I have a friend and co-worker who passed away Thursday. She was in an accident two days before Christmas and she was two months pregnant. She had her baby boy two
weeks before she died. I have so many emotions over this. I truly believed she would eventually go home and be with her son. All the doctor's believed that. Now her son will never hear her voice.
Never hear his mom say "I love you". I feel for her fiance' who was so devoted and so loving. I feel for her father who stayed vigiliant with his daughter. Leaving only to bury his mother who died
less than a month before his daughter. I worry for this young life. I miss her...oh how I miss her.
One of the managers came down from the hotel with his son. A cute little four year old with dinosaur pajamas on...so cute..lol Anyway, we talked about the fact that
his family came in to visit him. They are still in transition with his new job. He talked about his wife and what they had like it was.....love. Is that possible? Can that be real? The look in his
eyes as he spoke about him going home for his anniversary soon. God...how I want that. That all encompassing adoration. Does anyone else feel like they will die without love? I watched him...I
watched as he talked about this woman who he misses when they arent together...as he ran his fingers through his sons curly blonde locks. He got his coffee and left me standing there while he
walked away with all the feelings for her that I wished, hoped, prayed that someone would have for me. Why is that not out there for everyone. Beautiful, ugly, fat, skinny, black,
white....everyone. I got teary eyed as he walked away. His son's hand holding on to his dad's shorts. I felt empty. I wanted so bad for someone to love me like that. Talk about me like that. I want
to shine from someone's eyes too. Life is too hard...I know some people would just say...Die and get it over with. If you are that miserable.
I wanted to post something since it has been a little while. I wish I could say everything is all better. I just thought that I would pull away for a minute. I shut myself down. No more cutting.
Not since the leg incident. I have been contemplating a job change. I work in a Starbucks but it is inside a casino...run by the casino. We dont get the perks that the free standing Starbucks
receive. I am lead and trainer. Having said that...I havent trained a soul since we opened. I want to, I should have but they just dont give me the opportunity to do what they title says I should
be doing. So, a new Starbucks is opening not to far from me. I wanted to look into it. My boss found out I was checking it out and wasnt happy with me at all. She asked me if I would be interested
in a Supervisor position with the Food and Beverage Department. I have thought about this and I dont think it is the best thing for me. The hours and having to be the boss over people that I work
with or have worked with in F&B. My boss also mentioned VIP host. I thought that would be more comfortable for me. However, when I tried to check into that postion. Find out what it actually
entails....I cant get any answers. I asked the boss for that job if I could "shadow" a VIP host on my day off. She never got back to me on it. Also I am thinking about taking classes to become a
table game dealer. I am not sure what I should do. As far as husband and all that is left of our marriage..I have yet to turn in the application. I just dont want to put my sister in a position to
hire him and he doesnt show up or quits. I do have it ready and I think I will give it to her tomorrow. I feel so numb. I cant seem to make up my mind with anything. Anyway, this entry is waaaay
too long. I will write again soon.
Happy Mother's Day to all.