alrite theres a guy in my life he means a great deal 2 me yea i love him. But about 8 mnths ago we were sumwat tlkn. this is when i developed the strong feelns 4 him b/c we got so close ovr spring break. with us it was txtn day and nite but we werent dating. and about 5days b4 break was ovr he tld me he had startd going w/ anothr girl. Yes he knew i had strong feelns 4 him and wantd 2b w/him, he evn tld me he loved me. and aftr he got his gf i had been so sad and cryed probly evryday ovr him. I wantd 2 tell him that i loved him and wantd 2b w/him 4 him not sex. at 1st i sorta just wantd sex frm him like a fwb thng but it turned 2 so much more. and aftr all this happend i have real bad trust issues w/him. we didn tlk at all but myspace ovr summer since he had his phone taken 4 lots a fighting.
now 2 the issue (just thot u needed alittle background on the situation). he just got his phone back on 12/22 and startd txtn me (so did anithr guy that called me a bitch acting like evrythng was ok with us. and we had a simple conversatn then he was like i heard sumthn about u. he said he heard wat i had done w/a guy at a theme park i had just met at nite)(and its like a theme park that during october stays open at nite)(ill admit i made a mistake but im not saying wat b/c i dnt want 2b thot of as a ho cause i am not) and i had only tld 2 ppl about wat happend tht nite the guy that tld me he loved me and my gurlcrush. and i dnt believe in any way she tld. so i blamed the guy and he yelled at me tld me i dnt trust him and tht he didn do tht. but i believe he did but is lying b/c the guy that calld me a bitch theyre friends. and yes we shud have a great deal a trust aftr evrythng we've been through but i dnt trust him and i blamed him i didn ask if he did it i blamed him. so was i wrong shud i trust him aftr wat we have gone through?
you ever feel like guys are all just plain jerks? well i do i believe this because i have tlkd 2 a decent (not ho-ish) amount of guys and they all cared about that 1 thing. Know wat that 1 thing is...sex, and you start to feel like they will all be that way and you just really need a break. Thats how i feel rite now, i knew i wanted a deff. break frm them but thot i wud b alone during that time period of my "break". But i met a great girl instead. She is so real and understanding and i happen 2 like her quite a bit. and the great thng about us tlkn is that we can relate on soo many levels and not have 2 worry about each othr just being after sex by lying to us. Yes i wud like to have a sexual relationshp wit her. i kno im not scared have a physical connectn at all with her or to be bisexual. You kno i thot it wud all be just a fun nice little experament but it isnt whats-so-ever. I can honestly say this is the first time i am really happy talking to sumone.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts.Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." NEIL GAIMAN
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