martytx07's Journal

 
    
05
Jul 2011
5:57 AM EDT
   

Another 6 months later...

It never fails...I get the weekly e-mails and what not and I can't seem to take 10 minutes away to write in here. I actually think writing on here once in a while is pretty healthy. Like I said before....well I think I said it before, it's pretty cool to go back and see what you wrote and just see what was going on during that little time frame. Like to go back to some of my first posts where I was still in the closet and afraid of being who I am but now, I'm just proud to be who and I am and everyone I know is accepting of it. Well anyways, yesterday, my cousin (also gay) and her girlfriend came over. They freaking came knocking at the door at 3:30 in the morning and I was like WTF! It actually got me a little upset that they were knocking so much cause my brother was asleep and he had to be at work at 6 in the morning so thought it was a little rude and uncalled for. They could have called my aunts phone or something to let us know that they were here but whatever. Anyways, well aside from that, we had BBQ yesterday and had a couple a drinks...my head actually hurts a little :( but I'll be arlight. It's freaking almost 6AM and I don't know why I woke up. I'm debating on whether I should go back to sleep or get my butt ready to go to the gym. I'm trying to work out more. I freaking gained some weight...well it's sort of hard to say how much because my weight goes back and forth. The smallest I've been is 202 lbs since I've lost weight but I have climbed back up to 220 :( But good thing is I got back �on the scale yesterday and weighed 218 so I'm dropping again. Told you me weight jumps all around. But hey, a big drop down from the fat 315 I was in the beginning so I'm still happy about that big lost of course. Oh, well anyways, freaking last night I was texting a friend, more like a F buddy...I know, I know, so not cute to say I have an F buddy. Anyways, well I was texting him and started getting depressed like cause we chit chat all the time and stuff and we talked about hanging out but we never do. It's sort of like I want more from him but he can't cause he's on the downlow and it's just frustrating. So I started crying and stuff. Haven't had a good cry in a long time so it was a good thing I guess. It's healthy to cry once in a while right? But anyways, yeah, I feel as though I don't want to be just a fuck anymore. Like I want something better. I feel as though I have a great personality and a great heart but it's sort of getting to that point where I'm wondering when am I going to find someone who I can call my own. I'm sure the day will come sometime but it just hasn't happened and it sucks. I have no one to blame but myself because I keep talking to these guys who are on the downlow or not out and of course they're not going to choose me over letting their friends and family know so yeah. Well anyways, enough of all this...I think I'm gonna make my decision to lay down and go back to sleep and go work out later :) Back to sleep! Work at 1....
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martytx07's Profile

  • Username: martytx07
  • Gender / Age: Male, 36
  • Location: USA - Texas
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    MARTYTX07's Interests:

    About Me: Just a normal gay dude from Texas. Genuinely a nice guy who loves to smile :Dh

    Interests: Computers, music, reading, video games, & YOUTUBE!!!

    Favorite Music: Country - Carrie Underwood, Martina McBride, Faith Hill, Kenny Chesney, Toby Keith, Keith Urban, Blake Shelton, LeAnn Rimes, Dixie Chicks, Pop - KELLY CLARKSON!!! James Blunt, Simple Plan, Natasha Bedingfield, Britney Spears, Nelly, NB Ridaz, Frankie J, Usher, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, and A LOT more that I can't think of right now!!!

    Favorite Movies: Titanic, The Day After Tomorrow, The Notebook, Scream, Something About Mary, Butterfly Effect, 10 Things I Hate About You, Hairspray (Oringal with Ricky),

    Favorite Television: American Idol, Heroes, American Dad, Prison Break, The Hills, I Love NY, Ugly Betty, Simpsons, Family Guy, Nip/Tuck

    Favorite Books: Harry Potter, and other books that I had to read for school: Animal Farm, 1984, Their Eyes Were Watching God, and some other books.