writer1chick's Journal

Mar 2007
11:26 PM EDT

Saturday I felt a feeling that I had never felt before. I just was so in tuned with my feelings and soul as I felt. When I was holding my cousins hand I felt so much Love that I got a orgasm in my mind it was a great feeling. I never felt that feeling before. I was just looking at everything, and everything was so beautiful. I felt everything in the greatest way. I was alone in the living room when everyone left. I was listing too music and I was making love I have never mad love in this way before. I felt the beats of the music and It was tearing me apart cause I didn't know what side too stay in. There were three sides. 1. To be myself and confront the world of whom I really am. 2. To be what people want me too be and just be a shadow. 3. To clean up and fix myself and brush everything away. Just live what I normally live in the shadows of whom I really am. Then there was a time that I went so Crazy that I didn't know what side too choose and that's when I was shaking too choose my true self and that's when I had the best orgasms I had ever felt in my life. It felt When I was going too choose the side that always do too be a shadow I was having an affair with my true feelings and it tore me apart. I went crazy and That's when I F***ED my self for the first time and I felt so dirty. It's not a great feeling when Your***ING yourself. I was having an affair with my life and I was F****** my true feelings. Had you ever felt that before? To tell you the damn truth I didn't know what the Hell I felt before that day and Now I do know. I was and I am a show. I am a show for what people want too see and I don't know how too leave, that shadow life I want too be the figure that makes the shadow. There was a time on my little experience that I was caressing my self and just feeling my self the way that I always wanted too be felt. That's when I was making love with my self I was showing the world who I can really be. I loved that about myself. But I still had the half smile that I always had. It's something I always had since forever it tells something about me That I just realized. I'm a two faced person but come on everybody is in the own way. I'm two faced cause I don't want anyone too dislike me. That's why I hide in the shadows. That's why I F*** my feeling and have affairs with my true self cause I love too be loved and no one wants too love me in the way that I want too be loved. So that's why I have too hide and be a F***ING shadow. I went too the left and laughed at the people that I act like but then I cry at the people that I truly am. Then I just clean everything up. Why the hell am I like this. I can't choose what I want. I want myself too be happy and I don't know what side am I'm truly happy with. The truth was I'm so tired of being alone. I feel so alone and It's killing me inside that's why I am like this cause in all three side I have someone. But the all don't like the opposite side. LOL. I don't think most of you people understand but sooner or later you will. I didn't think I would of realized it until I was old and gray. But in a way it's great feeling too feel this and finally feel what you truly feel deep inside. Well There's a little Experiences I had and It was one of a kind BY JANINE C, BERD.....
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writer1chick's Profile

  • Username: writer1chick
  • Gender / Age: Female, 31
  • Location: USA - New York
    WRITER1CHICK's Interests:

    About Me: Hmmm Well I'm in cia Culianry inst of america I like too read Mytholgy and write long and short stories. Like ever women or girl. I like too shop and have a great time with friends. I like too hike and just walk in the park. Also just hang alone and have a great time alone.

    Interests: I like too read, write,cook shop hang with freinds and just have a great time. Thats good fun.

    Favorite Music: Alternative music. Rock punk and indie anything but rap.

    Favorite Movies: Laybrinth, Blue Lagoon, The Boondock Saints,EXT,EXT

    Favorite Television: Full House. Will and Grace Lifetime movie network Lifetime for women King of Queens EXT EXT

    Favorite Books: Lurane Mcdanile Greek and Roman Mytholgy folk tails and legdends romance drama