Ranilyn's Journal

Mar 2012
2:12 AM MDT

Here, once again.

Look who's back again.

Guess who's once again feeling stressed...and down...and misunderstood...and wanting to cry...and sick of everything...and worried...and upset...and wishing that it will all go away...would it be entirely terrible of me to just not go to school? Sometimes I wished I had the guts to fake sick like so many of my friends do. But I'm too 'good'. aren't I? I know I wouldn't be able to deal with disappointing my group members, or deal with the guilty conscience of lying to everyone.

But sometimes, in instances like this, I just want to say� "Screw it all, I don't care!". Ohhhh yeah, that would go so well.

I really thought I'd be over this. This semester was supposed to change everything, �this year was supposed to be different. Then I reread one of my previous teenage angst-y entries, and I find myself in the same mood as the time when I wrote that. In fact, I had more to add on to the�sorry list of miseries.

Look at me waste time on a school night, the day before the last day of spring break where EVERYTHING is due. Seriously teachers, are you just trying to torment us on purpose? All this "I don't want you to have to do work over spring break, it's for relaxation!" crap just means you choke all of us the week before -with an exception to Ms. Coleman because she was genuine in her wish to help us but at the same time allowing us to choose.

Italian Unification project, L.A reflection for the Chronicle of a Death Foretold, Extended Essay proposal due AND we need to talk to our EE teacher, freaking Chemistry Test tomorrow that's apparently weighted more than our final (what the heck?!) - which also apparently contains a decent amount of defnitions when our teacher had said not to worry about them, and Oma and Opa's anniversary thingy tomorrow after school which may require me to socialise while I'm cranky. Oh yeah...there's also IB math morning class.

Actually all this probably stemmed from chemistry, and I don't want to talk about it. I've never been terrified of school before.

Sometimes my family doesn't get it - especially my sister. Well actually, I think only my mother is making an effort to understand...I truly appreciate the amount of love and flexibility she's poured on me despite not actually understanding the situation. Dad's just stubborn and compares me to himself. My sister? It feels like she doesn't even bother.

Must I physically place a frown on my face, talk in a flat and upset tone, ignore her, stare anti social-y while my body language is stiff and screams stop bother me - all of which irritates and hurt her - in order for her to understand that I am� freaking serious, that i actually have to get the stuff done, and I'm not just finding an excuse to ignore her and be petty. argh.

I really should get to work...even if I'm already resigned on staying up late.

Ugh. This really sucks.

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  • Username: Ranilyn
  • Gender / Age: Female, 28
  • Location: Canada
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