ilovegaarakun's Journal

Nov 2007
11:08 AM EDT

remember that letter i got from the school about me violating some attendence law? yeah. they called me up to the guidance office today and there was some social worker sitting with my counselor. i immediately knew that i wasn't going to make it out of there without makinga fool of myself. but unfortunately, because i had no choice, i went in and sat down. i already knew what they were going to say, for i did recieve the letter in the mail informing me that my mother and i had to attend a manditory meeting this morning so we could discuss the matter. not to mention, the assistant principal called me to her office about it yesterday. but anyway, i sat down and the social worker introduced himself and stated what it was that he came here to do. he began by asking me questions about why i was absent so much, and then of coarse the inevitable question came: "is there anything happening at home that we should know about?". i thought 'oh gods... here it comes...' i answered no and as the questions persisted and became more personal, ibecamemore and more vulnerable. eventually, within about 10 minutes or so, i started to cry. i fucking hate crying in front of people ESPECIALLY people at school because they get so fucking involved and they don't know when to back off. then i did something fucking stupid that i just KNOW will come and haunt me. they asked me if i was actually depressed and i said yes. they asked me if i ever thought about suicide, and, without even thinking it through first, i said "EVERY DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE!". it was not until about 20 minutes after i got back to class that i realized was a fucking idiotic mistake that was. the social worker already said that he was required to call my mother because of her absence in the meeting (i told them i didn't get the letter...), soi just know that if he actually gets a hold of her, then hes going to tell her that i said i was suicidal. fuck!!! omg.... i don't even know what to do. i cannot believe i told a total fucking stranger something so confidential. at the end of the meeting, they both were like "we're REALLY glad you were so honest about that. you didn't have to tell us that." ahh!! but i was retarded and said it anyway! nkfwqvzx!!!!!! i'm so pissed. my mom's gonna give me a fucking earful for this one. i remember talking about my depression to a guidance counselor at my middle school back in like 7th grade and everything i told her was repeated back to me furiously by my mother that same night. omg. i don't want to have to relive that. i really hope the man called my house instead of her cell phone. if thats the case then i can simply erase the message when i get home and she'll never know, just like i ripped up the letter. omg. i hope thats what happened. ha! you know what my counselor said? he told me to come talk to him about ANYTHING if i ever needed to. ahahahahaha!!!!! right! i learned my goddamned lesson 5 years ago. fuck that. he's sadly mistaken if he honestly thinks i'm going to go to him to talk about serious issues in my life. and besides, i'd want to talk all day and then it would be like skipping class. he'd never get anything done. "can we let you go back to class without you hurting yourself?" XDD. what a fucking loser. like i'm seriously going to hurt myself intentionally in school. he must really think i'm an idiot. if i really thought killing myself was absolutely necessary and that there was no other way out, don't you think i would have done it by now? i still have slight hope, mostly because i haven't really been all that depressed lately. ugh. until this morning of coarse. fuuuuuuuuuuck... alright i have to go now.

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ilovegaarakun's Profile

Username: ilovegaarakun

Gender / Age: Female, 34

Location: USA - Virginia

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ILOVEGAARAKUN's Interests:

About Me: i'm an anime freak and i love music. i have to be listening to music at all times. ^_^

Interests: anime, yaoi, yuri, fanfiction, music, and the like.

Favorite Music: 30 seconds to mars,a perfect circle, alexisonfire, alkaline trio, atreyu, avenged sevenfold, the blood brothers, blue october, boy hits car, bullet for my valentine, caroline's spine, coheed and cambria, coldplay, the counting crows, daft punk, death cab for cutie, deftones, depeche mode, e-rotic, eiffel 65, enigma, the faint, fall out boy, fear before the march of flames, fintroll, flogging molly, frank sinatra, from autumn to ashes, funkervogt, gackt, godsmack, heaven shall burn, incubus, job for a cowboy, linkin park, ludwig van beethoven, madonna, malice mizer, marilyn manson, the matches, metallica, muse, my chemical romance, nine inch nails, pretty girls make graves, rammstein, senses fail, she wants revenge, shinedown, soft cell, soul asylum, staind, stephen lynch, sting, streetlight manifesto, thursday, tool, tsunami bomb, the used.

Favorite Movies: fight club, advent children, anything with jack nicholson in it, 300.

Favorite Television: no tv for me!

Favorite Books: anything by anne rice, great expectations (charles dickens), night (elie wiesel), a separate peace (john knowles), sybil (flora rheta schreiber) manga: absolute boyfriend, gravitation, naruto, loveless, gakuen heaven.

ILOVEGAARAKUN's Friends:

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