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Saturday - Dec. 22, 2007
- 12:51 PM - EDT
- #20
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I just got my new desktop today. Just slightly more than a week ago, I was telling a few of my friends how much I wanted to have one because I wanna play MMO. Someone asked me if I wanna play MMO it's because I'm lonely.
Actually, not at all. I have plenty of things that I like to do to keep me busy. I just would like to try something new. That's all.
I started gaming once it's all set up and ready. I had fun and along the way I think I did quite a few things that made other players roled their eyes. (haha...)
However, there's something that's bothering me. -.-
How I managed to have this desktop at such a short notice was all because of my cousin who was so willing to spend on me. I was really thankful. I haven't been a very good spot today because I got pissed at what mom said to me... AGAIN (just like so many time in my life).
I forgot to thank my cousin and got mad because the cd/dvd drive couldn't work well. My cousin said that seller wanted her to come down to his store to get a new drive, and he's even willing to upgrade it for us... for free. To me, that's not the point. His store is so far away and my cousin told me she wasn't even sure of the way as well yet she just agreed to go down to his store to pick it up and said that she knew how to fix or change the drive.
That seller has the responsibility to come over to my house and fix that problem. I felt that my cousin was being to easy going. -.- Or maybe I'm simply being too difficult. I just feel that since he's the seller, he should be the one to provide us the service and not us who's making things convenient for him.
In the end, after waiting for such a long time for my cousin to help me set up the PC, I got bored and started reading my manga. I couldn't really paid attention to her when she was showing me some stuff and I didn't realised that I haven't thanked her for today. I did thank her profusely when she offered to get the PC for me, but I just didn't do it today. -.- I felt so rude, worst of all my mom was the one who reminded me.
This isn't the first time I didn't thank someone who has helped me. It's not that I didn't want to thank them, I simply forgot or didn't realise that I... just didn't. This is so embarrassing.
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Sunday - Dec. 2, 2007
- 12:24 PM - EDT
- #19
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I have gone through this with myself over and over again, and each time when I thought I have found a new friend whom I can trust and depend on... I got disappointed again. I kept falling in and out of this belief of friends forever, or this belief could never be applied to me.
I don't know if it's my silly thinking, or the way I am that caused myself to be disapointed.
I know that no one is a lone island in this world and we are meant to work together. Yea, maybe. But I feel that other than that, I'm... all alone. People whom I called friends kept giving me false hope, empty promises.
I don't know what to say.
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Sunday - Nov. 4, 2007
- 9:13 AM - EDT
- #17
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My last day of work was last Friday. Towards the end of the day, it was crazy because I had to run up and down searching for people to do staff clearance for me. The IT guy wasn't being a great help when he wasn't willing to sign the clearance form for me and said that I should have get this done earlier. Just how earlier could I have get it done when he came over at 4:40 to my PC?<BR><BR>I went around on my last day snapping pictures with people whom I got to know. Unfortunately, yours truly forgot to insert the SD card into the camera and left it at home so I could only take 7 pictures. So I only took it with people who were worthwhile.<BR><BR&
amp;gt;Veron
gave me an ornament cat; it was a laughing cat. I was grinning from ear to ear when I unwrapped it and I was really thankful.<BR><BR&am
p;gt;Yang
Li gave me a pair of earrings of small silver apples. One of it is hollow, another was filled with 'diamonds'.<BR><BR&
amp;gt;The
3 uncles treated me to my farewell lunch that Wednesday, the day after our farewell lunch with our departments.<BR>During that whole time, our dear boss didn't even bother to strike a conversation with us and didn't even really look our way. Not that I care, but it just goes to show what kind of person she really is.<BR><BR>A
ctually,
my last day should be on 2nd November. However, my dear boss said that I could leave on the 26th October since she's already found my replacement and also in consideration that I hadn't taken any leave throughout my stay in the company. So she decided to let me have a short break before I start working. =.= That's a nice way to put it.<BR><BR>L
ai
Lin asked if I would miss them a few days before my last day. I told her I couldn't answer her question since I hadn't left that place yet.<BR>Now, I don't miss them. I do wonder how are they doing, but not like I'm dying to know. They were all nice people and I thank them for their inexhausible amount of patience. I guess the bond just isn't deep enough.<BR>Though I have gotten used to the lifestyle, I don't miss it either. I would still wake up at 8 sometimes even 7:30.<BR>I feel more relaxed and happier because I have more time to do what I want to do.<BR><BR>S
o,
What have I done during my 1 week break...<BR>Last Saturday: Went to Jimmy's birthday party. I didn't enjoy myself at all because there were a whole bunch of people whom I didn't know and I didn't bother to join in the conversation. They were Jimmy's secondary school friends and they already knew one another. So I had to initiate to join in the conversation which I couldn't be bothered. They were nice people but my mind just wouldn't flow. Does it matter? We wont' see one other again and even if we do, we might not remember one another.<BR>Poly people came much later. I didn't stay for long because I was going to have dinner with Judith. I could have cancelled on her but there was not reason for me to stay at the party.<BR>I already knew this would happen and I still decided to go to his party was because he's a good friend.<BR>I realised that... there are lots of things I don't know about Jimmy. Maybe because I didn't ask, and he's the one who's always asking about me.<BR>Well, we've chatted online many times, and each time we chatted for a long time. However, there were lots of things that my poly mates knew about him and I don't. If it's because I didn't ask, I wish he would tell me. Sometimes in a relationship, you'll tell another party without being ask.<BR>It seems that he's always the one who's giving, I feel... untrusted.<BR>Oh well, we hardly talked these days ever since started working.<BR>Sunday: Went for service and joined Judith's family for lunch, then went to Serangoon to view their new house. They are moving next year. Her dad drove through KPE so that he can drop us off at town. I respect those people who build this underground expressway. It's huge and it's VERY long. Tough.<BR>We went shopping and went back to her apartment (current) to have dinner because I was too poor to dine outside. My salary's on hold.<BR>While having dinner, we watched this movie, "Forrest Gump" starring Tom Hanks. He's always in these interesting/meaningful movies. This is a very old movie because the Tom Hanks I saw in that movie was quite young.<BR>Monday: Went for interview and headed for manga rental shop after that. Meet up with mom to see doctor. I got home in the afternoon and was dead tired. So I took a nap and got woken up by mom because of a phone call - they were going to hire me and I start work tomorrow.<BR><BR&am
p;gt;Tuesday:
Went to sign letter of appointment and try out the new uniform. Had lunch and dinner with the 3 uncles and Yang Li. They brought their spouses except for one,and I left so awkward. But it's their treat for both meals.<BR><BR&g
t;Wednesday
& Thursday: Stayed at home and play games, read comics, magazine.<BR><BR&am
p;gt;Friday:
Went to DVD/VCD rental shop with Judith. It's so expensive to rent a movie - $7 each! Never again will I ever RENT this on my own. Judith's family is member so they have already pre-paid for the rental fees; Judith didn't pay a single cent. I felt a tad cheated.<BR>We watched Dirty Dancing, and Music and Lyrics. Nice movies. Had lunch and desert at her apartment.<BR>I rented Dirty Dancing 2 and Big Fish.<BR>Dirty Dancing isn't dirty.<BR><BR&g
t;Saturday:
Stayed at home and play games. Went to peace center, then had dinner with my cousin and niece.<BR>My niece LOVES (that's an understatement) pink.<BR><BR>
;Today:
Stayed at home and play games. Watch High School Musical.<BR>I dunno what to say about the singing - the lead actress's singing. Is that her original singing voice? Can she really sing?
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Sunday - Oct. 14, 2007
- 5:19 AM - EDT
- #16
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I just bought a digital camera yesterday. It was my first ever digital camera that I owned.<BR><BR>Actually, I hardly used digital cameras at all. I don't borrow from friends and I don't use my cousin's. I used my cell phone's camera to capture things or scenery that I wanted to. Of course it does bother me that sometimes the image isn't clear but that's only so much a 1.2 megapixel camera phone could do.<BR><BR>I bought Nikon Coolpix, 8.1 megapixel. It cost me $460, and that person gave me a free pouch where I can keep the camera, and a 2 GB SD card. Then he asked if I'm interested to get an additional battery at a discounted price of $58, with a free screen protector. The original price of the battery is $84 (if I remember correctly), and the screen protector cost $15.<BR>I do wonder if I made a mistake by buying the additional stuff, but I do need the screen protector.<BR><BR>The reason why I bought this digital camera out of the blue was because I have tendered. So I need to utilise my Flexi Benefits given by my company, otherwise they'll just wipe it away. I've only worked there for almost 4 months, and my last working day should qualify me for a Flexi Benefit of $211.29 and my purchase has exceeded my claimable.<BR>I felt my heart ache when I bought this camera. To me right now, a camera is not a must so that's why I feel the pinch that I'm paying for it first. Moreover, I couldn't get it fully reimbursed as well.
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Saturday - Oct. 6, 2007
- 10:48 AM - EDT
- #15
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The thought of moving out and living by myself is more appealing than ever. And lately, I've been thinking of doing this more often.
I'm afraid that I might really do it. But the expenses would be terrible, too much for me to bear.
Mom's been real nice after aunt passed away. And there's a reason behind this. Aunt told us she's very sad that mom and I couldn't get along well when aunt was hospitalised. Aunt somehow knew that she won't live long. I wonder if I would know my death as well.
Mom told me that she's trying to bridge the gap between us, she's making efforts because that's what aunt would wish to see.
How mom and I come into that conversation is another story, but this conversation has an ugly ending.
She also said that since she's being nice on her part, she hoped that I would also change. HONESTLY, I don't think I can help being the way I am, undomestic. I'm not interested in doing house chores, and she constantly barking at me to get me clean up. She's tired, so am I.I'm comfortable living in this mess.
I don't appreciate her being nice to me at all. Because I've never expected her to be truly nice to me. No, that's a lie. A long time ago, when I was still in secondary school, I still longed for her love and her being nice to me. Ever since I entered into tertiary education, I've been very much on my own. I asked allowance from her and she's got her ways of making me feeling guilty to take money from her. Sometimes I would end up skipping meals so that I would have enough for transport.
That's why when she said that I should give her money since I started working, I totally HATE it when my cousin is already giving her money. On top of that, she's also working. She doesn't even need my money, but she just want to take it from me.
I told a few people that I would give money to my mom, but I would never take care of her.
I feel so disgusted that I even have to pay my respect to her during Chinese New Year. It's all damn shit, when in normal days I'm trying very hard to restrain myself from cursing her.
Yea, I'm an evil witch. So what? I'm just so damn pissed.
Of course, there are things I fear. There's this saying goes "monkey see, monkey do" and I'm beginning to find it quite true. So many times I find that I'm similar to my mom, which is totally disgusting.
I'm not sure if I really do feel for my mom, because despite how much I dislike her and wanting to distant myself away from her, but there are times I do want to hug her. I wonder if it's because she's my mom and we do have a special bond. But there are times when I feel like that for some people and they are not even my close friends. Well, they are just people whom I know. I don't think I have any friends. I'm not exactly bothered that I don't have any friends whom I can comfortably rely on, because I've been on my own for a long time.
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Sunday - Sep. 23, 2007
- 1:36 PM - EDT
- #14
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<P>I just found out that Trinity Blood was based on the novel written by Yoshida Sunao. </P>
<P>According to Wikipedia, Yoshida Sunao passed away at the age of 34 in 2004. I'm not sure how many volumes of novel he managed to publish, but it was confirmed that it was incomplete. The story was finished by Yoshida's friend - Yasui Kentaro.</P>
<P>This reminded me of J. R. R. Tolkien. He passed away before he could finish writing Lord Of The Ring. The reason why the story was able to complete was because of his drafts. I wonder if that's how Yoshida Sunao's work was completed. Since Yasui and Yoshida were both novelists, they probably exchange ideas with each another, so Yasui probably knew about the story better than anyone else.</P>
<P>According to Wikipedia, the novel, manga and anime differ from one another.</P>
<P>I have only completed watching the anime.<BR>Since this story itself has many fighting scenes, the visual is just spectacular. The action, the colours, the customes, the characters, the setting of places, such as buildings, they are a feast to the eyes. I mentioned characters, because you won't be able to see how the characters look like in a novel, even though the face of the characters were just drawn. At least that gives you something to remember, rather just a sea of words and your imaginations that you may not be sure of.<BR>The audio is just as great too. I like Esther's voice. Though she's somewhat considered as a main character, she only made her first appearance a few episodes later. And after she finally appeared, she disappeared for quite a few episodes and only appeared (sometimes it seemed for the sake of appearing) again much later.<BR>Dandelion tend to be more violent and act rushly, but he's not unkind. He's just... rough. Apparently, he was in Prison for quite a long period of time before returning to the Ax.<BR>The Pope... I wanna slap him when he first made his appearance. He's indecisive and often sandwiched in between his sister's and brother's decision in the course of actions to be taken. The Pope only followed his brother's decisions because his brother yelled at him. <BR>His brother... I wish a thousand death upon him. He's a harsh man who always think strength and power are the only way to make people listen, and always opposing his sister's - Caterina - idea of Co-existence between the 2 different kinds.<BR>I think I can only remember the names of characters whom I like. =_="<BR>The anime didn't give a solid, well-concluded ending that the baddies really died and the righteous or justice has win the day. It just ended off showing that the fight must go on, in order to achieve peace so that Methuselahs and humans can co-exist. Both parties have lots of misunderstanding.<BR>Also, with the Orden <- that's the baddie, (I can't really spell the full name. =_="') in the middle stirring up things and making things difficult, if not worse, that's why the fight must go on.</P>
<P>According to Wikipedia, there are now 8 manga volumes. However, the manga rental shop I went to, the boss told me that the story seemed to stop at Volume 7 and it has stopped for quite somet time. If that's the case, Volume 8 is probably the latest volume published, probably recently this year. Actually I can't seemed to find anything on Volume 8 of Trinity Blood.</P>
<P>Once again, according to Wikipedia, the Japanese novels were translated into Chinese, Korean and English. The titles of the translated English novels were different from the original Japanese novels, while the Korean and Chinese translated versions remained faithfully the same.<BR>I wonder if this could mean there may be a deviation in the English translated novel from the original Japanese novels. <BR>I would love to read the novel, however I would also love to stick closely to the original as much as possible. Deviation sometimes I feel would lose some of the essence of the story.</P>
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Tags: anime, manga, Trinity Blood, novel
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Saturday - Sep. 22, 2007
- 1:28 PM - EDT
- #13
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<DIV>The anime of Aishiteruze Baby consists of 26 episodes.<BR><BR>The story started off with Yuzuyu, whose mother went missing after the death of her husband. In the anime, the cause of the husband's death wasn't mentioned. I'm not so sure whether it was mentioned in the manga or if the anime had been following the manga story faithfully. I didn't do a Wikipedia search, since to me, this is an anime that's good enough to watch. I feel that the manga would be kinda draggy.<BR><BR>Yuzuyu was sent to her mother's sister, in short Yuzuyu's to live with her aunt. And the task of taking care of Yuzuyu was delegated to Kippei - Yuzuyu's cousin.<BR>Kippei's sister is a terrifying woman, she's extremely fierce but she's actually very nice.<BR><BR>Kippei was a irresponsible 17 year old high schooler and was never really serious with girls. He's quite popular with the girls in school.<BR>As he started to take care of Yuzuyu, he learnt to take up responsibilities and become a more reliable person. He learnt to take care of other people around him and take relationships seriously. Though he's still the same brainless guy - he's still quite stupid at times.<BR>Then he took an interest in Kokoro - a classmate. As the story progresses, you could roughly tell that Kokoro's slightly interested in Kippei, even though he was still quite a playboy at the beginning.<BR><BR>Kokoro has a sad family life, very much opposed to Kippei's family life. In one of the episodes, Kokoro was really upset and she skipped school. This was really rare, so Kippei got worried and went to her house. Kokoro said that she actually disliked Kippei because looking at him made her feel she's lonely.<BR>My question to myself was that, if that's the case, why was she together with him in the first place. Though Kippei can be quite stupid, he was very nice to Kokoro even after she said that. I don't hate Kokoro because she went through quite a difficult time with her dad, so her character is more reserved. Once she let it out, it'd be likea flood gate suddenly left open.<BR><BR>After that episode, Kokoro still said that she's used to being alone because she's already grown up. She finally admitted that she's lonely, and that growing up didn't chase away the lonliness. That statement confused me once again because she's already with Kippei. Hmm...<BR>But I guess that's probably because Kippei is only like Kokoro's part time boyfriend? Kippei spent lots of his free time taking care of Yuzuyu and hardly had any time for other things, not that he seemed to mind.<BR>It's already made known that they were together, but they had never gone on a date before.<BR><BR>The ending was really nice. I don't think the manga series had ended yet. I went online to search for its manga and it seemed that it's remain stagnant for quite some time.<BR>BUT I don't think I would want to read the manga.<BR>Yuzuyu's really cute but sometimes I find her... irritating. Kids... I just don't really like them, so I can't stand them when... They can't be reasonable.</DIV>
<DIV>Also
,
even in the last episode of the anime, Yuzuyu's mother didn't go back to bring Yuzuyu back home. Yuzuyu's mother said that she'll bring Yuzuyu back when she's strong enough, when she wouldn't cry every day. </DIV>
<DIV>This anime also brings our attention so family violence. <BR><BR>I thought anime is more fun because you have the audio effects. Yuzuyu's voice is cute.</DIV>
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Tags: anime, Aishiteruze Baby, manga
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Saturday - Sep. 15, 2007
- 5:19 AM - EDT
- #11
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<DIV>I really love stories like this.<BR><BR>I think I love stories that's not based on today's way of life and time, but a more traditional way of life. A life when we don't depend too much on technologies, and all surrounded by sky scrapers.<BR><BR>'How I Live Now' really makes me look forward to life in countryside. Yea, it's not convenient and sometimes you need to walk or travel out of town to get something. But I love to walk and going somewhere far. I would love to be in a place where I don't have to stare at computer for more than 10hours a day. Of course I need computer for my daily dosage of anime. But that's like my television. So I can probably do without a TV.<BR>Well, I would like to work hard for my food like planting 'em.<BR>I also like the family life in the book. Maybe because I don't have this kind of tight knitted family bond. But I think it's fun to live together with people like that. Going down to the river to fish or swim, and picnic or go outing or just simply doing things together. That's... nice.<BR><BR>I would love to do something, like planting. It's fun to be out in the sun and... where the air is cleaner. Like a de scription which I think it's really suitable, to be "drowned in fertility". That's what I wish to have in life.<BR><BR>Of course what I meant to say isn't the kind of life whereby there's no electricity. In this book, you get nature and human living together. And relationships that's beautiful. I love the relationships and the settings of the story.</DIV>
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Tags: Meg Rosoff, How I Live Now
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Thursday - Sep. 13, 2007
- 12:24 PM - EDT
- #10
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Last Friday was my company's Dinner & Dance.
I made 2 of my colleagues to accompany me to go. The thing about this is that, it's supposed to be something fun and enjoyable, but somehow it turned out to be bad. Nobody's interested to be in the same table with our dear boss. I have nothing against her but that also doesn't mean I like her as well. I don't like everybody these days; people whom I don't regard as my friends. So much anger and hate these days.
In the end, Yang Li were buddies with people from BD and so we decided to form a table with 'em. So there's only 5 of us forming a table, half filled. I didn't count our boss yet.
However, on that day, the people from BD weren't able to form a table with us because an email was sent quite last minute to inform them that they have to sit with the industrial people. Sad story.
I really love this dress that I bought for this occassion. Actually, even if I didn't go for this D&D, I would still buy that dress because it's something I've been searching for all these time. Something that I really want.
Sharing a table with our boss is actually no big deal, but to be honest, I totally find D&D boring and I didn't enjoy myself at all.
I feel lonely to be in this event, though I'm surrounded by people. Dr Wong is in our table and we all know how fierce she is, but she's our boss's friend; GOOD friend. And many other powerful people. So, how can I possibly enjoy this damn dinner?
After the D&D, 2 of my colleagues just go off like that because their hubbies were there to pick them up. So that only left me with our boss, and another colleague who didn't sit with us in the same table. She's got her own friends, so she probably find it fun, while I find it so full of... nonsense. =_=
We took some pictures before going off but now that I look at those pictures, I feel like deleting 'em away because my smiles were so damn fake.
This is my first and last time ever going to this kind dumb event. I don't even have anyone whom I considered as friends to enjoy it with, so what's the point of wasting my time. Argh~
Though boss is kind enough to drive me out so that she can drop me off at the MRT station, when it's within 5-10 minutes walk, but I still appreciate it. Probably she may find it lonely to walk to the carpark on her own. Well, me too; lonely to walk off that place ALONE.
I got home dead tired wondering why in the world did I even make the effort to go anyway.
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Saturday - Sep. 1, 2007
- 9:43 AM - EDT
- #9
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<DIV>After so much had happened, I finally was able to smile a little and even feel excited.</DIV><BR>
<DIV&
gt;My
Takeru is here. Actually he arrived last Saturday and I received a call from the Post Office. I went to collect him on Wednesday and my heart pounded with excitment.</DIV><BR>
<DI
V>When
I got home and opened the parcel, he's beautiful! I love his resin, his hands and every part of him. I haven't take pictures of him yet because he's naked (though still beautiful and sexy) and he doesn't has his face up done yet. </DIV>
<DIV>Even without his face painted, I don't feel afraid of him or even thought of him as creepy. </DIV><BR>
<DIV>The wig that comes with him, well I think I might have to cut off some of it. Because the fringe covered half of his beautiful face! The eyes, they are blue. I was hoping that I would get green. I think blue is fine. </DIV><BR>
<DIV>The only slight, small problem is the head cap. There's something wrong with the alignment, so the cap doesn't fit well on the opening. Other than that, I have no complains at all. </DIV>
<DIV>Sending him back would be my last solution because I don't think I would be able to part with him. </DIV>
<DIV>I thought I had to wait till end of September, and I had almost wanted to sing 'Wake me up when September ends'. It really was a pleasant surprise.</DIV>
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Tags: Doll In Mind, Ball jointed doll
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Friday - Aug. 24, 2007
- 8:50 AM - EDT
- #8
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<DIV>aunt's burial was yesterday. </DIV><BR>
<DIV>i cried a lot yesterday at the funeral because it seems... final. I cried when I was walking behind the car with her coffin. When they covered the top portion of the coffin and knowing that i couldn't see her face anymore, i cried even harder. Tears like rain drops just keep pouring down.</DIV><BR>
<DIV>
i
love her a lot.</DIV><BR>
<DIV>w
hen
they finally lowered her coffin down to the pit hole, part of my heart went with her. i am separated from her.</DIV><BR>
<DIV>i will always remember her habits, her mannerism and images of her will always stay with me. Her voice will fade in my memory in time to come, there's nothing i can do to stop it. Right now, i will remember how she called my name, the food she made for me with love, always saving the best for us. Her sandy voice she used to call my name, how she tried to sing a song and i laughed at her voice, how she said hello over the phone, how she told me she cried over the phone when i called her to tell her that a group of male workers trying to open my house door when i was all alone at home when i was only 10 years old, how she tried to hide me from my mom when mom was mad at me and wanted to spank me real bad when i was around 4 years old, how she kept my secrets from my mom so that mom wouldn't spank me. all that, i'll try my best to remember it for as long as i can. </DIV><BR>
<DIV>her love for me seemed so... huge that's beyond measure. </DIV><BR>
<DIV>i will miss her.</DIV>
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