smb's Journal

 
    
20
Jul 2007
2:28 PM MST
   

We went to the Passion Play last night! It was really neat. CN about fell asleep twice and didn't act too interested but I was impressed. I liked the scenes that looked so real,,, like a painting! IT was beautiful! Jesus gave his life for us and this play depicted that very well. It made me sad for Jesus and sad that I'm not a better person. I know I will never be good enough.
We were invited to CN's friends for a BBQ. I offered to bring beans... I made a huge pot and then they canceled and NO ONE bothered to let me know! OH well, now we have lots of beans to eat! We just stayed home and did NOT MUCH!
Back to CN--- This had been a tough week living with him in Spearfish! I do like him but I don't feel anything special (now that I "cut him off" because God has made it clear we are not pleasing HIM by having sex) with him! Sad but we don't have much true love without sex! I don't know what I will do but I need to talk to him because I feel like I need more feeling, more emotion and NOT just when we are having sex! I do realize he is an amazing man, who has accepted us and loves my boys and he is nearly perfect but I don't think I can be with a man that I don't feel "Totally in love with" I want it to feel like we were meant to be not just in a comfortable relationship I can't get out of! Also, I wish he could feel the same as I do about the God and sex thing! He just doesn't care and that makes me feel uncomfortable about his faith. I want a man who wants to please God, not go against His wishes, when he knows what is expected of him! YES we miss the mark, yes, we are NOT perfect but CN just doesn't seem to care about something that he just needs to demonstrate his will power that I know he has!
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smb's Profile

  • Username: smb
  • Gender / Age: Female, 49
  • Location: USA - Wyoming
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