berries7cinnamon's Journal

I just got my new desktop today. Just slightly more than a week ago, I was telling a few of my friends how much I wanted to have one because I wanna play MMO. Someone asked me if I wanna play MMO it's because I'm lonely.

Actually, not at all. I have plenty of things that I like to do to keep me busy. I just would like to try something new. That's all.

I started gaming once it's all set up and ready. I had fun and along the way I think I did quite a few things that made other players roled their eyes. (haha...)

However, there's something that's bothering me. -.-

I have gone through this with myself over and over again, and each time when I thought I have found a new friend whom I can trust and depend on... I got disappointed again. I kept falling in and out of this belief of friends forever, or this belief could never be applied to me.

I don't know if it's my silly thinking, or the way I am that caused myself to be disapointed.

I know that no one is a lone island in this world and we are meant to work together. Yea, maybe. But I feel that other than that, I'm... all alone. People whom I called friends kept giving me false hope, empty promises.

I don't know what to say.

The thought of moving out and living by myself is more appealing than ever. And lately, I've been thinking of doing this more often.
I'm afraid that I might really do it. But the expenses would be terrible, too much for me to bear.

Mom's been real nice after aunt passed away. And there's a reason behind this. Aunt told us she's very sad that mom and I couldn't get along well when aunt was hospitalised. Aunt somehow knew that she won't live long. I wonder if I would know my death as well.

Mom told me that she's trying to bridge the gap between us, she's making efforts because that's what aunt would wish to see.
How mom and I come into that conversation is another story, but this conversation has an ugly ending.
She also said that since she's being nice on her part, she hoped that I would also change. HONESTLY, I don't think I can help being the way I am, undomestic. I'm not interested in doing house chores, and she constantly barking at me to get me clean up. She's tired, so am I.I'm comfortable living in this mess.

I don't appreciate her being nice to me at all. Because I've never expected her to be truly nice to me. No, that's a lie. A long time ago, when I was still in secondary school, I still longed for her love and her being nice to me. Ever since I entered into tertiary education, I've been very much on my own. I asked allowance from her and she's got her ways of making me feeling guilty to take money from her. Sometimes I would end up skipping meals so that I would have enough for transport.
That's why when she said that I should give her money since I started working, I totally HATE it when my cousin is already giving her money. On top of that, she's also working. She doesn't even need my money, but she just want to take it from me.

I told a few people that I would give money to my mom, but I would never take care of her.
I feel so disgusted that I even have to pay my respect to her during Chinese New Year. It's all damn shit, when in normal days I'm trying very hard to restrain myself from cursing her.
Yea, I'm an evil witch. So what? I'm just so damn pissed.

Of course, there are things I fear. There's this saying goes "monkey see, monkey do" and I'm beginning to find it quite true. So many times I find that I'm similar to my mom, which is totally disgusting.
I'm not sure if I really do feel for my mom, because despite how much I dislike her and wanting to distant myself away from her, but there are times I do want to hug her. I wonder if it's because she's my mom and we do have a special bond. But there are times when I feel like that for some people and they are not even my close friends. Well, they are just people whom I know. I don't think I have any friends. I'm not exactly bothered that I don't have any friends whom I can comfortably rely on, because I've been on my own for a long time.

I just found out that Trinity Blood was based on the novel written by Yoshida Sunao.

According to Wikipedia, Yoshida Sunao passed away at the age of 34 in 2004. I'm not sure how many volumes of novel he managed to publish, but it was confirmed that it was incomplete. The story was finished by Yoshida's friend - Yasui Kentaro.

This reminded me of J. R. R. Tolkien. He passed away before he could finish writing Lord Of The Ring. The reason why the story was able to complete was because of his drafts. I wonder if that's how Yoshida Sunao's work was completed. Since Yasui and Yoshida were both novelists, they probably exchange ideas with each another, so Yasui probably knew about the story better than anyone else.

According to Wikipedia, the novel, manga and anime differ from one another.

I have only completed watching the anime.
Since this story itself has many fighting scenes, the visual is just spectacular. The action, the colours, the customes, the characters, the setting of places, such as buildings, they are a feast to the eyes. I mentioned characters, because you won't be able to see how the characters look like in a novel, even though the face of the characters were just drawn. At least that gives you something to remember, rather just a sea of words and your imaginations that you may not be sure of.
The audio is just as great too. I like Esther's voice. Though she's somewhat considered as a main character, she only made her first appearance a few episodes later. And after she finally appeared, she disappeared for quite a few episodes and only appeared (sometimes it seemed for the sake of appearing) again much later.
Dandelion tend to be more violent and act rushly, but he's not unkind. He's just... rough. Apparently, he was in Prison for quite a long period of time before returning to the Ax.
The Pope... I wanna slap him when he first made his appearance. He's indecisive and often sandwiched in between his sister's and brother's decision in the course of actions to be taken. The Pope only followed his brother's decisions because his brother yelled at him.
His brother... I wish a thousand death upon him. He's a harsh man who always think strength and power are the only way to make people listen, and always opposing his sister's - Caterina - idea of Co-existence between the 2 different kinds.
I think I can only remember the names of characters whom I like. =_="
The anime didn't give a solid, well-concluded ending that the baddies really died and the righteous or justice has win the day. It just ended off showing that the fight must go on, in order to achieve peace so that Methuselahs and humans can co-exist. Both parties have lots of misunderstanding.
Also, with the Orden <- that's the baddie, (I can't really spell the full name. =_="') in the middle stirring up things and making things difficult, if not worse, that's why the fight must go on.

According to Wikipedia, there are now 8 manga volumes. However, the manga rental shop I went to, the boss told me that the story seemed to stop at Volume 7 and it has stopped for quite somet time. If that's the case, Volume 8 is probably the latest volume published, probably recently this year. Actually I can't seemed to find anything on Volume 8 of Trinity Blood.

Once again, according to Wikipedia,�the Japanese novels were translated into Chinese, Korean and English. The titles of the translated English novels were different from the original Japanese novels, while the Korean and Chinese translated versions remained faithfully the same.
I wonder if this could mean there may be a deviation in the English translated novel from the original Japanese novels.
I would love to read the novel, however I would also love to stick closely to the original as much as possible. Deviation sometimes I feel would lose some of the essence of the story.

I watched 'Toki o kakeru shoujo' on Sunday. For short, it's known as 'TokiKake', and in English it's 'The Girl Who Leapt Through Time'.
I've come across this movie quite some time ago, a friend showed me this website of someone who blogged about this movie.

After watching this movie, this is what I have to say:

I never really like science fiction because they seldom have good stories or even good endings. It always left me feeling empty after watching them. But 'TokiKake' was quite alright, at least it still has some meaning to the whole story, and there's even a story line.
So that's where the "slice of life" comes in. This movie kinda sets me thinking as I'm one who always think too much. Like I would think what's gonna happen in the future or maybe being bothered too much by what happened in the past. Eventually I missed out the fun that I should have focused NOW. Present is what that matters the most.
'Romance'... It's very important to me these days. There's only a little bit of romance in the movie, but it's more about cherishing someone in the present; cherish every single moment you have together kind of meaning. There's also friendships and relationships with other people, those moments (makoto and friends) are totally enjoyable to watch.

Well, the ending... Reminds me of 'Spirited Away', except one is from the past and the other is from the future.

This somehow makes me wonder too. Makoto got sorethroat for singing karaoke for about 10 hours because she kept travelling back in time and do it over and over again. That means her whole person actually was being transported back in time.
Chiaki was from the future, and he said he'll be waiting for her in the future (or something like that), then does that mean... Chiaki is actually much younger than Makoto?

Chiaki's time seemed far away, like distant future. Time travel is like a big technology, I doubt it could be discovered or a dream to be realised in the near future.

Though I prefer a more definite ending, this incident actually motivated Makoto, give her more drive in life. The wonderful thing is that none of the others got their memories related to Chiaki being erased away.