jesssie's Journal

Dec 2007
4:40 PM EST

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference." - Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Niebuhr

thats powerful.. anyways.

my mom decided that maybe i should go to the doctors because i havent been myself lately. like actually, so depressed and i feel like killing everyone around me, im not going to obviously and i could never bringmyself to do that just in case someone thinks i literally want to. everyones just annoying the fucking shit out of me and ughhh my god, im soo tired of EVERYONE where i live, and even where i dont live.

i want to spend time with my family, not the one i see everyday but the distant one.

anyways yesterday i said i cant keep helping ben out and shit but ive changed my mind. i just i have to try, because ima good friend and i know i am, and hes one of my best friends and he made me a promise and i have to keep it and if it means he will stop the thing hes doing. i miss himso much, not like as a boyfriend but just as a friend and im so happy that we're talking but i KNOW theres drama involved, but i guess ill deal with it. i just dont want to lose my BEST BEST friend over it and if thats what it means

fuck i dont even know what to write but i dont want to be judged i seriously just want to bawl my fucking eyes out. im sooooo tireeeeed:(:(:(:( and bitchy and SAD and depressed and i dont want to be like this. and math is getting to me SO Much. and the person i thought i really liked turned out to be a boring peice of shit which, i guess helped out my decision making but NOOOT so much because the other guy.. as nice as hecan be, turned out to bekind of a bitch to me. and then the guy that has always been mean tome, well i know he does it just because he can and i can never win, and somehow i find it attractive and so i dont know anymore about any goddamn thing. i want to crawl into a fucking hole and sleep forever.

im exhausted and my mom thinks i need to take vitamins and drink more water because i have like iron deficincy or something and thats why i have bruises showing up in random places, and its why i cant concentrate on anything except for the way i feel which is sick and demotivated and miserable and depressed. and in my math test today the only thing i could think about was how dizzy i felt and tired i felt, and how freakin hot it was in the room oh, and how i am EVER going to pass this class and i started to think about the exam!! the exam omg, and i KNOW i will fail it. and im trying so freakin hard to do good and i try hard hard hard, and it results in me being discouraged and cryingand having little fits.

plus the teacher i thought id have no problems with because im so nice to him and i fucking help him out all the time, well now he has decided to be a compelte asswipe and he should go to hell

FUCK SCHOOL i am SOO stressed

GOD!!:@

i need a friend with me so i can just CRYYYY my eyes out

uggggggggh