Dread and the Fugitive Mind

 
    
10
Nov 2010
8:06 PM EDT
   

What Ive Realized So Far In My Life...

My life changes fast. I hate it, I hate change. It makes me look back�on how things used to be and makes me realize how much older im getting and how fast times are going by. Its a giant mystery as to what happens after its all over. Is there really a heaven and hell? Is there just nothing? Maybe my whole life just gets rewound like a movie and is constantly being replayed. Is it possible that i could be dying right now but at the same time be being born? I dont know what to believe. It just makes life harder and more confusing than it already is to begin with.

My name is Steve, and I am an asshole. I don't like talking to people i don't know. People have always just come off as strange and/or stupid to me. I dont like thinking im above these people, or below them, but i hate to think of putting myself on the same level as everyone around me. Aside from my girlfriend, i seem to be the only one that's capable of taking a step back from everything once in a while and looking at how thigns really are. I dont like living in a fairy tale world. I am addicted to reality, so im sorry.

Love is a feeling people seem to not know a lot about. Love is a�terrible and horriffic thing. Your whole world becomes a world that revolves around the one you love. Your life is filled with the obligation to care for this person and please them before you please yourself. Make them feel happy no matter what the cost. You do these things for this person not becasue you HAVE to do it, but becasue you WANT to. With love comes hardships. Fighting. Arguing. Paranoia. Get used to these things when you decide to love someone. (although to be fair, you can't "decide" to love someone, it just happens) Yes, with love you wil feel happiness beyond any boundaries you previously thought possible, but it's not always going to be strawberries and orgasms. With love comes a lot of bad feelings and a huge load on your mind. But its a feeling i wouldn't give up for the world. Nothing can ever beat the feeling of being loved/cared for by someone, or the feeling of loving/caring for someone yourself. This person that you love, he or she will become your world. Love is nothing short of obssession, this person will be on your mind 24 hours a day. Love is a terrible horrific thing, but when you put those two words together you get terriffic.... just sayin'. Love is, the best feeling you can possibly have. Only the luckiest people in the world will ever feel what true love is. And it is one damn hard thing to describe.

Depression. It is NOT fun in the least bit. NOTHING is fun when you're depressed. Your life is your hell. Ending it would be nice, but then you'd just be another statistic. You'd be labeled as crazy. And if you fail at doing yourself in, then it just makes the rest of your life even harder. To be honest, ive never wanted to truly kill myself, ive always known that there's always someone out there who's got it harder than me, and ive always known that hard times come and go. Love can lead you to depression (it didnt for me, but it easily can happen) That's another reason why love sucks. If that special person were to walk out of your life and you still loved them, I'd imagine it's like a slingshot that shoots you ten times further into hell than you were to begin with. No point in trying to be happy, you'll just get shot down in the end anyway. Happiness is a pipe dream and dream don't come true. Nothing lasts forever, and nothing ever will. Life sucks, but somehow it still goes on..... (i've come close to losing my special lady so i've got a pretty good idea of how this feels and that's how my mind would think.)

Life is a hard and confusing place.....

1 comment(s) - 08:00 PM - 11/19/2010
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MyNameIsSteve's Profile

  • Username: MyNameIsSteve
  • Gender / Age: Male, 26
  • Location: USA - Illinois
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    MYNAMEISSTEVE's Interests:

    About Me: My name is Steve. I am an over zealous music fanatic (especially when it comes to megadeth). I believe in being myself to the fullest extent and will not ever pretend to be something that I'm not.

    Interests: I like writing, playing guitar/bass, listening to and researching my favorite bands, and drawing

    Favorite Music: Metallica, Anthrax, Megadeth, Slayer, Death, Kreator, Obituary, Ministry, Nirvana, Iron Maiden, Ozzy Osbourne, Public Enemy, NWA, Bone Thugs N Harmony, La Coka Nostra, Ill Bill, Aerosmith, Thin Lizzy, Pink Floyd, System Of A Down, Cannibal Corpse, Twisted Sister, Black Sabbath, Overkill, Pestilence, Death, Six Feet Under, Razor, Pantera, Exodus

    Favorite Movies: The Warriors, American History X, The Lion King, Fight Club

    Favorite Television: South Park, Futurama, That Metal Show, Tosh.0

    Favorite Books: Mustaine: A Heavy Metal Memoir, Slaughterhouse five, Heavier Then Heaven