uns3ttl3d's Journal

 
    
27
Dec 2006
2:12 AM EDT
   

life is just one big fucking guilt trip and its forced and its inevitable and my mind wont stop thinking about the most trivial things and blowing them out of proportion. hi, this is me. i am self loathing. i hate myself and the world i live in. i live in a fucked up society that discourages people from being original. everything is fucked up and i take it upon myself to think that i can actually do something to help that when i really can't. and i feel guilty. i feel anxious. i feel unhappy. isn't living supposed to be about being happy and feeling good? i mean sure theres obstacles but i havent felt happy for years. this new year marks the point in my life where ive never felt more cynical. i could end my life right now without remorse or thought or tears or any sense of emotion because life really does suck and it never gets better for me because my mind is fucked and i cant get myself to enjoy anything ever. its me against the world and im going to lose. i mean i wont do it because my brother took his own life last august and i wouldnt want to put my family through that pain again. but seriously life is so fucked up. i want to be perfect but my mind isnt wired that way. no one's mind is wired that way. i want to enjoy life but the only thing that i really enjoy is sleeping when im able to which isnt too often and eating but that in turn makes me fatter and unhappier so im fucked either way. so all that really leavesis drugs and alcohol. either or im going to die anyway. might as well embrace it. dont get phased by anything. and dont worry because you're screwed either way. i wish i could feel. i wish i had emotions. i wish i had a sexuality. i wish i had at least a slight sense of self. i wish i was secure but in this world i question everything and trust nothing. its hard. its very hard.
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uns3ttl3d's Profile

  • Username: uns3ttl3d
  • Gender / Age: Female, 37
  • Location: USA - New York
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    UNS3TTL3D's Interests:

    About Me: scatter-brained, spacey, lost, pig. i try my best to postpone the inevitable and time has ultimately expired.

    Interests: anything and everything

    Favorite Music: cat power, rage against the machine, radiohead, porcupine tree, sonic youth, modest mouse, the pixies, the cinematics

    Favorite Movies: lost in translation, edward scissorhands, requieem for a dream, pans labyrinth, the pursuit of happiness, thelma and louis, benny and joon, whats eating gilbert grape, lorenzos oil, pi, eternal sunshine, stigmata, what dreams may come, gia, juno, little miss sunshine.

    Favorite Television: heroes

    Favorite Books: i spy and wheres waldo, because i dont really read.

    UNS3TTL3D's Friends:
    bkschicha
    felix31794