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Journal4Jackson 49, Female, California, USA - 48 entries

Feb 2007
12:50 AM PST

/18/07-Woke up at normal time, freeplayed for 15 minutes. Had breakfast, ate everything well. Got cleaned up and ready for church. Went to church, did well in Sunday School, but did have a small tantrum when it was time to leave and Daddy had to carry him to car. Came home, changed diaper and then went with Daddy to get a hair cut. Did really well, held still and didn't have a fit when it was time to leave. Came home, played with his trains and train track in the living room for about a 1/2 hr (also watched some racecars on TV w/Daddy off and on). Had lunch, ate everything well. Cleaned up, played in living room with Daddy and sister (trains, cars, etc) for about a half hour. Went down for nap, didn't sleep but somewhat rested for about an hour or so. Got up, got changed and went to in-laws for dinner. Did well at their house, played with his train table, cars, etc. Didn't eat much dinner. Kept running in the house so he did have to go in a time out there, but afterwards did better. Came home, cleaned up the living room and got ready for bed. Stories, brushed teeth and in bed at normal time. Fell asleep within 45 minutes. Total TV for day: about an hour and a half. Total time outs for day: 3.Brushed every 3 hours w/o problems.

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lprescilla 43, Female, California, USA - 5 entries

Feb 2007
4:37 PM EDT

k you so much for your respond, I really appreciate it. I felt wrong the way I was feeling, I felt selfish, but thanks to you guys, I see it the other way. Thanks again.

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3 comment(s) - 07:16 PM - 02/19/2007

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alicia 61, Female, Kansas, USA - First entry!

Feb 2007
2:44 AM CDT

I have in the past to be pretend to be something I was not. Maybe even in my current life I pretend to be something I am not. However, in my past, it was intentional to do so. For fantasy reasons. I was trying to "find" myself. I was bored with my life, and wanted to created some sort of character that I felt was exciting and fun. (my character was a blast). I picked a time in my life where I had felt it was perfect. So I created an on line person to relive that.

In the present, I feel that I am trapped into to something I am not happy about. But, I try my best to be happy or at least act happy as to not make any waves. I have a lot to be grateful for, however, sometimes it is very difficult to pretend to be happy, when my soul is hurting as much as it is.

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angel9901 33, Female, Florida, USA - 2 entries

Feb 2007
2:45 PM EDT

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1 comment(s) - 08:09 PM - 03/01/2007

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JK0228 45, Female, Maryland, USA - 17 entries

Feb 2007
9:39 AM EDT

I am trying to figure this journal thing out. Is that question above something I am supposed to be answering? LOL - fun!

Do I ever pretend to be something I'm not? If I do, why am I doing it?

Yes - when I've met guys in the past, I try to pretend to be the perfect girl for them. When I met the guy I am married to now, I pretended I loved watching football.....funny thing is I really don't like it! I pretended like I loved sports and I really don't. Now I am in a relationship where we don't have things in common because when your married...the truth obviously comes up! So, lying to others and yourself is not a good idea because you will only end up unhappy. The reason I used to do it is because I wanted to be accepted. I felt like if I was not just like others, then they would not like/love me. Probably just stems from my insecurities. I am learning now that if I don't like something, I am going to say it because that makes me who I am! If I liked everything someone else liked, that would be totally boring and I would not be true to myself.

The things that I like are: reading, animals, riding horses, nature, people, cuddling, laughing till my stomach hurts, playing games, shopping, trying new things, movies and performances, playing the piano, dance, traveling and seeing new places, taking pictures, and constantly reliving my good memories and trying to make new ones.

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lprescilla 43, Female, California, USA - 5 entries

Feb 2007
7:59 PM EDT

I have a question and I hope someone can give an answer. is it wrong for someone to get a divorce because the person got married because of pregnancy, can't stand the guy, found out he was lying about his where abouts, and finally found true love with someone else?

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2 comment(s) - 12:18 PM - 02/18/2007

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x3VanDyke 34, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 24 entries

Feb 2007
6:10 PM EDT

N style="COLOR: #ff4500; FONT-FAMILY: Century Gothic">Okay Y'all I'm single again.. it's okay though..=) Sager this is what i had to tell you! umm longg storyy!

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1 comment(s) - 09:24 AM - 02/22/2007

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SamanthaAlexandra 37, Female, California, USA - 60 entries

Feb 2007
1:55 PM PST

It's days like today that make me realize how much I take my family for granted. It also makes me realize how much I really do miss and love them. I hope it rains tomorrow.

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x3VanDyke 34, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 24 entries

Feb 2007
10:35 AM EDT

Well Sager when you get this could you call me.. I've tried calling you twice but noo answer soo yeah thanks hon!

Okay y'all my life is soo confusing right now.... honestly.. ahh idk what to do im grounded for failing science and im not gonna bring it up until they let me do what i want

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1 comment(s) - 11:26 PM - 02/19/2007

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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Feb 2007
10:23 PM EDT

is it that my life seems like an endless list of regrets, running along the same circular path that never ends? where the mind is a neurotic mess of racing thoughts trying to win first place and the body lies immoble? where emotions are irrational oblivion and you ignore all your problems til they expectedly or not pop up 10 times as strong? i am standing on the top floor of a house with no foundation that was prone to collapse, and it did. giving up is depressing. i am slowly and steadily realizing that i have no control over myself. i am devolving into a blur and my face will forever be devoid of any expression until it suddenly peels off and i can no longer recognize the person inside or out. every plan is a failure. every task a battle. nothing makes sense anymore as i allow my own asphyxiation in this sea of idleness. every belief will soon be contradicted by the next and i can no longer make sense of things. i have nothing left to overanalyze yet i continue to do it anyway. am i losing it? perhaps i have suppressed that fact long ago and now that i have unwillingly isolated myself it is time to catch my first glimpse at reality. i should much rather prefer the previous blurred vision to this piercing vision that there is no vision. i want to just open up my box of childhood and bury myself in a lame fairytale and never know the difference. i want to openly accept my own lie. live it or dream it nonetheless. but this is what time does-it crumbles things and then it is forgotten. i am as fucking clingly as wood glue and it is beyond my capability to let go of anything...recent or past. people or places. good or bad. failed dreams or plans. i remain stuck in every piece of it and revisit them in a state of subconsciousness every night in hopes that they will bring some sort of peace and quiet but the opposite of that is to be expected. when you take someone for granted and never truly realize their greatness until they are gone forever and the only thing you have left are these faceless memories that are slipping away rapidly because you can no longer recall them and so you invent them and recreate them much to inaccuracy and find yourself lost in being lost and you are just so fucking confused and you can't comprehend the sun coming up in the morning because you are too fucking fucked up to wake up and when you finally do you are surrounded by a force field of disorientation. and nothing makes sense. at all. when you get to this point you look for some sort of inspiration to change yourself for the better only you cant because youre you and you will forever remain stuck like this. a cruel bastard who cant feel enough for others. a selfish bastard who can never put others first. a cruel bastard who now confronts this intense wave of karma as though it were never to be expected and now this is what the cruel bastard gets. strip me away. i will never learn my lesson, and i will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again until the day that may never come when i learn to give without expecting anything in return. i will never be selfless. i am only human. man can only smother the innocent. this is a world where only the weak survive. i have had my fill, but this is only the beginning.

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