Ranilyn's Journal

Jun 2011
2:10 AM MST

It never occured to me...I never noticed...

As I've mentioned in my previous entry, I am extremely, extremely tired right now - I'm almost sleep typing or whatever it is, but i wanted to type this out - even if its briefly.

So the main reason that I am currently sleep deprived is because I spent most of last night talking to Janette on the phone - quite a bit about Kenny of all things.

Seriously, it was quite an astounding epiphany. If you had just suggested a week ago, that I would actually start to consider him perhaps not quite just a friend, I would've laughed it off and denied anything of the sort. We were just friends. That's exactly what I said to Tracey at the reunion, but by fourth time......it got me thinking...just a little. Then with the phone call with Janette...I started to notice that he was actually a really nice guy! And friendly, and attentive, and fun to hang out with. And I started to notice little gestures.

I was also extremely surprised to see how oblivious I was. I know that when I like somebody, then I really gave it my all and liked someone, but I didn't realize how much of my memories revolved around them until Janette brought it up. Gaahhh!

And somehow...I totally forgot...that Kenny might've liked me back in Grade 6. It was almost like NEWS to me. Like the memory of me and Janette patrolling and the whole Justin yelling "Kenny likes Joyce" thing. I actually remember that happening, but I completely forgot it was Kenny, but I'm pretty sure it was...

Anyway, there's a whole lot more whirling around my head but I really REALLY need to sleep. Janette's got me thinking with a fresh new view of things. On one hand, I'm worried to think about this too much - I don't want to be making things out of nothing and being disappointed. On the other hand, this could be (LOL to quote Janette...) the start of something new, and something...nice?

But the two big questions that keeps coming back...It's really got me wondering....Does he still like me? Or is it like with Jonathan, and my chance has passed, and maybe I've changed too much. Argh, now I really want to know!

And the last one...Do I like him? Should I like him? I really don't know to that one, and I can feel myself being really hesistant. I think I'm just a little scared at letting myself like someone again...and I'm a little worried that it'll be like last time where I make a person out to be more than he is.

Well, it's like one in the morning and my room feels warm and stuffy. I'm gonna to open a window and head to bed. Oh, but I'm just gonna take a quick look at msn...is he taking summer school? I'll go on for just 5 minutes...

So much for a short entry.

Tags: crush, Kenny, unexpected

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Username: Ranilyn

Gender / Age: Female, 31

Location: Canada

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