jazzsoulp's Journal |
|
 View jazzsoulp's private journals |
|
Total public posts: 24 |
Show: Posts
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Thursday - Feb. 15, 2007
- 11:54 PM - EST
- #20
|
 |
|
| |
Always sentenced before committing the crime.
If i
needed a critic I would've written a book.
Choose to
insult me and show your character as always
and they
fall short of my criteria. I know my Heart,
you are
just not a healthy mix no matter how much you
try to
dilute me, debase me and manipulate me. Yet u
remain overly
defensive of my every word, my existense
equals your
paranoia, or maybe you're just a cynic, you
doubt my
motives because of your own insecurities,
doubts and
suspicions and then In so many words brand me
a
Hypocrite. After all the petty shots and soft
blows, ur
disoriented emotions regain sense and becomes
apologetic...Make up your mind, I am either
good or the
enemy, and finally, You should never be Sorry
for
chosing Love over life because I am not
regretful for
choosing Love over you
| |
|
| |
 Edit
 Delete | |
|
| |
  Add comment | |
| |
|
|
 | |  |
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Monday - Feb. 12, 2007
- 0:55 AM - EST
- #17
|
|
|
| |
Sunday...U just never know how your day will end. Life
is unpredictable. Ok, So i started out with a stomach
crisis at 3:00am after I called DB. SHe was drunk,
she's a happy drunk...lol. Lolly woke me up at 7:00am
and we spoke for about 2 hours. I was still
uncomfotable then,...fely like I was gonna throw up...I
think it's wat I ate at the Love feast thingy. Anyway,
I had my fone turned off and slept allday...What a Lazy
Sunday it was. I sent Yellow a text regarding some
funds which I need and he threw it right in my face
saying that was why I called him yesterday morning. I
guess it's my fault for even involving him in my early
morning madness and randomness...See, he analyzes
everything I do, it's like my life is a Novel and he's
my favorite critic. I do hate being judge especially by
those who claim to be our friends. I called him to ask
what the text was about and he rejected my calls twice
by simply replying Friday...Meaning he'll give me the
money on Friday...Wow...This boy is special. Reigned so
many insults to last me a life time. SO i tell him to
keep the money then and he goes if it the last thing he
accomplishes on earth, he would refund my money. That
he was naive to think things would go back to the way
they were....I have made my point in the past. I do not
trust you and I cannot be your friend like dat...I have
concluded that he doesn't listen. All my words most
which I said out of anger and frusterations have fallen
on deaf ears. He claims I never told him things will
not change that he had to learn the hardway...teh
hardway being what, him wasting money bcos he bought
tickets to shows that I never said i was going for with
him. I urged him not to try 2 bring the money bcos i
will rip it to shreds if he does, and that will be a
sin. He claims I dont care about his family, so I
should not act like I do and I dont call him or want to
hang out...Gosh...he sounds like a broken record in
damnation. I AM DONE O!!! Help me Lord,...I dont want
to even have to say hi to this chap, but that will be
immature right...But how can I be grown about it when
he's being so childish...Now chceck this...He ends his
insults and starts to butter my bread By saying " B4 I
throw everything away tho. I'l say this. I'm sorry I
said I would choose DB over our friendship. I take it
back a thousand times. Has nothing to do with the fact
it dint work out. I mean i liked her and still do.
Feelings is feelings but i swear i tak it all back. I'M
sorry. So Friday yea.". Gosh, i am telling you this boy
is a psycho and i need to hide from him...I rest my
case. Babe called me but my fone was off so I dint get
ti speak with him..I had 9 missed calls and 1 text
message...dats so weird. Me Ms Isolated from the world.
I missed my mums call as well...so i need to get a
calling card and hit her back. DB is back yayyyy...SHe
relayed the whole Boston trip to me and apparently I
missed a lot...damn, but o well, cos I dont even have
money to be spending. Na Nite Dairy.
| |
|
| |
Edit
Delete | |
|
| |
Add comment | |
| |
|
|
| | | |
|
| |
Monday - Feb. 12, 2007
- 0:21 AM - EST
- #16
|
|
|
| |
We have heard these same proposals from our so-called
committed pre-elects of the past and on getting into
office suffer from instant Amnesia. Over and over
again, four years at a time, Nigerians believe in our
Government but our Government disappoints. I remincse
on the days when Lagos was such a beautiful city. It
was safe for we true born and bred Lagosians to go and
celebrate in the heart of Lagos, Isa le Eko during
social events such as the "Eyo festival". I remember my
Dad taking us once and we had to take off our shoes or
be punished by the Men In Masks. If I tell my dad today
that I want to go to such an event, he will raise his
eyebrows and forbid me just because we know how unsafe
Lagos has become. Students abroad are re-thinking
moving back to the states just because of NON-SECURITY.
If my brothers who are graduates of the University of
Lagos have no job security why would I want to even
risk coming back home and being jobless. Well, Lagos is
my home and I will not shy away because of trials that
I know I will have to undergo, but how many other have
such strong-will towards thier native land. Is it realy
about reconstructing and smoothing out the cracks or is
it about money. As a matter of figures Our current
President has shown us that money is sooo Abachas
regime, but now it's more about POWER. Once the power
is yours what becomes of your previous judgements and
promises and ambibtions. Give me a reason other than
what I want to hear to vote for you. Every vote counts
so If you are willing to lay your dignity and pride and
integrity down on the line to make my hometown a safer,
healthier and secure place for my unborn children, then
you have my vote. And you deserve it.
| |
|
| |
Edit
Delete | |
|
| |
Add comment | |
| |
|
|
| | |
|
| |
Friday - Feb. 9, 2007
- 0:44 AM - EST
- #15
|
|
|
| |
Friday...DB was mad cos she said she told me
to take her
to the airport and I said yes but took a
sitting job
afterwards...Not going to say much on
that...she'll be
aight...I'm not the only roach in her
closet,...ya
dig...she just likes to depend on me a
lot...I called her
needy the other day, and she wanted to
die...hehehe...I
dint mean it in a bad way, it's just that
she's such a
chik and am a tomboy so all that girly stuff
irks me.
She's my dawg tho. Anyway, shes in Boston at
the moment
having a freezing blast...lol. I love the
weather
here...it's mild winter. I was at
work...well, not my
real job sha, from 8-4 today so I made some
money...yayyy. I made some beats with the loops
software...Oh My...I've got talent if I must
say so
myself. And i have a rap that would go
nicely with
it...just need a chorus n hook,...but
watever,..it's all
fun. called my mum b4 bed...I miss her a lot
too, just as
much as DK,...so I guess I love 2 of them the
most,...just my mum more. I'm used to not
talking to the
twins which is bad...we're still so close
tho, but they
are not good with the long distance thing
even though I'm
thier only sister...well, that they know of
anyway...hehehe..."I trust you Daddy" ;) . I
miss my pops..I guess I'm daddys little more
like big girl now. He just makes me feel so
special...DK's got some measuring up to
do...so heavy competition...:) I Miss my
grandma...I feel rejuvinated when she prays
in Yoruba for
me...shes great, God-fearing, Loving,
Kind....and lots
more...I want to be the kind of wife and
mother she is.
I MISS MY DOGS...Skyler, Romeo, Roger, JAX,
and the baby
Sasha....shes the baby but the biggest...how
Ironic life
can be atimes. I love my dogs..I love dogs
period.
This is the text i sent to DK
tonight/morning.............."I know u're
Undecided bout
ur admission but I'm still really proud of
u. Ur sexyness
just went 5 points up, so Goodnight...I have
to go dream
about kissing you now...Bye
Babe".....hehehehe....ye
s,....I
do love a
Man who is
dedicated and sticks even though things get
rough and
times get hard...Even though all seems
hopeless, again it
is a test of faith. Believe in God. O Yes, I
do adore a
Man that knows the right thing to do and
despite the
pressure he might be under, makes the right
decision and
does the right thing. He might stray at
times, but he
kneels down and asks the lord for guidiance
and tip-toes
until he finds his way back to thte yellow
brick road. You are motivated to better
yourself, thereby motivating me to be a
better woman. We
have the same ambitions and similar goals,
it might
take you longer to attain yours due to prior
mistakes and
mishaps but I will stay by ur side and speak
words of
encouragement until you are able to stand
tall on your own
again, and even then I will not leave you
but remain by
yur side. We will go to all 7 continents
that the Lord
put on this earth for us to explore. We'll
have a taste
of Greek, Brazilian, Hong-Kong, and the
likes. We'll see
sights and hear the sounds of the beauty of
Africa. We'll
do this together... For Yes ,I Love the Man.
| |
|
| |
Edit
Delete | |
|
| |
Add comment | |
| |
|
|
| | | |
|
| |
Thursday - Feb. 8, 2007
- 0:50 AM - EST
- #14
|
|
|
| |
Wednesday...I called DK at 7:00am his time which is night
time here and we had a nice and lengthy conversation...we
mostly do anyway, but I think I liked this one best...I
dont remember most of it though, isn't that weird...Well,
bottom line is he has always made his intentions clear
about US, so we talk about OUR future all the time...what
I do remember is that he said he's going to have this
Traditional Friday thing in a few years were he goes out
with his boys to have drinks and whatever else it is that
guys do/talk about on Friday nights, and he would prefer
if I came out with him EVERYTIME. I thought that was the
most adorable proposal ever.....hehehehe....I swear if me
n him are not together in the future, I would really have
a lot of de-toxing to do. My cute moment was when i said
that we've been away from each other for so long that I'm
so used to speaking to him on the phone, and that
God-willing, in the future, if he has to go out of town,
I would just have to go with him EVERYTIME because I
can't stand being away from him.....hehehehe...we both
laffed hard at our rambles...I know it's not too
realistic but that's what being in a long-distant
relationship does to ya....it makes u ga-ga or makes the
heart go fonder,...which ever is your cup of
tea!!!...Have I said how I Love his laugh, and his voice
when he just wakes up...oh my goodness...I mean, I
purposely call him a 4:00am sometimes just to hear him
when he wakes....lol...ok, i need to stop NOW!!!!! Bye Diary.
| |
|
| |
Edit
Delete | |
|
| |
Add comment | |
| |
|
|
| | |
|
| |
Wednesday - Feb. 7, 2007
- 0:17 AM - EST
- #13
|
|
|
| |
Thursday...went to QB's crib and watched greys
anatomy...great show by the way...Ok, I know in church
they tell us to speak positively about our lives like
when your down with the Flu, you say you are well in
Jesus name?!?!...Well,...I am RICH IN JESUS NAME..u get
my picture...I graduated from college and am yet to find
a job. I mean, I could be working now with some
Agicultural sumn sumn...but the lady old me it's $12 AN
HOUR...hahahaha...AM SORYY WHAT???...na B...I have a
Beachelors degree in Biology with a ,minor in Chemistry
with an alrite GPA, 3.56 to be precise. I got paid $10 as
an undergraduate researcher and now u want to give me
food packaging job for 12 bucks...Hello,..some HR peeps
do not know wussup...I felt insulted,..I'm sorry if it
makes me sound shallow...But I know I deserver more...Got
a 2 other offers on the table tho...20 buck an hour but I
havent gotten the main call for the compnays hiring
manager...i think it is a test of faith, and this is one
test I know well right that I am not failing...Personal
note to GOD,...I trust in you and believe you can do it
for me Lord...Please give me the Job with CH. It would
really make my mum so happy cos sometimes I think she
Loves me more than I love myself...And please heal London
Buki and Yellows mum...I've been thinking about her a lot
lately,...I tried to give him a wake up call this morning
but I guess he dint find it amusing and he has finalling
given up on me cos I decided not to be the friend her
wanted...I think it would be good for him and me both,
but Lord help him understand and not resent me. I know my
capabilities and I just can be there for him like
dat...The trust is gone and he cant really get it back
because I wont,...no I cant let him! My face is still
ringing from the slap you see. I have completely let go
but I dont like to be used and I now he probably doesn't
know it, but he is indirectly and unconciously using
me...that's what happens when you're in Love...u dont
care about anyone else and after the fact. All you care
about is you and the person you Love, so I am protecting
myself and guarding my Mind, Soul, and Heart from the
selfishness of the world...I mean, he is no different
from the other girls I stopped talking to cos they tried
to be friend with me because of my cousin LB...It is just
a bit more complicatedf bcos we were friends b4 all this
and now we've just fallen apart. He has tried to mend it,
but I'm not one to be fixed...U brake it, just throw it
away cos fixing means it might work, but not as good as
it used to, put some tape around it and it might look
alright but not as beautiful as it should be...Just throw
it away and get a new one.
| |
|
| |
Edit
Delete | |
|
| |
Add comment | |
| |
|
|
| | | |
|
|
|
| |
Monday - Feb. 5, 2007
- 9:06 PM - EST
- #11
|
|
|
| |
I finally got my GRE book...I learnt about 30 words in
one day...and i think am done for life...So, we went to
Queen B's to meet up with our daddy...DY...To have a
family discussion about the unborn twins...I sent him a
text saying I needed to give him a hug, but it was for
Me..lol...DY's so cool..I love him like he were my
mothers child. So, Queen B wasn't back from work and me
n DB were waiting patiently for him to come, so he
came, and it was like he couldn't look at us at
first...It was understandable!!!...Well, we bounced
princess O to the room so we could talk..and he
started....WOW..It was a lenghty but healthy
conversation. I got my hug from him. Then he said it
was DB's fault cos he tried to toast her....OMG...I
almost died when he said dat...I literally ran into the
cold with no shoes and no jacket on cos we'd all been
joking about it, and he finally confirmed it. So QB
returned from work and DY told her dat he couldn't tell
us cos he couldn't deal with it...The rest got their
own hugs from him...Queen B cooked and we were a happy
family again...We made fun about how when we go on road
trips this time around, we have to rent SUV's with two
baby car seats at the back, and when at the hotel, we
cant share beds anymore cos 'THE BOY'S' have to sleep
comfortably and we will all take 4 hour shifts at
nigth....hahahahahaha...Our family is so cool and
suportive...I'm gonna buy him diapers and baby food
once a month for a while...cos he's DY, you know...And
his baby mama who is omo Ghana hates us cos we are so
close to him...Well, she can eat do-do for all i
care..As long as she takes care of herself and delivers
our homeboys kids safely...The babe claims she used
birht-control pills...First of all,...it's all so dodgy
bcos we know she's been trying to get DY to propose but
he already told her he cant marry cos he cant maryy for
pity...he wants to do it for love...thats why they
broke up in the first place...I hate that chik right
now...I believe she trapped him...It sucks mahn...we
need to control our urges...Thank GOd am
celebate...Dats right y'all,...I AM CELEBATE TILL I
JUMP THE BROOM!!!....hehehehhe...Think am crazy
yet?...Peace.
| |
|
| |
Edit
Delete | |
|
| |
Add comment | |
| |
|
|
| | | |
|
| |
Sunday - Feb. 4, 2007
- 8:51 PM - EST
- #10
|
|
|
| |
Sunday Morning...I called DK right after we got back
from the club cos i was still buzzed..."just call to
say I love you, ok...Goodnight"...AM sure he thot I was
trying to get back at him for his own friday night
escapades...not really tho...i was really just missing
him...I love that Boy, u know. We went to bed, and DB
woke up with skin irritations on her back.
ALLERGIES...like da heck...allergic to what I
wonder...Well, since my mums a nurse, I already told
her what it could be and what she needed for it..My mum
reinforced all i said, so i felt good that i actually
knew wat i was chatting about. Well, I rub some
ointment on her back after church....I
digress...BREAKING NEWS...Our daddy is going to be a
baby Daddy...Not one child...TWINS...The
Hell???...How...Anyway, DY was outta town and his ex
comes to church showing the whole congragation and
thier mama's her 4 month swollen stomach...it was
crazy...i was upset tho, being that DY,DB,Queen B n I
are pretty close, and DY n DB almost hooked up because
DY loved DB at some point...We dint know how to react
until we heard from him...We'll wait till we see him to
know how to feel...Goodnight
| |
|
| |
Edit
Delete | |
|
| |
Add comment | |
| |
|
|
| | |
|
| |
Saturday - Feb. 3, 2007
- 8:11 PM - EST
- #9
|
|
|
| |
DK did end up calling me back that night,... midnight
while I was about to start dreaming about him...HE WAS
TOTALLY WASTED!!!....Dint we just have the short
convo/mini one-sided arguement about this..Well, I
guess It's cute to some extent because I told one of my
guy friends and he said,..."well you know what they say
about people when they are drunk...They act on what
they feel like doing the most when intoxicated!!!"...I
guess that's a good thing. But he sounded so HOT but he
was too drunk to hold a proper conversation..."I was
just thinking about you because I miss you, and I
wanted to hear your voice"...AWWW....I would've given
him the sexiest kiss ever if he was infront of me. O
then, he said "my ex-girlfriend says Hi"..and I was
like tell her Hi for me"...AM I crazy,...I think I am,
or I just dont care much for any other girl that might
be a treat....Or maybe I just trust him enough that it
dint bother me...hehehehe...see confidence...Am
blessed. So, Queen B got me n DB to come pick her up
and go on a road trip to shop TWO HOURS away...Crazy
innit...well, t'was fun. Before we left,...I had dude
cal me.." I thought we were hanging out today"...ME:
Well, yeah but am 2hrs away at the moment...DUDE: But
the Asian thing is like right now...ME: Damn, I totally
forgot....DUDE: Never mind then...ME: I feel bad,...but
sorry?!?!...DUDE: It's ok, never mind, Bye...ME:
Bye.................Ok, that wasn't nice plus he
already bought the tickets...but I dont fell too bad
cos I dint exactly agree to go anywhere wiv him..O
well, maybe he'll finally give up on asking me to hang
out with him. We had a blast that night...we all went
for our frends husbands birthday at some Lounge...t'was
cool...first time DB got a buzz...hehehehe....she was
all over the place, huging on guys that she dint even
like to talk to...Alcohol is BAD. Goodnight
| |
|
| |
Edit
Delete | |
|
| |
Add comment | |
| |
|
|
| | | |
|
| |
Friday - Feb. 2, 2007
- 8:24 PM - EST
- #8
|
|
|
| |
I always tell myself I'm not going to write in the
journal today and I end up doing so..dats because I
love words..They are ours and no one can take it from
us. I wrote 2things today...I wrote my first song and
it's entitled Goodbye...Or something of that
nature...It's my not my very first song but it's the
very first one I am sure of...As u can tell from my
name, it's a soulful song. Sounds like a Meshell
Ndegeocello meets Norah Jones....hehehe..Cool!!!...Ok,
So I had my fone turned off all day because of my usual
stalkers. This one guy actually called my friend turned
room mate whom is the love of his life but they stopped
talking because she doesn't fancy him, more like he
disgusts her,..Ohhhh it's a long twisted story...Did I
mention that me n him had a fling sorta thing sometime
ago then he decided to fall in love with her,..my
friend who was once the object of his loathing and whom
he used to call names like b**** and h**. Well he
decided to hide it from me and she asked me if it would
be a problem and I said no she should rock that
boat...But then he still kept it from me...So I
confronted him and he denied it by denying her and when
he was in the tightest corner that had him at a loss of
oxygen, he had no choice but to confess to save the
rest of what our friendship was and also the rest of
his dignity, but killed it by saying..."I understand if
you dont want to be my friend anymore"...THEN and
THERE...I hung up the phone...hahahahaha....it was
hilarious.....*catching my breath*. Yah...i ended the
friendship but he lied...he dint understand that I
didn't want to be his friend anymore because he
kept/keeps stalking me...sad!!! What really hurt me the
most is that he told my friend "Well,....I have my ex-
girl(Some random chik) and my very good friend (ME)
fighting with me because of you, so you need to make a
decision"...WOW....More like ARROGANT SON OF A very
nice woman (I know/like his mum,..so i'll leave her out
of this)...well...he doesn't know that I know that he
said all that and that is my basis for being distant
becaus I dont think a FRIEND would be so willing to
dump you like dat because of hormones..He made me an
option which hurt me to my nerves mehn...it killed my
spirit for days...But then I had a long summer vacation
in Europe so I left all that behind in the states...But
I had to come back someday...I did and he is always
there...hunting me...I make him sound real bad
innit..he's alright,..just when he's away from me. But
then he's now like a stalker...I know he is still using
me to try to get close to my friend which makes all his
invitations to stuff feel wrong..So i've rejected every
last offer...Painful, but hey...I have to do what I
have to....Spoke to my mum twice..Called her at 4:00am
then she woke me up at past 7....hehehe..I lover that
woman. O yeah...DK actually called me tonight...dint
speak to him tho...thank God...He left a message on my
phone @ 3:00am his time...He was definately drunk. I
hate when he calls me drunk. Dint we just have an
argument about this last weekend...But deep inside me,
I think It's cute because it means he's thinking about
me when he's having fun...makes me feel special but I
still dont like him getting drunk...Sounds hypocritical
innit...O well...Sue me...Good Night Journal
| |
|
| |
