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    bettyboxedin  35, Female, Canada - 24 entries
15
Oct 2006
5:31 PM CEST
   

i am beginning to sink back into a deep depression once again and have lost all insperation. here is a poem i wrote a few weeks ago. demonds lurk they lurk esspeclially at night cling to the shadows of my mind whisper my deepest fears to me cutting me scareing me bleeding my blood like an endless river you seek good nights and nightmares seek me
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    garebear  32, Male, Oregon, USA - First entry!
15
Oct 2006
7:22 PM EDT
   

wow its my first entry im so excited to meet my first friend
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    gunsnroses  33, Female, Greece - 16 entries
15
Oct 2006
5:47 AM EDT
   

bullies suck, suck, suck :(
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    llarson  59, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries
15
Oct 2006
3:04 PM MDT
   

Today was up and down. Seems this, as I like to call it, rollercoater ride of shit just keeps on throwing me around curves. Woke up and things were good, starting moving some things into the house, got to be with the baby, had my man. It's almost perfect. I was nervous about moving things in, not so much in the fact that I was moving in with Dave and that we are starting a life together, but more so in the fact of how he feels. He says he is happy and wants me to be there with him and the kids, but I also know that because of past relationships that he is somewhat reserved. We have talked about this and I trust in him when he tells me this is what he wants. We really do have the best relationship, we are honest and we talk about everything and make decisions together. The love and trust I have for Dave is the ONLY thing that I know is real at this point. Our only problem is his ex, still lives in the house, very seldom is there. I dont understand why she makes no effort to make a life for herself. Not just for her but for the kids as well. Everyone elses life is on hold, waiting...waiting for her to move on. There has been a deadline set now. I am waiting not so much patiently for her to go. Guess we will see what tommorrow will bring....
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    dave  49, Male, Arizona, USA - 14 entries
15
Oct 2006
4:58 AM EDT
   

Damn, How do you protect your kids from a mom that could be so good if she got her head out of her ass and made sure she was not doing drugs? I really am stressing about this. I love my kids to death and want to be able to know that they are safe when they go with their mom for the weekend or week. She tells me that the kids will never be in harms way but everything out of her mouth is a lie. Dont know where ot go from here. Wait un till she messes up and call CPS. Will that be too late for the kids???? CRAP!!!!
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    smb  50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries
15
Oct 2006
1:20 PM MST
   

Whatever we worship, short of God, is sure to be our undoing." - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 What a beautiful Sunday it was! J and O and went to church today. We left early enough to go to Albertsons, get my coffee and a few other things, then we got to church so early we had lots of time to unload our goodies (snacks for all of the classrooms, lots of cups and cleaning supplies) And then I cleaned the nursery! (Agh, those stinky mice!) I was in the nursery the 2nd half because the one who was soposed to be there didn't show and I am not going to be there next weekend So I guess her and I traded. I felt really GOOD in the nursery. I was structured, and IN CONTROL! Got 3 compliments! and Jo told me she thought I should consider being "in charge of the nursery" Not sure that is a job I want to take on but I might consider it! my para finally came, I hope she and her husband liked it! THE BOYS were SOOOO GOOD all morning! WOW! SO, we went to MC D's and got lunch and took it to the park! They were so deserving! Would have been perfect without the wind. Ran into Amy (D's cousin) and we talked about churches and family etc for about 40 min. Not quite sure why but O doesn't seem to want to nap the last few days! He finally fell asleep today around 4, I woke him at 5 for dinner. RIght now he is STILL Awake at 9:20 and he was put in bed over an hour ago! Jenn and her 4 boys came over for dinner, that was CRAZY but nice. I feel bad because twice I told Jenn how her 11 year old was being disrespectful! I had to call her and say I was sorry and that I would try to be more helpful rather than point out the obvious!~ DUH, she already knows her kid is a disrespectful BRAT,,, Wonder if she would read/apply love and logic! Book study was good but Gloria was there and she just asked too many questions and so we didn't get anywhere. In fact we didn't start reading until 7:30, SO we only got to the end of chapt. 6! AGH! Overall, I was pretty happy, positive and "felt Good" SO, now my question is how do I act like a crabby, sad, pathetic baby one day and the next have a positive, upbeat, great day! Who knows maybe I am Bipolar! HAHAHA!
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    Nated09  34, Male, Illinois, USA - 26 entries
15
Oct 2006
1:51 PM CST
   

Within ourselves there is a deep place at whose edge we may sit and dream." -Lehrman I use this quote because we may portray to the rest of the world a different dream than the one we have in ourselves. Or, for example some people such as athletes, drama students, in highschool, they just do what they are doing for their parents, and not doing what they want to do for themselves. I personally don't have this problem, because I am very outspoken, sometimes that is unfortunate, but my parents support me no matter what and they know that even if they try to make me do something such as going to a technical college, which that is something I do not want to do, I would go to a school I where I want to learn whatever I want to. However, I know of friends that have parents are betting on their children getting an athletic scholarship to college, but then they get injured to where they can't do certain sports anymore. The parents not only feel that their child won't be able to go to college, but that it was their fault for not having a backup plan. So the moral of this post is that even if you're scared of standing up to someone who want you to do whatever they feel you should do, just talk to them and if that doesn't work, try to get others to listen to you like relatives that know you don't want to do what that person wants you to do. Then have that relative come with you not only for moral support but to help you in your talking with that person. So if you don't have another relative within distance to come with you, just ask a trusted person, a friend, a favorite teacher that knows your situation, and that goes without saying to talk to a trusted teacher about any problem that you think you can't tell you parents or friends. Everyone, have a good night, and I will write tomorrow.
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    bettyboxedin  35, Female, Canada - 24 entries
15
Oct 2006
12:32 PM CEST
   

first off these journal entry dates are wrong. do you ever feel as if you are being avoided? thats how i feel today. i wonder if it is just me or are people really avoiding me? if they are what did i do to be givin the silent treatment? i try so hard to be nice and everything and never get angry but i don't understand anything that is going on in my head right now
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    smb  50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries
15
Oct 2006
11:18 AM MST
   

MY STORY: given at church OCT 2006

When I was asked to speak to you all to share my story, I first thought, "what story? I don't have a story." But then after asking God if I had a story I realized I must have a story because only about three and half years ago I didn't know God and to add to that, my life has been CRAZY with mishaps, sadness, let downs, disappointments and even tragedy. So that must mean I have some kind of story. Actually it seems as if I have two stories.

1st part

First, I wasn't raised as a Christian. I didn't have any religion or faith in my life although I often had unanswered questions about whom God was and why I felt the need to know Him. After my husband, Donnie, and I got married we visited a few churches- all because I felt the need to experience God. I think these sudden urges I had, wanting to learn more about Jesus, was God "talking to me" He didn't give up on me!

Then we started going to a church in Moorcroft (because a lot of Donnie's family went there) that provided us with our first year as Christians,,, we learned a lot there and I feel so blessed that I was able to come to Jesus and commit my life to Him and make lots of positive changes in my life. A little over a year ago we decided to find a local church here in Gillette. We went to several different churches and for on reason or another they just didn't feel right. I don't believe one needs to be a church goer to be a Christian but I knew, personally, I needed the support and wanted more spiritual knowledge that I knew I could get in church.

2nd part

Donnie and I married in 99, had Jett in O2 and Oakley 21 months later. Donnie had a bad back and two major surgeries. He became addicted to his pain pills which I really wasn't aware off. Last year was very rough,,, both of my mom's parents passed away, my parents got a divorce after 34 years and I was starting to realize I was on a bad roller coaster with my husband's addiction. I forgot to mention Donnie also had a pacemaker and a family heart condition that we were always told could be fatal but probably not in him because he didn't have it that bad. As every bad thing kept happening to me I kept asking God "what next?"

On March 6th, Donnie went to work and never came home. He called me that afternoon, waking me from a nap. I wasn't very nice to him on the phone and that was the last time I ever talked to him. He died at work because his heart quit due to his heart condition and I don't think his heart could handle his addiction. Let me tell you a little about Donnie, despite his addiction he was an amazing man. He loved Jesus Christ, he loved me and the boys and his family and he touched the lives of everyone he came in contact with. He had an outgoing, positive contagious personality. I miss him dearly everyday.

Part 3

Now let me tell you how God has worked in this crazy life I just explained. I feel like God has never given up on me. He's seen me through all the tough times. When Donnie died I started praying more than I ever had,,, I talked to, cried to and even yelled at God. Some how I went into survival mode and God got me through the funeral. But then things started to get worse for me emotionally and spiritually. Then I was invited by some friends to come to Gillette Berean. I did come and my life has continued to change in wonderful ways. I know God has a plan for me and what that is only he knows,,, but it is my job to listen to him, learn from everything that has happened in my past and be the best I can be to work for God. What a blessing he brought me to you all here at Gillette Berean. This is the first church I feel totally comfortable and I know I am able to worship freely and I am learning what God wants me to be learning by coming here.

Now, what I've learned from these experiences,,, I learned how to never take anyone or anything for granted and this life here on earth is short, sometimes too short so do what you need to do and say what you need to say, NOW, because you never know when that chance will be gone. I also have to say that we must trust in God that he sees our pains and feels our hurts and that love from God will get us through. I have good days and bad days but let me tell you the good outweigh the bad and some days I feel overwhelmingly positive and strong and I give all the credit to God.

I also learned to take the serenity prayer seriously….

God, please give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN

I also learned to be so grateful and thankful to God for the little things. I thank God for the big things as we all do,,, for our children and families and our health and finances. But I also thank Him for the little things, like the fact that I can get up out of bed every morning, that I can walk and I'm physically able to work out. I say these things because I can always, even in my toughest times can always think of someone who has greater obstacles to overcome than myself. And I thank God for each of these blessings each day, because I know, for example, today I can walk, but tomorrow I could get in an accident and be paralyzed.

Psalm 121 gets me through.

Thanks be to God for seeing me through all of this and for bringing me to Gillette Berean and thanks to all of you, for your support and allowing me to be able to say, "I truly love my Church family"

1 comment(s) - 09:16 AM - 08/09/2012
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    sweettartsupercute007  33, Female, Canada - 4 entries
15
Oct 2006
11:32 AM MDT
   

hey to you people who read this to day was a pretty good day. awwww right now my puppy looks so cute sleeping i a little ball all curled up. oohhh today i went for a walk and it is so cold out side and i didn't realized that it was that cold out so when i came inside i was like so stiff from the cold. mani just turnned 14 and i havn't even started studying for my learners yet may poarents keep naging nad naging me to study study study and i hate reading so i am so worried that i wont get it or let alone my drivers but i have learned to drive my friend denise she is helping me with my driveng because my parents are to busy.
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