie. I'm not your mother, I may not agree, but it's your life and at least if you tell the truth I can have respect for you and trust you.. 2. Don't be abusive, verbally or physically, and if you do ever decide to physically strike me, I suggest you knock me out, because if you don't I will find the biggest heaviest thing I can and beat the crap out of you with it (He's 6'4" over 200 lbs, I am 4'll") then, if you knock me out, make sure to look over your shoulder the rest of your life. 3. Don't cheat. You decide you'de rather be with someone else, just tell me, I won't fight for someone who doesn't want me. 4. If you relapse, own it, get right back in treatment and work a program, I won't stay and let you flush your/our life down the toilette. He broke all 4 rules. For all those women who feel obligated to the vows they made or feel that loving someone means you must stay with them, stop and think. You can love someone, just don't love than more than yourself. When you consistantly feel worse after having contact with that person, not better about yourself, when you feel unworthy, not good enough, when you have made that person a priority, but they have made you an option, get out. Love is often a feeling you can't control, you just love who you love. Staying with them is something you can control. Choose yourself everytime. If you don't, the fact is, you'll never have the love you want, because the person you love will never respect you when you allow them to treat you bad anyway. It's a catch 22. Love freely, but make sure you start with yourself.
I am a huge believer in, dare I say this, just so most of you will understand what I'm talking about.....the concept of "The Secret" or "The Law of Attraction". I prefer to believe in a more spiritual based concept based on the work of Emmet Fox. It's viturally the exact same concept except he actually has the balls to call it "GOD". Not The Universe, or a Cosmic Law. He takes the entire concept and shows you how it is explained in the bible all over, if you just look for it. He says that the if we can really come to know God thru prayer, daily and choose to view GOD as the true source of all we need and keep our thoughts and feelings positive and maintain an overall "general feeling of Love" (Even those we dislike) for each other, we can create the life we really want tohave. Manifest the perfect job, house, parnter, health, life, thru him and using the power he has already given us. I'm trying, so hard. But frankly, if you turned on your tv to channel 38, the Lifetime Network, doesn't matter when, that would be my story, it's almost comical, and I guess laughing keeps me from curling in a ball and crying. Why is it so hard to change?
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