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limbo699 45, Male, New York, USA - 6 entries

Sep 2007
11:22 AM EDT

yes im new here and i dont know what to write. im going through some hard times right now. i just need to get stuff off my chest and have no one to talk to. see the thing is im married and my wife and i have been going through some hard times. see she cheated on me and then told me but i always thoought that she did it before also. she said no she didnt but i just found out that she did. its been a year and a half since all this happened. but the thing is i just found out that she is talking to the guy again.what should i do should i confront her or let it go. i mean there is no way that they will ever see each other again. i love her but i also dont trust her like i did.

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4 comment(s) - 08:56 AM - 09/05/2007

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jesssie 32, Female, Canada - 69 entries

Sep 2007
9:12 AM EST

First day back at school. It was great.. not gonna lie. First class, I sit beside michelle but me and calise usually just chatter up! Second class, business, i sit beside my boy dain! ANd mallory. I don't talk to Mallory. But whatever, I'm thinking about changing seats cause our homeroom teacher is fackin awesome. ANyways lunch was sick, got high. LAST DAY i promise! Pretty sure me and some of those kids are not so close anymore it feels like! So maybe I'll switch groups and chill with other people now instead. English class is fackin sick. I sit beside Amanda, and Sam sits in front ofme. Them boys are behind me making jokes, its all good. Math is probably one of the chillest situations; sit beside Spence and Sam H and Brandon sit right in front of me, we gitter done when it comes to the talkin ahhaha. But overall, today was great. i even bumped into Tim and yanno, im pretty sure we might hit it off.. again.. or maybe sam.. again? Im not sure. Alll i know is , this year is gonna be fackin GREAT.

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shadowlove 35, Female, New York, USA - 60 entries

Sep 2007
8:02 PM EDT

The day after tomorrow is the first day of school.

I don't know whether I'm excited or nervous.

Hung out at Carlye's house today with Nora and Jessica. It was nice cause it was the first time we'd seen each other in a while.

"Brooklyn is a fun language" - Nora :)

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scarlett 36, Female, Bahamas - 161 entries

Sep 2007
7:54 PM EDT

"The worst thing you can try to do is cling to something that is gone, or to recreate it." - Johnette Napolitano

That is so true. I feel like I'm holding onto high school...and whoI used to be. It's just not coming back, is it? I mean....ever. I guess that's a good thing actually...I didn't really like who I was becoming. But then again, I have no idea who I am anymore.

This is so confusing ><. Lizzie's right, no one knows us here. I'm not sure that anyone wants to get to know me...which hurts, but the truth usually does, I suppose.

I need to sleep. I'm kind of lost...

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jklotz 39, Male, Florida, USA - First entry!

Sep 2007
3:08 PM EDT

I am currently attending Stetson University as a managment major. I am a Jr. and this is going to be my most important year at college. I have to decide whether or not I wish to attend graduate school and if so, which one? Although I originally had planned to attend graduate school at Stetson, I do not know if thats what I really want to do. I am very interested in attending a school outside the state of Florida, which had never really been a logical choice for me in the past. I know this decision will have a huge influence on what career I choose to persue, and where I persue that career. I am very anxious to start a career, however I still have numerous goals for this year and next year to ensure I get the best opportunity possible.

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gmcgrath 60, Male, United Kingdom - 2 entries

Sep 2007
6:45 AM GMT

Last night in Church Jelena was talking about the Mind and the battle for it. She said that Christian's thoughts of the past few weeks about Asking, Seeking and Knocking had made her think about this and evaluate how she is living and functioning.

It was very challenging and I know that God wants to deal with me in the area of my mind because this is by far the biggest battleground for me. When things go wrong, when wrong decisions get made they are made because I have allowed myself to think in an undisciplined way. I mean how on EARTH can a grown man operate without any control over his mind.

"As a man thinks in his heart so he is."

Jesus said that what comes OUT of a man will show you what he really is. Funny that eh? Whats spent time in his mind, what he's allowed himself to mull over...taken time to allow those thots to take hold.

2 CORINTHIANS 10:3-5 "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."

Our warfare is to be spiritual because we are dealing with spiritual forces. What battles we win, we win in the mind first. What battle we lose, are lost in the mind.

Why is it then that so many Christians think so little about what they allow into their minds. Martin Luther said about this subject that "you cannot stop birds from flying over your head but you can stop them from making nests in your hair."

Very practical thoughts but until you start to make conscious choices, it all remains some nebulous thought, a great principle that someone talked about... and great sermon. If i go away from last night and just think that and dont actually start to make choices then thats all it becomes to me too.

I found this random page when I searched for the word "strongholds" and I thought this part was very good so I'll share it.

ROMANS 6:16"Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey."

JOHN 10:10,11 "The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (Abundant Life). I am the good shepherd ..."

I. EVERYONE HAS STRONGHOLDS(From material by Bruce Wilkinson)

II. CHARACTERISTICS OF STRONGHOLDS:
1. The stronghold exists in the person's MIND (the stronghold is a lie)
2. The stronghold is deceitfully hidden from the person's awareness.
3. The stronghold has existed for considerable time.
4. The stronghold has tempted the person to sin repeatedly.
5. The stronghold repeatedly overpowers the person, creating hopelessness.
6. The stronghold has many intellectual and emotional defenses.
7. The stronghold is actively and aggressively opposed to God and His truth.

Reading through these thoughts I can see so clearly things in my own life that have become strongholds and how they have done their work of controlling and distracting me.

Paul talks in 2 Cor 10:5 about "bringing every thought into captivity." Practically its like training yourself in anything new. If you've not done it before, or you've let something get in the way, starting again can be a bit of a struggle at first. Remember when you learned to ride a bike at first? lol

Last night after I'd had time to think about these things, I had a great chance to put this into practice and while I didn't do that well, (I reacted to things said to me in a selfish way) through it all I was actually conscious of the process and what was happening.

Lord make me aware of the process, as I do deal with people and throughout my day, of what I allow my heart to dwell on, of the thought processes that I allow my mind to enter into.

Every thought must be brought into captivity. Imagine a conquering army. The battle coming to an end but there are skirmishes and each group we come across must be controlled and captured, wrestled to the ground and subdued.

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meegaan 34, Female, Canada - 3 entries

Sep 2007
1:59 PM EDT

Summers Ending

so the summer is offically over. it was sooooo good when i think about it. i mad so many new friends lost some old ones but i'll gain them all back during the school year. i had fun. i wasnt until today that i releized how much i've changed over the year and the summer. its weird but in a good way. i love the new people i meet and i dont know what i would do with out them and the friends i've had for sooooo long i have no clue what id do without them either they kept me together and held me in one when i was at end they where there. and i was there for them the whole summer. but the two people who where there for me NO MATTER WHAT during the whole summer was my bestfriend jessica and my bestfrind abe. they both care so much about me and i love them to death.

but the summer was great and i totally dont wanna go back to schoool. all the drama and fights its just going to be so gay but i cant wait to see what else the years going to bring and all the new people i'll meet.

Megan

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jesssie 32, Female, Canada - 69 entries

Sep 2007
11:43 AM EST

I'm really tired of people making promises and breaking them. I'm not saying I've never done it before. But when the same person repeatedly breaks promises, and makes you believe things that aren't true and will never happen; that is when it starts to get annoying and frustrating. There is nothing I can do because the person who keeps getting my hopes up for nothing is my own parents. What am i supposed to do anyways, because there isnt anything! I ask for things, I ask this complex universe for things I feel like I need; things that might be able to cheer me up. I did exactly as that stupid movie said, and maybe it works for some people, but it's not working for me!

It hasn't changed anything for me! My God, sometimes I really hate my life. I know ther are people who have it 'sooo' much worse, but I don;t have anything to compare that to, like im not from a third world country. So what I think is bad, is bad for ME. not bad for the kids who cant afford to eat and whatnot.
i'm just pissed. pissed pissed pissed.
& school is tomorrow. i dont want to go.
fuck that.

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justjeff 60, Male, North Carolina, USA - 22 entries

Sep 2007
11:27 PM EDT

Well, I haven't published anything public since May. However, the private journal at home is filled with the events of the summer.

I moved Elliot to New York, a month ago as of Sept 1. I must say, it was the 2nd hardest thing I have ever lived through. Losing my best friend, Judy, to sudden death in 2000, was the hardest. Still, almost 7 years in October...it's still hard....When I think about it....it seems like she died just a few short days ago.

I think I have cried at least once a day beginning in June, aniticipating Elliot's move to NYC. How am I going to be able to let my 24 year old baby go ! I know it's time to spread his wings. However, I had him for such a short time. He's grown up so fast. I'm to young to have Empty Nest Syndrome !!!! I know I have two other children....who I love dearly.....but there is a special bond with this child....Mostly, I think, because he's gay like me....and I relate to him...and secondly, I adopted him as a much older child....technically an adult...but emotionally, still a child. We could have adult conversations and could somewhat relate to one another. He came into my life when I so needed to keep busy and care for someone, especially, since the biological kids are with their mom half the time.....and I came into his life, when his "blood" family had abandoned him and were showing him no support. Now...after a few short years...getting him threw undergrad....I'm here....leaving him in NYC and back here in NC...to only talk to him by phone and IM. Fortunately we have webcams...so I can seem on occasion.

The tears come easily and often. The first two weeks were the worst. Not only had I moved him to NYC. The day before we moved him there....we moved my things out of the apartment, back into the house that I had built for my ex wife and myself. I bought her out and she was moving on. The biological kids begged me not to sell it....and for their sakes, we're staying in the house. Remodeling is the word of the day.....but it's hard...really hard.. I shut down the apartment that I had lived with Elliot....and moved to the house that I had such bad, marital memories....A part of me feels as if I not only closed the apartment...but shut the door on my life with Elliot...being he never lived in the house....However, On the upside...I'm doing everything in my power to turn the house upside down....to cleanse the bad memories....to cleanse the sense of joint ownership....and move on...to realize...I own this home...it's mine and all 3 children.....Elliot will be here at XMAS to see it. Fortunately...I will be in NYC to visit with him at Thanksgiving....but there are days I wonder if I can make it that long without seeing him. I have never been without him since he came into our life, no more than 2 weeks apart. Now it's a month !!!!!

I'm not sure that I am expressing the deep emptiness I feel with Elliot being in NYC. The lonliness I feel is deep and so raw. Jessica and Andrew are great kids and having them live with me full time now...really helps, but my family is not complete right now. I'm wondering if it ever will be...except for Holidays and vacations. UGH !!!

It's been a month since moving him there. The emotions are not quite so raw. I haven't cried in the last week. Maybe, I'm adjusting....HA. NO...instead...I've been really insecure about our relationship....I am so afraid he's moving on. However, his comment is that he's moving forward not moving on

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shadowlove 35, Female, New York, USA - 60 entries

Sep 2007
7:42 PM EDT

There's something about the movie the sound of music that makes you think everything is right in the world.

(This is longer that I expected it to be)

So, I got back today from my brothers soccer tornament in Philadelphia. They played (supposedly) all Primier teams when they're a Division 1 team. And they should have won.... or had a better chance to.... I'll get to that later.

I missed the first game because it was really early in the morning and I'm nocturnal and don't sleep at night. Aparantly it was a very good game that ended in a tie: 1-1

The second game was a joke. My brothers team ran circles around the other team ending in a score of 8-1

Today, the first game was VERY phyisical.... and the ref let them all get away with it. Our team isn't generaly physical but when faced with that kind of phisicality... they can fight back with the rest of them. After the game, the coach was saying (loudly) how he was disapointed that we sunk down to there level, but then when we were in the parking lot he was like, 'if that ever happenes again and you don't retaliate, I will personaly punch you in the face'.... he was putting on a show before for the parents of the other team... he was really proud of them.

Okay... so the final.... the parents thought that the team was the penn. state champs but no one was sure. If they were it was because of their keeper. He made at least 4 game saving stops for their team in the second half. At the end of the fist half it was we were up 1-0, but within the first 10 mins of the second half they scored a goal on our mistake when we put the ball into the center of the defense. This was were their keeper came in handy. We had so many nice opportunities and took so many nice shots, but they either missed by an inch or the keeper stoped them. The only shots the other team seemed to be able to get off, would be ones resulting from our mistakes.

So, there's like a minute left in the second half, and one of their players is making a run at our goal when our defender runs in from the center and literaly body checks the kid out of the way (no one denies that happened). I'm not sure wether it was in the box or not.... from where I was sitting it looked like not - and I believe that parents that were sitting down there who say they saw it. Well, anyway, the ref calls the foul but as he's walking over the kid that got knocked down stands up and flat out punches our defender. The ref red card's the kid.... and gives his team a penalty kick.

Even the other teams coach knew that that was no way to end the final game in a tornament. Our coach called the kids off the feild after that, and wether it was that, or the last seconds played out, the ref called the game.

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