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        tami2005  39, Female, Alabama, USA - 12 entries
    01
    Jan 2011
    12:21 AM CDT
       

    Happy New Year

    It is now after New Year....and for once I can say that iwill remember this New Years because I am sober and not off with some friends getting high. It feels good to be able to know that I do not have to have the drugs anymore....It is a constant fight and I have to fight it every single day of my life......Maybe one day this sruggle with be over with but for now I just have to wake up each and every morning and say not today....today I will not do the drugs....today is my day to�prove to myself that I can live without them and I do not need them.......they are no longer my crrutch in life and I am happy with out them......thank you to my mom who has stood by my side through all of this with me and thanks for being there for me......without the love and the support that i get from my mom then it would no even do me any good to try because I would not succeed and that is why I say thank you and I know that with her by my side all things are possible and I will get over this....One day at a time......one day at time
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        Privacy963  29, Male, California, USA - 54 entries
    31
    Dec 2010
    5:24 PM
       

    Dear Diary So its the last day of the year. Theres a lot to be happy for. New friends,lots of food,a new computer,Great Grades but theres also a lot to be sad for. My family hasn't been feeling like a family lately.I dont know why it just feels more like a house divided. You know whats weird life is all depressing and dramatic if I dont write in you. Maybe I guess I think to write it you more esspecially since when I write in you diary I feel more productive and less lazy. Vacation has been relaxing but I think I am happier with school for some reason. All the work makes me well it blocks the lonliness here at home. Anyway I am ready for a new year and for new adventures. Yours Truly PhilipMacapagal
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    1 comment(s) - 11:18 PM - 01/10/2011
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        nascarchicksr  55, Female, Michigan, USA - 3 entries
    30
    Dec 2010
    5:23 PM
       

    Lo

    this gurl is nuts
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        Janira  34, Female, Louisiana, USA - 19 entries
    29
    Dec 2010
    5:38 PM
       

    I'm going to Crack Up if I stay in this house any longer.

    My uncle's not in his right mind does drugs and expect to live off of us and even says what's the point of doing it when I got six sisters to help me out. Where all living here with my grandmother who has a case of alzhimers and is in denial of it. My grandfather died this pass may and every excuse for her is my husbands dead. My mother has now taken the place of my grandfather and she doesn't want any of us to leave without her or leave the house longer than thirty minutes. My uncle uses my grandmothers fading mind as an advantage and asks for money for his drugs and liquor and acts like the house is his he uses all the food and gives it to the dog when we barley have none and by the time he gets his check it goes to the dope heads he borrowed money from. My grandmother doesn't want to get rid of him because he's her 'son'. Honestly with all this drama I'm about to crack! I'm in my last year of high school I have no job and I want out of here. I have a pet bird and after my uncle has either finished overdosing his self on drugs or has sold them to get his fix he tell me to shut up my bird which hey you dumb butt he's a bird!!!! When we call the cops he tries to sweet talk them like nothing wrong. He beats on his dog and says that's how you make him listen. The Veterans Hosptial mails him his medicine and can't even keep him over there how can you not control a sucidal?! We have to deal with him and his drug buddies. Even his drug buddies try to use her and hit on my mom. They want money for stamps or steal water from out house outside. And my grandmothers not even in her right mind. I can't take this any more I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not even eating right anymore like I use to. All my grandmother wants my mom to cook is chicken beef meat chicken ,spaggetti once or twice a month, chicken, sauages chicken. I mean we had a whole week nearly a month of notstop chicken. I'm to the point I'm about tired of eating meat. I've lost weight I'm stressed I don't even sleep right anymore... I wanna leave. I wanna be able to work out again, take care care of my self. My went to the store about 30 mins ago and now my grams is calling the store asking for her to call home. She's restless she sees things that aren't there. she doesn't know how to avoid a pole with a sign if it's in her way most of the time I need out!!!! I'm cracking mentally!!!!!!!!
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    2 comment(s) - 11:54 PM - 12/30/2010
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        jroberts1941  81, Male, Kentucky, USA - 50 entries
    29
    Dec 2010
    5:33 PM
       

    A prayer for family and friends Eph 3:16fff

    Ephesians 3:16-21 GNT 16�I ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves, 17�and I pray that Christ will make his home in your hearts through faith. I pray that you may have your roots and foundation in love, 18�so that you, together with all God's people, may have the power to understand how broad and long, how high and deep, is Christ's love. 19�Yes, may you come to know his love—although it can never be fully known—and so be completely filled with the very nature of God. 20�To him who by means of his power working in us is able to do so much more than we can ever ask for, or even think of: 21�to God be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever! Amen.
    Tags: prayer
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        lovelymonster  29, Female, Virginia, USA - 5 entries
    28
    Dec 2010
    1:27 PM CDT
       

    When you are alone, you feel like something inside of you has died but you don't realize it because you're looking through a window with broken glass. Darkness surrounds you to the point you can't find any sign of life. After awhile happiness becomes a non existing emotion that isn't in your reach. You know a part of you has died when laughter is only heard by screams and your dreams fade into nightmares so disturbing you refuse to close your eyes. Sadness blooms inside you; nearly locked in your soul and the key is lost. You don't even try to find the key because you know it's impossible. Your thoughts become warped and twisted as you drift into something so terrible, that you can feel the life being sucked right out of your silenced chest. You try to fight your demons but you have no chance of winning the battle, the battle in which you have�already lost. You watch your life rot into dust that�is swept away by the wind. The demons inside you whisper in your ears such sick things that make your stomach turn in every direction until you find yourself on the ground praying to a God, that you ask for forgiveness and strength in, but you can't resist the dark command when you are�face to face with the demon. Suddenly you no longer live by your morals and you begin to swear by the book. Your cold fingers trace your tattered body that has taken part in your wrath and boils in your blood, pulsing guilty sins into your veins. Sharp objects leave wounds across your skin revealing a secret that you fear the most.�You are guided down deaths path as you struggle for your right to live, but you hold onto nothing that is worth saving you. Life becomes meaningless as the scarlet red blood you have taken from your own body arouses you. As you find yourself at your weakest, you stare out that broken window and you kiss the rain that hits the ground, reminding you of how effortlessly you let yourself fall into everything that never would have catched you at the end of your journey in the first place.
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        jroberts1941  81, Male, Kentucky, USA - 50 entries
    28
    Dec 2010
    6:31 AM
       

    A prayer for family and friends Eph 3:16fff

    Ephesians 3:16-21 GNT 16�I ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves, 17�and I pray that Christ will make his home in your hearts through faith. I pray that you may have your roots and foundation in love, 18�so that you, together with all God's people, may have the power to understand how broad and long, how high and deep, is Christ's love. 19�Yes, may you come to know his love—although it can never be fully known—and so be completely filled with the very nature of God. 20�To him who by means of his power working in us is able to do so much more than we can ever ask for, or even think of: 21�to God be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever! Amen.
    Tags: prayer
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        megg  39, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries
    27
    Dec 2010
    11:56 PM CDT
       

    so had a tired morning kicked myself out of bed and finally reached work where my boss left no attempt to kill me with pile of pre scriptions...hmm ...seriously why dnt you give this much work everyday why on the day m really tired
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        megg  39, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries
    27
    Dec 2010
    10:09 AM CDT
       

    sleepless night and a drunk boyfriend who is not going back to his home ..these are two things you do not want ..so my BF DRANK too much and i tried so many times to wake him up but he wouldn't get up....and finally i was successful at 2 am i finally send him back .....but then calls from australia wake me up...at 3 am then again tried to sleep could not and finally after trying hard i went to sleep at 430am and here i am on monday morning gettin ready for work...i hope my day goes little better....
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        lovelymonster  29, Female, Virginia, USA - 5 entries
    27
    Dec 2010
    1:30 PM CDT
       

    Why must love be so difficult? You feel amazing�as if�you are�flying but then when you look away to wish on a star everything changes. You are no longer flying and you suddenly realize that you are�falling and it is�only a matter of time before you crash and burn. Then you think to yourself, "How can something so sweet, so lovely, wither away in the palm of your hands and the world continues to go on like nothing ever happened?" You feel like your heart has been strangled by love and everything inside your chest that used to keep you happy seems to have spilled out on the floor and vanish into the air that is now suffocating your every breath. The warmth inside your soul no longer seems to keep you warm and you feel lost and bitter. You notice that your trembling lips that once used to speak with such grace doesn't speak more than just a word, a word that isn't exactly truth but a mask hiding your�emotions so you don't have to explain your reasons for feeling nothing more but numbness and cold tears that escape from your no longer sparkling eyes. Suddenly you don't feel alive but yet you welcome death at your front door because you rather feel something than nothing at all. As time passes by, you have�become something so small that you are almost invisible but it doesn't hurt you because you have�learned to not feel but that still doesn't stop the undying tears. But at the end of the day, you know what you want and you know what you need. All you need is to spread your love and fly away.

    Tags: Comment
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    1 comment(s) - 09:55 AM - 12/29/2010
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