We (with Cory) started Christmas Friday the 21st at my dad's with "Her" and Jay and San. It was pretty tortureous! "she" is a sore subject! I could hardly stand seeing them together!
Then Sat morning we had Christmas with my mom at Jay and San's
Sunday the 23rd we went to a nice Church service in Spearfish and then to Cory's sisters in Rapid for Prime rib. That was nice and super yummy! ( I am ready for Jan. so I can stop eating so much!)
Then we came back home to gillette for Christmas. (CN with us of coarse!) Cory played "santa' and seemed to enjoy it! You can really tell how much he loves the boys but I was SSOOOO mean to him at time! I guess I can see why he has been so nonverbal and unloving!
Then we went to Burke 26th through 29th. It was okay and time with his family was nice but him and I were so distant! We hardly talked and didn't show much affection for eachother.... I don't want to make it sound so bad, it really wasn't bad but I was glad we finally started talking on the way home!
We went to the movie water horse when we got back to Spearfish!
First,
real quick, my tooth! It has been a long two weeks, in and out of the dentist office, on anitbiotics, still my tooth bothered me and hurt and got pretty damn bad, so finally I got a root canal today! I was so afraid of the root canal but so far so good, I think it probably helped but we'll see. I also got my permenant crown and so I don't have to go back the 21st!
Now, CN,,, I guess I don't really know where we stand. I have been SO extremely mean to him at times! I don't know why. I know my tooth hurting has been a Bitchyness factor but still the poor guy doesn't deserve it! My moods have been so up and down. Sometimes I think I need to get back on the A-D but I really don't want to! AGH! I don't know what to think anymore! I am going crazy with the boys, they are so naughty most days and I lose my patience with them and my anger gets the best of me. I think sometimes they deserve a good spanking but not all the yelling and me losing my temper and smacking them. I think Cory sees how I have been reacting and doesn't want to commit to "THIS!" and surely doesn't want to bring a baby into this mess! (Believe it or not, I have actually been thinking of a baby-- girl!---) and he hasn't been lovey to me or told me I am beautiful and doesn't talk to me hardly at all. I'm not sure what is going on with us. I do think I am starting to get stressed thinking about selling my house and moving and possibly giving up my job to be with someone who doesn't (right now) at like he even loves me! HUM!
Got my teeth cleaned recently... I was kinda having problems with #14 (top left second from the back). It felt like the floss would catch on the tooth but it never hurt. They said I had to get the old filling taken out and a crown. So, today I had to get it preped for a crown! I was very nervous and didn't want to do it! It wasn't that bad and I got a temperary crown until I can get mypermenant crown on the 21st.
CN and I don't seem to be getting along so great. I mean things "seem" fine but I have been super bitchy to him and he hasn't been too lovey! Sometimes I wonder if we are really meant to be! Maybe I am starting to take him for granted! I am still working on the house plans and trying to get my house ready to sell which he has been a big help with my house. He painted Oakley's room and did a great job! I need to be more grateful to him! I feel like he hasn't been talking to me about what he wants as far as this merge! who knows maybe he does't want it all and just won't tell me. Our communication isn't so great right now!
Come to find out it must not have been pink eye. I treated it for 3 days and it never got better. I started washing it with baby soap and it slowly got better! HUM! Went to the eye Doc Friday and she said it looked fine and that appt. went well, ordered another years worth of contacts and good to go!
My teeth, on my right side.still hurt a little off and on, not quite sure what that is, but I go in for my first crown in two days! NOT excited for that! Actually I am scared.
So good to have God on my side, we had safe travels this weekend (To spearfish and Belle) even in the 4-6 in. of snow we got around here and the Hills! My boys seem well again and BEST OF ALL!!!! JETT HAS BEEN DRY 4 NIGHTS IN A ROW!!!! I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!
My heart still seems to have a "skipped beat" that makes me feel OWIE sometimes. I would say about 1-3 times a day I notice it. I am just trying to get use to it but it does still bug me and worry me some! I'd rather just not feel my heartbeating,,, I'd like to leave that heartbeating thing up to God! When I feel it I take a potassium. Don't know if that helps or not but maybe it's "mind medicine"
Yesterday we had THANKSGIVING at Jay and San's. Her mom and dad and grandma & grandpa were there. We had primerib and a pretty nice time. CN came with us.
It seems like with CN we are really becoming a family. We are spending as much time with him as possible now that he is done hunting. He got a 4x5 deer that he was pretty happy with but didn't feel it was big enough to mount.
We are starting to work on house plans (modular) to possibly put on a foundation on Dad's land in Sundance. It isn't totally ideal for both of us and our jobs but we think it might work and "might" be ready for the next step.
I sent out areally nice picture card of CN, the boys and me infront of rough lock falls in Spearfish canyon to everyone! Guess that makes our little family sort of more official to everyone else.
Took J and O to the Church for the Halloween party there, Oct 31st. It was fun but Jett was so upset that he didn't get to go "real" trick or treating! He was a skunk. Mom made the costume and it was GREAT! He looked SO cute! He won the costume contest for his age. Oakley was a soccer player at school and a bug catcher at the church. He was also very cute but not as "into" his costumes as J.
CN and I went to Jay and Sans for their Halloween party (Sat. Nov. 3rd). We left the boys at my dad's (AGH! and she was there! I really shouldn't "settle" for him to babysit when she is around! Still a sore subject!) anyway, we dressed up as the "dead bride and groom" I wore my wedding dress! and he wore an old Jacket of DB's! He wasn't too happy about that! We painted our faces white and black circles under our eyes. Looked pretty good but probably jinxed us with the "dead" married couple! We didn't have too much to drink but had a pretty enjoyable time.
Happy Birthday to ME! BLAA!! Whoptie Do! the big 32~ :( Nothing Big at all, just a regular day but I felt sorry for myself pretty much all day because it wasn't anything "special" I made CN go buy me a Pie from Perkins! I ate 1/2 of it!
Friday we left for SD. Stayed with CN Friday night and then we went to Burke for the weekend. It was nice but I started getting sick on the way there.... Sore throat, swollen glands, and super bad sinus Heachache. I swear, as soon as I get better with one thing something else comes on. I have contiued to be sick the entire weekend.
Got to see CN's mom and sister, Sandy and her family and the new 3 month old baby. The baby didn't like us holding her so that was sad but oh well I guess she just isn't use to strangers!
I was VERY, VERY tired coming home, it is hard being off the caffeine. BUT, my heart hasn't really given me any problems. Slowly it has went away... I am starting to think it was all anxiety! I guess I better stay on the A-D
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