TheAllSeeingWolf's Journal

Jul 2015
5:40 PM CET

Oh my...

Okey, so this is my sanctuary, where I can write all of my feelings and stuff, right? There are things that I just can't leave inside. They are like small burning sand grains in my throat, making me choke, so thankfully, my fingers can do the talking for me. I have this problem with my feelings. Yeah, hormones and that kind of crap, but honestly, I’m fed up. Ever since my mom died I just feel lost. It “feels” like that is the worst thing that happened to me, what, like, five years ago. I guess, in a few days or so, it will be six.
��������������� I just need something to blame for my unsocial behavior, I JUST NEED TO. That’s the only hook I have. The one I use too keep me on top, still breathing.
��������������� So, why I’m so depressed al of a sudden, you may ask? Well, there is nothing I hate more, than a lost opportunity. I mean, those things really get under my skin. And that is something I am experiencing in my life periodically. And it’s all thanks to my social awkwardness. Je, thanks. There is this thing I keep on doing, and I still haven’t found a way of stopping myself. I think that I am LITERALLY (not over compensating the word) the only one that has this click in their head, when someone gets too close. I… I just break down. My brain does this memory swipe, when all of my feelings for this dude are gone, leaving resentment behind, so that I could just hide away, from my problems, and all of the feelings. As you might imagine, the other half of the relationship, the not me one, just keeps developing the feelings, which I just threw away unintentionally. While he keeps on loving, I just stop every means of conversation, even being rude, just to avoid everything possible.
��������������� This is the second time this has ever happened to me, and I’m scared. I’m scared, because after half a year, when I drove this person away, and he moved on, I feel so bad, maybe even love. I filed this as relationship issues, but I don’t know what it is. I’m terrified, hopping I won’t push the ones I really care about away. All that I have left is hope, and it just isn’t enough. This is why I am forever alone (maybe not forever).
Frogs and love, Wolfey.
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Jul 2015
2:39 PM CET

You are here.

��������������� There is one thing that I’m certain all of us agree on, which is that life is a son of a b****. BAD WOLF. Khm… I meant to say hard. Very hard. There is this point where you just look around, evaluating all that you have done, with everyone in it. Life is, as I see it, self centered, we all have only one perspective we know about, and can rely on. What I’m trying to say is, that I could never truly put myself into someone else’s shoes. I thought about it, a lot, but I don’t think I accepted it. There is a freaking website where they track the population. …. Those numbers resemble real lives, that are here, occupying the same earth you and me stand on. Death’s and life’s tango. There are so many people, with all kinds of thoughts, memories, actions…. It feels so unreal. Well, all in all… this was just on top of my head suddenly, and now I feel isolated.
�Frogs and love. Wolfey

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Jul 2015
10:26 AM CET

Bottle everything away

Ignoring my outburst of yesterday and everything that made me feel, in haste I tried finding something to help me forget. Some kind of carpet I can shove all this jumbly thing under. The easiest way of accomplishing this, was to open up a book. To get swept of my feet by some page turning action. That is exactly what I did. I wouldn’t call myself a bookworm, but I tend to read more than most people. This book I picked up, thankfully, had nothing to do with my trubles. It’s one of Stephen King’s books, Doctor Sleep. I have just found it at a bookstore a few months ago, and have been reading it since. I love every bit of it, and am trying to make it last as long as possible, but everything has its end, as it should. But I hope it’s a good one.
��������������� It’s time for me to lay that book on the side and run out into all of the concerts that await me. Exit starts today, and it will be awesome. Fingers crossed I can stay up all night without collapsing. :D Frogs and love, Wolfey.

Tags: reading
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TheAllSeeingWolf's Profile

  • Username: TheAllSeeingWolf
  • Gender / Age: Female, 24
  • Location: Sweden