Tonight I've finally come to the last month of my calendar. What a year it has been. This has been a year of healing. This has been the year where I shout out loud and tell myself that "it" has to stop. "It" refers to the deep hole I dug in myself, the depression tt had become so habitual, the self-pitying syndrome that drills myself to darkness and the constant, foolish longing for a man who will never love me. "It" is leaving me further and further from my life, especially since I decided to leave that place early this year.
It has been 3/4 of the year tt I have not step into that place already. Ever since leaving that place, I found better studios to learn. I met nicer people, genuine, almost impossibly nice people. It's how true people always say "move on, there are better�things out there". Indeed I found so much more love and freedom the moment I have the courage to stop going that place. Now with yoga and art class in my life, there isn't much time to think of him anymore.
However, occasionally when I do somethings, I still think of him. But it's different now. The difference is that I now feel the relief of knowing I'm in the guidance of better hands.I know I'm taken care of by other groups of pple who really has that knowledge and know what they're doing, and most importantly,they treat me with respect and love. The agony in me, hey come to talk abt it now, I suddenly realise I'm not filled with tt pain and anguish anymore. It's true, time heals things. Maybe sometimes, u simply forget abt it becoz it's no longer ur priority anymore.
I feel good abt what I do now.The only problem is I really want to stop, like completely stop thinking abt him at all. It has been such a habitual thing to just conveniently have him pop up in my mind.The other day, the face of him pop� up in my head so vividly that it scares me.
I know God has something better for me. And I'm still waiting for the right one to come by.I pray to God everynight that 'he' will come. 'he' refers to this dream guy, and I think I have the right to dream the craziest type of man I want. Heck, put ur standard higher, and ask for a great man.I believe what I ask, will be given!!
And now that it has come to December, even though in Jan I promise myself that 2009 is going to be a great year, and that I will get a bf ,which of course I didn't.....but I know I will eventually receive him. In 2010, I really really hope tt I have a boyfriend. I WANT A BOYFRIEND! And I'm going to admit it, I'm desperate for one.
So let's all count down and have a toast, may our new year be filled with much joy and laughter. Stay happy.
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