louna's Journal

 
    
20
Nov 2012
1:43 AM BST
   

quentions unaswered

what is time ?
when did it start ?
humans were not with the dinasaurs,�
so did time then not exist,
i do not think time is how long it takes the earth to circle round the sun ,�
time is aging,
time is the world rotting,
time is us dying,
if nothing aged,
if nothing died,
if everything stayed the same,
time would not matter,
and if something does not matter,
does it really exist.
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11
Nov 2012
5:04 PM BST
   

shit

i feel like shit i feel pointless and useless i done have a clue what the meanong o lif eis�
i dont want to live its my 17th birthday in a day ive never had a boyfriend never been loved and never has sex�
im fat�
and i cant even stop eating food
im ugly
selfish and awful to my parents�
i wish id just get cancer and die
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1 comment(s) - 02:01 AM - 11/18/2015
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30
Oct 2012
8:37 PM BST
   

�
  • 200:�My crushs name is: shushh
  • 199:�I was born in:95
  • 198:�I am really: annoying
  • 197:�My cellphone company is: 3 ( i dont use my phone anymore
  • 196:�My eye color is: hazel
  • 195:�My shoe size is: 6�
  • 194:�My ring size is:small ?
  • 193:�My height is:5,2
  • 192:�I am allergic to: bubble bath and face masks
  • 191:�My 1st car was: um i wish i had a car !
  • 190:�My 1st job was: chairty shop worker
  • 189:�Last book you read: the catcher in the rye
  • 188:�My bed is: perfect
  • 187:�My pet: is called blue
  • 186:�My best friend: is amazing but im worried about her
  • 185:�My favorite shampoo is: herbale essecnces
  • 184:�Xbox or ps3: xboxx�
  • 183:�Piggy banks are: useless
  • 182:�In my pockets: i use my bra as a pocket
  • 181:�On my calendar: my birthday
  • 180:�Marriage is: full of shit and to expensive�
  • 179:�Spongebob can: love me down
  • 178:�My mom: is lovely
  • 177:�The last three songs I bought were? i dont buy songs its called youtube
  • 176:�Last YouTube video watched: girls in tears
  • 175:�How many cousins do you have? to many
  • 174:�Do you have any siblings? �no
  • 173:�Are your parents divorced? no
  • 172:�Are you taller than your mom? yes
  • 171:�Do you play an instrument?no�
  • 170:�What did you do yesterday? i cant remeber slept all day
  • [ I Believe In ]
  • 169:�Love at first sight: yes
  • 168:�Luck:no
  • 167:�Fate: yes
  • 166:�Yourself: no
  • 165:�Aliens: yes
  • 164:�Heaven:yes
  • 163:�Hell:yes
  • 162:�God: undiecided�
  • 161:�Horoscopes:no
  • 160:�Soul mates:yes
  • 159:�Ghosts: sort of�
  • 158:�Gay Marriage: ofcourse !�
  • 157:�War:no
  • 156:�Orbs:no
  • 155:�Magic:no
  • [ This or That ]
  • 154:�Hugs or Kisses:kisses
  • 153:�Drunk or High: drunk
  • 152:�Phone or Online:phone
  • 151:�Red heads or Black haired: red
  • 150:�Blondes or Brunettes: brunette
  • 149:�Hot or cold: cold
  • 148:�Summer or winter: winter
  • 147:�Autumn or Spring:spring
  • 146:�Chocolate or vanilla: vannilla
  • 145:�Night or Day: night
  • 144:�Oranges or Apples: oranged
  • 143:�Curly or Straight hair:curly
  • 142:�McDonalds or Burger King: maccyyss
  • 141:�White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milkk
  • 140:�Mac or PC: pc
  • 139:�Flip flops or high heals: fliflopss
  • 138:�Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:sweet and poor
  • 137:�Coke or Pepsi:coke
  • 136:�Hillary or Obama: OBAMA
  • 135:�Burried or cremated: buired
  • 134:�Singing or Dancing: dancing
  • 133:�Coach or Chanel: chanel
  • 132:�Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idk who they are
  • 131:�Small town or Big city: big city
  • 130:�Wal-Mart or Target: target
  • 129:�Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: um who
  • 128:�Manicure or Pedicure: mancure
  • 127:�East Coast or West Coast: west
  • 126:�Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday
  • 125:�Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate
  • 124:�Disney or Six Flags: neither
  • 123:�Yankees or Red Sox: red sox
  • [ Here's What I Think About ]
  • 122:�War: full of
  • 121:�George Bush:shit
  • 120:�Gay Marriage:fine and normal
  • 119:�The presidential election: bullshit
  • 118:�Abortion:perfectly acceptable
  • 117:�MySpace:wott
  • 116:�Reality TV:shit
  • 115:�Parents: helpfull and annoying
  • 114:�Back stabbers: twats
  • 113:�Ebay: yeahhhhh man
  • 112:�Facebook: no comment
  • 111:�Work: i wish i had a job
  • 110:�My Neighbors: old peole
  • 109:�Gas Prices:to epensive
  • 108:�Designer Clothes: fake all the way
  • 107:�College: fun
  • 106:�Sports:shit unless its agressive
  • 105:�My family: lovely
  • 104:�The future: idk
  • [ Last time I ]
  • 103:�Hugged someone: tyesterday
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20
Oct 2012
7:45 PM BST
   

�LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE

- Name:�lou ( laura)
- Eye Color:�hazel
- Hair Style/Color:dark brown with shaved back ( pink ) green and purple dip dye
- Height:�5’2 / 5ft'2
- Clothing style: grunge/nu goth/hippy/indie
- Best physical feature: eyebrows/boobs

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE
- Your fears: family dying , getting kidnapped , hurting people , falling in love , not loving someone back , falling out with my best friend , people hating /not liking me , the dark.
-�Your guilty pleasure:��blogging , porn ,�
- Ambitions for the future:�write a book , help people , be free and happy

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS
 - Your first thoughts waking up: i dont want to get up
- What you think about most: , my mistakes , the future , alex , jacob , dying , money , books ,�
- What you think about before bed:how ive fucked up
- You think your best quality is:�confidence and beig a good friend

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?
- Single or group dates:�single
- To be loved or respected: loved i suppose but id like to be respected�
-�Beauty or brains:�brains , but being a teenager its hard to lok past looks
- Dogs or cats:�cats

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
- Lie:�yes to much
- Believe in yourself: hardly
-�Believe in love:�yes ofcourse but never been in love
- Want someone: sort of never going to happen just nostalgia really

LAYER SIX: EVER?
 - Been on stage:�yes
- Done drugs: yes
- Changed who you were to fit in:�yes only a few times dont give afuck now

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES
- Favorite color: turqoise
- Favorite animal:�idek�
- Favorite movie:�fight club / perks / hp lotr / me withot you�
- Favorite game: �idk

LAYER EIGHT: AGE
- Day your next birthday will be:�tuesday
- How old will you be: 17
- Age you lost your virginity: stilla virgin�
 - Does age matter:�no above the age of 14/15

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL
- Best personality : someone whos funny cares , likes books , likes fashion , music etc etc�
- Best eye color:�green
 - Best hair color:�light brown / dirty blonde
-�Best thing to do with a partner: snuggle / kiss

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE
- I love�books
- I hide my isicurties
- I miss summer and all my friends there , i miss sitting on that hill and sitting cose to boys , i miss being a little kid , i miss being close to my parents�

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20
Oct 2012
12:19 PM BST
   

�im sorry , i know its just words, i was fading away too , so i suppose i should have just faded away with you ,but i didnt want to become just a name on stone.

i never meant to hurt anyone but i just got scared , i guess you accept the love you deserve as it says in perks.

its so weird seeing people you havnt seen in months ( people you only saw at school and then seeing them in an outside envirment was fab tho.

i really want to write a book so badly
)
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14
Oct 2012
1:14 PM BST
   

Everytime i get money i just soend it all its like i need to buy things to make me feel happy like if i have a certain item ill be happy.

But i get an idea in my head that if i haVE A CERTAIN item then ill be happy ill be cool.

idk what im doing really im praying il get a job soon , ive lost my bus pass , debit card and student id so not very good.

i had a dream last night that i wa moving house , also that i saved a lost cat and a abducted child
Tags: feelings, knowing
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1 comment(s) - 04:03 PM - 10/28/2012
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11
Oct 2012
12:01 AM BST
   

is love anything at all

I often used to think i wanted someone to love me , to pine for me , to want me - but i realised as eventually everyone does , life is not like a film or a fairytale .

I found someone who loved me and thought i loved them but really i didnt i just wanted it so badly i tried to forget what i really felt , i got wrapped up in my own emotions - emotions i forced upon myself ad finally when i realised i wanted to be my own not tied down it was to late.

A few guys have fucked me over and i like to think theyre annoying sad wankers because really that makes me feel better - but in reality theyre not they just did to most resonable thing a guy would do - go for the easy option , i like to think theyre sick twisted men who did what they did just to hurt me but its not true theyre perfectly lovely guys that just made a mistake but i seem to choose to think the worse of them because it makes me seem like the victim which in a way i was but just because someone dosnt love you dosnt automatically make them a twat right ?�

And then i realise i have fucked guys over to and you know what im not a bitch , i did not intend to fuck them over it just happned a colision of events that led to the mess that happened.
So i suppose now those boys will think im a leading on , fake , bitch just as i see those boys that did the same to me as twats.

I find myself comparing myself to my best freind far to much - and then comparing me and her and my life to films ?

For instance perk of being a wallflower�
charlie liked sam but wasnt conifden enough to go for her - the girl he really likes , loved.
so he went for the other loyd annoying girl of whose name i cannot remember ( which shows how much she mattered in all reality ) who went for it , was conifdent , showed she wanted charlie so as any guy would charlie went for it but then realised she was not who he wanted.
She felt as if he fucked her over right ?�
Wrong he didnt he as just confused.

And this is what happens in my life i am the annoying conifdent one who will go for it and be amazed that the guy went for me - when really all he wants is my best friend but is to shy - yes hes too shy - not what i would think an annoying pussy who was using me - no just shy and not ready to go for who he reallty liked.

Also the film me without you -�
two best friends one confident annoying selfish�
one who wants to be liked who is intelligent and amazing�
i am the annoying confident twat and its sad and i want to change but i cant i guess
Tags: oerks of being a wallflower
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louna's Profile

  • Username: louna
  • Gender / Age: Male, 49
  • Location: United Kingdom
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