uns3ttl3d's Journal

 
    
15
Jan 2007
9:16 AM EDT
   

well isnt this sad? the only person i can confide in is a computer. only the computer isntreally a real thing and mythoughts are simply just being read by only me. i am back at college and i am just in a foul mood and i dont want to be here. ive said this so many times before that i dont like it here but what would i rather be doing? i dont ever seem to be able to enjoy the company of others for an extended amount oftime. i just want to go home, wherever that might me. my brother is gone. my sister is married. i dont know my relatives. that just leaves my parents. but im 19. i dont want to have to be one of those sore losers who lives with their parents til theyre 40 years old. but i just cant grow up. and im tired. and im depressed. and it looks like at this point in my life i am never going to truly experience any sort of happiness whatsoever. i am simply justunhappy. nothing makes me truly happy. i feel like myspirits have been beat up and my soul has been tossed carelessly into a blender. i dont know what i am doing here.i dont know what i am doing with my lifeand i dont know where im headed becauseim never okay with myself. and it needs to stop but it wont and i am doomed and this sucks and i feel stuck and trapped and no one can let me out. i cant just decide to have a new outlook on life. no. it doesnt work out that way. icant just switch off and on the way i feel. i feel like crying but i cant because im like a brick wall of empty feelings that dont exist and i know that sounds terribly emo but i guess that just means that im emo and deal. every day is like a fucking war and im getting weaker and weaker. what to do to pass the time? i have no energy left in me. i have no will left in me. i want to be happy but cant. i want to feel alive but thats a foreign concept. this is hard. this really sucks. why cant i enjoy anything anymore? i feel like im alone in my thoughts and in my mind. as far as a heart goes i think its lost or forgotten somewhere andi cant find it. i feel like flipping ape shit. i have noconfidence in myself with what im doing with my life and it is pretty fucking sad. im always worrying. now i am always fearing. because everything seems bad and inevitable. i cant fight it. i cant help myself. i cant help others. i dont know what im doing but i feel like such a loner all the time and it sucks. i just want to crawl into a corner and hide forever.
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3 comment(s) - 03:12 PM - 01/15/2007
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uns3ttl3d's Profile

  • Username: uns3ttl3d
  • Gender / Age: Female, 37
  • Location: USA - New York
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    UNS3TTL3D's Interests:

    About Me: scatter-brained, spacey, lost, pig. i try my best to postpone the inevitable and time has ultimately expired.

    Interests: anything and everything

    Favorite Music: cat power, rage against the machine, radiohead, porcupine tree, sonic youth, modest mouse, the pixies, the cinematics

    Favorite Movies: lost in translation, edward scissorhands, requieem for a dream, pans labyrinth, the pursuit of happiness, thelma and louis, benny and joon, whats eating gilbert grape, lorenzos oil, pi, eternal sunshine, stigmata, what dreams may come, gia, juno, little miss sunshine.

    Favorite Television: heroes

    Favorite Books: i spy and wheres waldo, because i dont really read.

    UNS3TTL3D's Friends:
    bkschicha
    felix31794