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First off today started out with me getting up around seven o'clock in the morning. �Then my boyfriend had called me and told me he had to go with his brother to harrisburg to fix something on his mom's property that she owns and the tennet wanted fixed.� Then my mom took me to an interview for a fourty hour job and then she brought me home.��I hung out here with the dog for a little bit and then my boyfriend calls and says that his brother dropped him off at home and went a different way so I wasn't getting picked up. �I got pissed off and told him that I was walking into town so I could see him and then my mom would pick me up.� We went to KFC to eat because I had been hungry and then we went back to his house. �We were sitting there waiting for time to go and pick up the kids. �He went and picked up the kids while I sat there and waited for them. �They get back and the boy doesn't even notice that I was there and that made me upset I felt like he don't even care for me anymore. Since I moved out to my mom's house the kids don't even recognize me when I am there. �Like they know who I�am but they don't talk to me much I don't think they want to get close to me because they think that I am abandoning them just like their mother did.� I�tell them every time that I talk to them that the only reason I am out here living is because I am trying to save money and get my own place so I can move them in or just get money so when he gets a place I can move in. �Also I�got my permit since I have been out here and I might be getting a full time job also and that would be better for everyone.�

I told my boyfriend today that I am going to be real nervous with the kids in the car for the first couple of times I have them in when I�do get my license or even when they are riding out to see my family on my permit.� I�am just scared but my boyfriend said everything will be okay eventually it will just take time with them in the car. Its kind of wierd doing something with him new its not right I�feel. �But everybody has to learn something new.� Hopefully soon my mom takes me out to drive because yea I have only had my permit a couple of days its not going to help if I�don't get behind the wheel and try.� Practice makes perfect as they always say.�

Well tonight is finally becoming a wrap for me since I�have to work in the morning.��I am doing one load of laundry so I atleast have a work uniform for tomorrow. �I always wait till the damn last minute.� I hate when I do that but it seems to be always for me ever since I was able to start doing things on my own.� I don't know I�am going to tell my managers tomorrow that i have been looking for a full time job and if they fire me over it then oh well I am going to get them back so bad that is not the thing to do.��I�can collect unemployment real quick.� I will use 30 hours if I can just to piss them off since that is what they used to give me most of the time.�

Oh my I am so bored I wish that I lived in town still I would just be leaving my boyfriends house to go home and get ready for work and I wouldn't have to get up early and go into work because of riding a bike.��

So I'm back from Md/VA trip and I had such a great time!! Seriously I didn't want to come back.....Saw family went with Rebekah to get her wedding dress which she bought that day�and� got to hang with her fiance which was great as i've only met him once. I just love love DC!! they took me to a bar that had mini golf!! so much fun then i was in VA and it was great hung out with Lisa every night got to see old friend from high school who is now married and the cutest kid ever.....Also got to see Jas and her new man. Spent the last night flirting with Laura's brother hahahah hes a cutie so much fun!!

Last week I started my internship which seems promising and I'm going to learn�a lot I hope. Also had drinks with Mike the 24 yr old that I went out with in April ( who is now 25 hahaha) then emailed him before i left for my trip and he said he wanted to get drinks!! hes adorable!! had a really great time. Supposed to go out with him tonight but I've got the sickness :( booooo day three of resting and tv watchin. Heading to LA tomorrow!! sunshine here I come!!

Dear little hoes,

just to let you know,

he'll always love me first,

and you all last.

He's unfiathful,

hurting, unloyal,

and now my eyes are burning full of hate.

I wish he had done me some other way.

but see,

what does to me,

he'll do to you,

it took me six years to see,

that he'll the player-hater's fool.

Over and over i'm hurt,

and he's left me empty.

so now u can have him,

because i've got no sympathy.

I hope that you read this some day,

and realize what you've done to me,

you, us, and chris.

I don't care,

I'm wrathful for this.

and I can't believe that you've done this.

Yes your right,

my words of passion,

will alway fight,

but not for you.

I give up.

I'm through,

now though,

it's tme that you're one the one to bruse.

I've ended up in hospitals,

jail, and the insainasylm for you.

It's time that I find my way through,

past all of this, and you.

CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DONE AND I'M THROUGH!!!!!

Thank god I am home for the night. �I had to ride the bike to do all the things that I�had to do and it killed me. �I am hurting so bad and can't wait to go to bed.� I just don't want to go to bed so early.� I�have to though get up at like four thirty in the morning so I�can get ready for work and leave by five so I know that I�am safely getting in there.� Well oh well thats what i have to do just to get back and forth to work in the morning till i get my license.� Well�I�have to work from six to 12 and then i am going to see frank for an hour and then i am going to come home for the night.� I don't know but I can't do this ride until i get used to it.� But I will get it down.� Got to run.

������ I am so fuckin tired of not having money. First we don't have enough to pay for the house, which I have come to terms with and accepted that we're gonna have to move. Now we have to cancel everything cause my mom broke her foot and her doctor is charging the maximum permited by law. So pretty much everytime she goes to the doctor (once every two weeks) she has to pay $200 plus the cost of x-rays. So it may sound selfish but I'm mostly upset about loosing my cell phone. And I'll explain that. I'm in cyber school so I don't get to see people every day and she wants to turn the home phone off too. The only reason we have internet is because I'm in cyber school and they pay for it. On top of that I can't go on most public sites because they are blocked. So it's not like I could talk to my friends on Myspace or somethin like that and my mom has yelled at my best friend enough that she won't just stop over here and I don't feel right just stopping over there because not only is that weird and kinda stalkerish but they're not there most of the time. She normally goes to school, goes home changes, goes to work, and then goes home and goes to bed. So for us to hang out there has to be communication and that can't happen if I don't have a phone. But my mom said that she's gonna keep my phone. She has her own phone but she said shes just gonna keep mine. You know I knew that I wouldn't have friends for long but I just wish the deciding factor wasn't money. Whatever it's over.

i will read book at 07:00am-18:30pm

i�making�will� good teat for tmr "22 Sep 09"

But i have�mum�and dad�live to� me everyday

and everytime

i will not give they�sad

Bcez i love them very much

Buy have a good dream

�