nodeadends's Journal

Aug 2007
10:26 AM EDT

Someone please tell me why I am I such a hateful little bitch.

I don't have a particular reason for diskliking the people I work with but I don't like them @ this moment. Their chumminess grates on my nerves. Yuck. I feel like an outsider, always have felt this way. I don't belong is how I feel. I am rethinking doing administrative

work all together. Being behind the desk all day can become

monotonous. Working with the mentally retarded appeals to me at this moment or maybe starting my own company. The problem with starting my own business is transportation,not having transportation is a big factor. Must find reliable transportation, that is after I sort out all the other bullshit in my life. Bankruptcy is something I have been trying to avoid but cant. Bill Collecter's call so much my toddler tells them my mom said she cant come to the phone. That's really bad. On top of that in a short while the student loan people are going to be hounding me down like a feign. I cant afford to have my student loan go into default again. Most of the information for filing chapter seven can be accessed online, the paper work can be done without an attorney. The internet is a wonderful resource of information.

Tried to contact the pastor several times, must've lost his number or he turned his cell phone off. Either way it works , going back to counseling even going to take the anti depressants. Hope doing so will not impove my life but productivity as well. Some dayswaking up hurts literally. Those commercials about how depression hurts mimics reality. Getting out of bed is a chore, or going to the bathroom.

Feeling kind of lonely, wish I had friends but dont. Cant relate to people or vice or versa. Must resign to the idea it is what is.

Cant sugar coat my present state. Life has gone to shit, acidic like lemons. Wish they weres some place for people like me to go other than hell.

Tags: It is what it is.