The given quote, teach not men to build a ship but teach them to yearn for the sea.� While I live on the Oceans shore I too know of the Seas great pull and open promise of adventure, I realize that vastness of this quote is better applied to the idea of liftting the human spirit.� It is when the human spirit is driven to achieve, given a burning desire, it is then that we can not and will not be stopped from our true potential.
Monday, 8/25
While its not my first day back to work after a nice long weekend, it is still a monday.� The same feeling of being behind in work, not ready for the week ahead, tired from the weekend.� So in essence my week has two mondays, great!!� I guess it feels this way because its the kids weekend, Anges weekend and I still do all the weekend stuff, only after having gotten up early and worked all day, so� I am even more tired when Monday does roll around.
Yesterday, when I got home from work, very sore from the beach all I wanted to do was sit down, putt my feet up and have acold glass of tea.� I even called Ange ahead of time to let her know.� Instead, when I got home it was chaos.� She hadnt been dressed more then ten minutes.� We are talking about 330 pm.� Okay, but she didnt even have any tea made, she drank it all.� She had planned dinner, but hadnt gone to the store to get anything.� She wanted me to get stuff done, like moving furniture, going to the store, playing games with the kids.� All in all, not the R&R I had been needing.� She does this all the damn time.� If I pulled this crap she would be screaming up a storm at me when she got home.
You would think that taking the kids to the beach is a good idea.� And you would be right.� However, feeding the kids while at the beach is another beast entirely.� My penny pinching wife, who didnt want to just get everyone a pizza or two to share on the boardwalk for all of $20, ended up spending $100 for food.� Albeit it was good food, my kids had never had good Greek food.� But still, Damn!!� If I had asked for a few extra bucks to buy ............Hell anything really the answer is NO.� I so need to set up a secondary account so I have a few buck stashed away for things that I want.� Even if it is to buy things for the kids for Xmas.�
Well, at the beach, VA beach BTW, the waves were huge.� Maybe not California huge or Hawaii huge, but huge for VA, thanks to the tropical storm off the coast.� The kids and I had a blast.� Of course I am hurting like a bear in a trap.� But somethings are worth pain.� Life is full of pain, my life especially.� So if I am going to hurt, I might as well try to have some fun.
The "Boys", my youngest nephews, were going to come with us.� We had made this trip especially so they could come with us.� Well, wen it was time to pick them up, we found out that there other uncle, the pot smoking unemployeed asshole uncle, grounded them.� Why are they grounded you ask?� Because they didnt turn off the TV when they went to bed.� What the fuck, you have got to be kidding me.� They are 7 and 5, thats what kids do, they fall asleep watching TV.� Then being a responsible adult you come along, tuck them in bed, turn off the tv and shut off the lights.� you dont ground them from going over to there favorite Uncles house when I am taking them to the beach and sacrificing my health, time, energy and money.� It was selfish of him to do that I think.� Any other opinions?
To be able to spend life my own way..........I cant imagine how quickly I would...well I have a few minutes, eased my previous smart ass remark and thought about a response.� It seems as if it is a worthwhile endevour.� Something to reach for.� But life my way sounds so contrary to my nature.� I am a pleaser.� I try to please all the kids, the wife the parents everyone.� This doesnt mean I dont please me.� I would say I am who I primarily work for.� Anything I do is usually about me.� Me the father, me the Son, me the Holy........wait wrong line.
I just wrote out a great entry, described in great detail what amounted to not much.���Then the Gadget from�Gmail shorted out, so in recap.�
Thursday:� Aside from the mundane house work and childrearing I played Civilization for the Xbox 360.� I took the kids and my nephew to the midnight release of Death Race.� Did it warrent going at midnight?� No, but the kids always think it is cool to see a movie at the midnight realease and its easier to get a parking spot.� Ange was at a girlfriends after work do Girl Scout stuff, so no fighting.
Friday:� More dulgery, Civilization and running Kids to the pool.� They stayed at the pool for 12-10,�� Nice!!� After Ange came home, we made dinner together.� It was a very nice to do that together.� Then while the rice was simmering, we heading to the bedroom.� Also nice, a bit too onesided, but I will take it when I can get it.�
Well that was it for my weekend, Now I am back at work, and I am bored shitless.
I still feel the need to vent a little, I guess what bothers me the more I think about it, is the lack of communication and intamacy. When Ange and I are insinc there is nothing greater. I would move the heavens and the earth for her. Though she would probably prefer something a bit more practical. But over the years, she has developed an aversion to all things intamate. I dont just mean intercourse, I mean, she wont hold my hand, give me kiss, a rub on the back. SHe says she has a "medical" condition and that the doctors want to do a DNC (?). She has been prescribed medication to help with her moods. The trueth is, she hasnt been to a doctor in several years, so she isnt treating this issue. She doesnt take any medication, but is quick to remind me to take my meds, I have a busted back and take several meds to survive in this life. Why the dicotomy? The Hypocracy? I have to believe that she just doesnt care enough about herself to fix her medical problems nor does she care about the impact this has on our relationship. It is easier for her to tell me how to change my behavior and demand I adjust to a marriage of celebacy.
Anyone know how to turn on a spell checker for this journal?
I am hoping that this element proves to be the thing that I need to carry me through this time in my life. I have kept a written journal before, when I joined the Army, it helped to get me through the tuff time of seperating from my wife and kids while I served. Now, times are truly tuff again and I could use the anonimity of that this medium provides.� The therapy that I have found with Journaling I am hoping is even better by using this service.
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