Agh..! this feeling.. i cnt explain.. so i was looking and browsing around u know.. and i go to rickys comments and i see this pix of him that i was like :0 .. and it was just like a while ago i saw this.. and idk.. ahh honestly i miss him dearly.. well not really.. idk what is it about myspace that makes me become so down.. like maybe its cus i see his statuses and see that he moved on already.. theres still a part of me that would love to go back to him.. then theres a part of me thats like u deserve better.. so now its like half and half.. but u swear ima get back with him.. ehh.. but u know idk why but i wuld love to be friends with him.. idk why� but i get flashbacks often.. i remember all the words he told me.. which were obiously now lies.. gosh like seriously how was i so stupid.. all the words he told me were a bunch of lies..!! lies lies lies.. "I'm nothing without you" "if i would ever loose you I'd cry." "You mean the world to me" "I'll love you even though we aren't together" "I love you so fucken much"
Ugh.. i hate him so much.. i hate how he just tore me up so easily and now he moved on like nothing ever happened.. why does he choose to torture me.. i hate him so much.. like i wish he could suffer..! i wish he would suffer the pain that i suffer for his dumbass .. why cant he just leave me alone.. take ur dumb memories. take ur dumb words back...� Fuck what i said.! it doesnt mean shit now!! Fuck you! ugh.. i hate him.........
Sammy.. sammy.. sammy.. ahh.. i dnt wanna hurt you.. i honestly dont.. he tells me he loves me so fucken mmuch.. and :/ idk.. i dnt believe what people tell me anymore.. im scared to� believe people.. im scared of loving.. x(
like i want to stop talking to him.. i want him to find someone perfect.. to find someone who lives near him.. and makes him happy.. i honestly want the best for him and i feel the best for him is not me.. its not me at all.. i have to stop txting him.. try to avoid all his txt and try to avoid all his calls and msgs..� i have to.. i cant confront him againn about how i cnt be with him.. cus i promised him i wouldnt.. but i have to,.. & i will just not now.. :/
this feelings im feeling.. x( make me become so depressed.. I just need a clean slate from everything.. from everyone.. forget all memories.. i feel so lonley and i hate that feeling.. i need someone.. not sammy because i dnt wanna hurt him.. i just need someoe who actually means what they say to me, someone who wont hurt me someone who shows me what love is.. i need someone.. i feel so unloved.. so undesired.. so idk?? confused??
god help me.. I hate being like this.. i just wanna be happy.. but its hard being happy.. :/ i just wnna break down and cry.. but icnt.. ughh life... its so hard :(
-ttyl</3
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