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maureen 62, Female, Ohio, USA - 8 entries

Jan 2007
9:09 AM EDT

Well i accidently deleted my last entry. I feel so many things. I am stuck on why I was not enough for her to quit drinking. Why I could not make her see what a mess she has made of both our lives. It was a year ago this month that she rolled her car out on a country road. She ended up hitting a tree and totaling her car. She had to be life flighted to the hospital. I have heard it said that when a person hits rock bottom they will change. How low could rock bottom be? How ugly does life have to become for a person to change it? I wish I could have been enough. I wish I could have been the one thing she would not risk losing. I was not enough.

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madhousewife 69, Female, Michigan, USA - 48 entries

Jan 2007
5:50 PM EDT

I survived the dentist chair. I couldn't stop shaking, and the assistant thought I was in pain because of the tears. I was shaking so hard I had to white knuckle the chair arms to keep from shaking. I had to get a tooth pulled, and a filling. I am out of topics for tonight.

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madhousewife 69, Female, Michigan, USA - 48 entries

Jan 2007
5:44 PM EDT

Tomorrow I have a trip to the dreaded "chair". The horrid sound of the drill, the intimidating tools of the trade. Thats right, I'm off to the dentist. Childhood dental trauma, makes me a total coward of the dentist. Loosing a filling and having the filling in a root canal coming loose, I have to bite the bullet. I am a little nervous, but I am sure by morning the slight fear will be full blown terror, but I will go.

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charlax 71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries

Jan 2007
2:14 AM MST

Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by His own blood no need for a telephone just speak a word GOD can hear

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chanduliar 46, Female, Texas, USA - 16 entries

Jan 2007
12:54 AM CST

Well, I add a couple writings. hope you guys like. Back to vegas I just got n friday. Mom pick me up. I know can you belive it. I ws a better day for us. Anyways I was leaving out last wesnday and i was leaving out of gate 47. Which is weirs causi sign papers with that number and back in the day when there was pagers, that was my number, IT always just been a number i use 4 letters in love and 7 in my name crystal. I just thought that was a sign that i need to go to vegas. haha Dancing in vegas is nothing like houston. I hate dancing I probably wouldn't well I know I would not be in this situation is I had not stop dancing but it like smoking you just stop. Enough is enough. yoiu know what I mean. I feel like crap today. Sick wise not emotionaly. I haven't been sick like this in a while. what else? Oh yea livin with a rooate. I don't know if it is me but this girl love her forever but... she always seem like she hiding something kinda like my ex did. And i catch lies, Why? Goes back to an earlyier post i put in about girlsand how we are toword one another. I know whay women can't rule the planet cause we all can't be nice and honest and just get alone with one another. God put men here to for ... well i can't think of anything! haha later

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chanduliar 46, Female, Texas, USA - 16 entries

Jan 2007
12:42 AM CST

I wish this poem were pixie dust To throw into your eyes And make you see the loveliness Beneath my sad disguise. And I would take you in my arms And weave a magic spell That I could utter anytime To make you love me well. But alas my simple words Are like summer rain That drums on hills and fields and hearts, Then vanishes again. And though my love might make you bloom, You turn with fragile grace To gaze in aching loneliness At someone else's face. We lust for what we cannot have, A long, unbroken chain Of lovers who remain unloved And loved who love in vain. While I'm near mad with wanting you As trees must have the sun, You cannot help but find a love Who loves another one.

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chanduliar 46, Female, Texas, USA - 16 entries

Jan 2007
12:39 AM CST

There's beauty in the barest breath of sunshine, Wasted on all but those who know despair. Each wound turns passions just a bit more grey, Not adding new nor taking old away, Trading joy for something far less fair, Yet turning grace to something far more fine. For such, there is a winding of the way In which a bleakness, soon become a sign, Vividly undoes the dying day, Evoking longings one can hardly bear.

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jazzsoulp 40, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 32 entries

Jan 2007
10:53 PM GMT

January 30th...High point of my day...Got a job offer...yayyy...and best believe I am on top of it...I'm thru staying at home...and to think ppl would kill to be in my position. Havent told mom or even D- K..wen it all becomes official, I want to suprise them...O how I wish i could see thier faces. Low Point...I have the flu, couldn't sleep all night so I kept drinking Nyquil like it was diet coke,...twas nasty so I made some HOT MILK,..I think dat did it...slept like a baby until mom decided to wake me up wiv her morning calls...Love her for it tho. Havent really thot about babe since we last spoke...Lets see if its a me or if he subconciously does call on Thursdays...hmmmm.

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1 comment(s) - 02:45 PM - 02/01/2007

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chelsealynn15 34, Female, Maine, USA - 3 entries

Jan 2007
9:03 AM EDT

How come everyone around me seems to not believe in what i do. My grades are getting worse, basketball is the only thing that makes me happy, but since my grades are about to go down the drain i cant play for several weeks. My parents are always arguing over stupid things, ususally over the difference in parenting. My step mom has a son and im the other child which is the only child of my mom and dad. My mom is living in Ellswoth wich i can say is alot better then Cali., but she still feels so far away. I have some big decicions to make about wether or not i want to go and live with my mom again... which would make this my third time running back or if i should be like everyone else who has problems at there homes, meaing deal with it?! I just wish i could run away to a place where everyone is always happy and gives good advice and never shuts you down/out... i guess to a place where you feel wanted.? My mom says that i can come and live with her, but i have to tell her before her essingment is up.. which is in April and it's know the end of January. If i say that i DO want to come and live with her then she will take an assignment outside of maine like Alaska, which is away from everyone. Then she will try to take a staff possition somewhere.. prob. bangor. either i can stay at the school i am in, which everyone here likes to copy everyone and talk about everyone behind there backs! small school in other words. or i can go to bangor school which i already have and that school is really big, overly big, but im sure i could get use to it. plus i have friends at this school in searsport and a boyfriend not to mention. My grandmother died yesterday and my dad is on my back about every little thing. i get to school today and people are saying that im trying to steal someone away from there boyfriend, which there boyfriend is saying that we were cuddeling the night before, i wouldnt and i didnt, my best friend was even there and she wouldnt have allowed it because i have a boyfriend already that i love and wouldnt want to loose. My boyfriend is the kind of guy where he would beat anyone up for saying something like they did. He is threating to beat him up and i dont want him too because that would mean that he would get almost 5 days out of school.. i just hope he doesnt get himself into anymore trouble... my best friend is always there for me but sometimes i wish she could just act like her OWN person and not try to follow everyone else. set her own trends,saying,music, ect... it just seems like she is all rapped up in a certain guy and sometimes doesnt even give me the light of day. I mean dont get me wronge were attached at the hick, but anytime i go over to hang out with her lately she's always on the phone with him.. i really dont know.. Well i guess this is enough for today.. i mean i can always come to this and write my feelings out.. i feel a little better, i just wish someone who actually felt what i was feeling could give me some advice! i hope the rest of my highschool years go better then this one right know! ._.Chelsea Lynn._.

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2 comment(s) - 01:07 PM - 02/02/2007

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madhousewife 69, Female, Michigan, USA - 48 entries

Jan 2007
8:46 AM EDT

I want to scream about now. Some days driving to or from work I want to keep going and never come home again. There have been days I wish my memory would just be wiped clean. She sits in there with the tv to loud because her hearing isn't worth a crap. That same problem leads her to feel we are talking about her, or that no one ever talks to her. She doesn't like anyone, and treats others like crap even though she claims not to. She sits with her guide post and doesn't see she's what turned me against christianity. They preach forgivness and don't forgive, they preach love, and hate anyone who doesn't agree with or is the same as them. Others know her one way and all think she's miss wonderful, but they don't really know her. She'll do almost anything for you, but you better be prepared to spend the rest of your life thanking her, and she'll spend the rest of hers reminding you to. I often think Dad died to be free of her. I was married at 17, pregnant and wanting out of this house and away from her sneering, dominering, hateful, accusing behavior. As a small child I wished her dead many a time so Dad and I could be free. I wasn't allowed to play with others or leave the yard. As I grew older she always acted like I was awful and couldn't be trusted. I was never good enough and I hated her. She always belittled me infront of others, yet always felt ,and still does, that she was a wonderful mother. Everyone tells me when she dies I will take it hardest of all. I really don't think I will. I think, as long as I am not in a home myself, my life will begin. I won't be looking over my shoulder wondering if she is going to be upset over something said. I won't feel I can't do because as she always reminds us , this is her house. I will finally feel free to go and do anywhere and anything with whom ever I chose without guilt.

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