bericu's Journal

May 2007
4:38 PM CDT

David had to take me to the ER tonight, my leg was so swollen that it caused my foot to swell and i was having problems walking...they checked and said that it was not broken, just severly bruised and that it will take 12-15 weeks to heal...that sucks!!

I feel better knowing that it is not broken....

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May 2007
4:36 PM CDT

We had another therapy session today...it was alright...we had to make a list of what we thought the key ingredients in a happy marriage were....we both agreed that we need to talk more..we need to spend time together more...

We went and did the laundry together tonight...it was alright...we actually talked about the future...I dont want to get my hopes up yet...

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May 2007
4:27 PM CDT

David surprised me by getting up at 715a and making me breakfast, and then asking me if I wanted to go shopping at Lane Bryant (I got a gift card there)--we went shopping for almost 2 hours..he never complained ...we then went to Planet Sub for lunch and then met his family to see Spiderman 3 for Mother's Day...it was a pretty good movie...we then went to Longhorn for dinner...overall it wasa pretty great day...

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May 2007
4:25 PM CDT

David called me at work this afternoon and told me that he was going out with Paul and did not know what time he would be home...I did not even comment...

I did not come home until 8p, I went to a baby shower for a friend...David called me 5 times while I was there wanting to know where I was, he decided to come home and wanted me there...I explained that I was out and would be home later..

When I got home, David had not eaten since I was not there....I took him out to Boston Market for dinner...he was not impressed...

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May 2007
4:33 PM CDT

David surprised me by taking me out tonight, to teach me how to ride him motorcycle...It was fun until I dropped the bike--TWICE...the first time, the bike landed on me...it hurt so bad--BUT I DID NOT CRY...he asked if I wanted to try again and shockingly I said YES...i tried again and dropped it on the other side and pinned my leg....this time i broke 2 lights, the mirror, gear shifters and the bug guard...he never yelled though...just made sure that I was okay...my leg hurts so bad...it is swollen in the front the size of a grapefruit and on the ankle the size of a baseball....I am not getting on the bike anytime soon...

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May 2007
4:21 PM CDT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! I AM 32 YRS OLD NOW...where has time gone?

David called me to wish me a Happy BDay...he even told me to go out to dinner and have a good time...we really did not have the money--but he said not to think about that...I went to Sonic...HAHA! and then took Charlie to Dairy Queen to get some ice cream...being 32 is not so bad...

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May 2007
4:19 PM CDT

Today would have been my grandfathers 76th birthday...he died on July 12, 2006...I miss him so much...DAMN CANCER!

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May 2007
4:18 PM CDT

David's familly had a birthday party for me today...it was very low key...but it was fun...I really could not believe that with everything that was going on, that they remembered...David and I spent the whole day together...it was very nice...I was sad to see him leave to go to Wichita again...

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May 2007
4:17 PM CDT

David surprised me tonight by taking me to Smuggler's Inn for my birthday...the food was surprisingly good. It was really nice to just go out, him and I. It sucked though that he was not feeling well...

David dropped me off after dinner and headed to Paul's house...he did not come home until 330am...when he did get home, he told me that he loved me and then SURPRISE...HE MADE LOVE TO ME...we have not made love since Februrary...i was so surprised that I cried thru the whole moment...I am so confused....

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May 2007
4:13 PM CDT

My Aunt Vicky and I went and saw DIRTY DANCING..it was the 20th anniversary...she took me for my birthday...it was so much fun! She even brought dinner to me..Hunan's chinese....YUMMY!!!!!

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Apr 2007
4:11 PM CDT

TODAY IS MY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY....yeah..i think...

I took Charlie to my mom's house and let him run for hours ...we live in the city, so he is always on a leash...today he did not have to be...he enjoyed himself so much...

I saw the therapist again on Thursday morning, this was an alone session...she told me that she thought I was chasing David and to stop. She told me to not call him, just let him be, let him see what it is like when I dont call him or tell him that I love him...I dont really know what to make of this, i did not realize I was chasing him, I thought that when you are married, you are supposed to talk to your spouse...

I took her advice and have not called David one time...I think David is starting to notice...while I was at my mothers house, he called my 7 times on my cell phone and left messages wanting to know where i was....when I finally called him he was so glad to hear my voice (that is what he said)...I was not avoiding his calls, where my mom lives there is no signal ...so I had no idea he had tried to call me...

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Apr 2007
4:02 PM CDT

Our 1 year anniversary is on Sunday...I can't believe that a year has passed. Since David has to be in Wichita on Sunday morning for work.. I decided to make him a cake and give him an anniversary card...I figure that even with the problems we still had to acknowledge the day...

I baked a wonderful cake and decorated it. Charlie though ruined the cake by getting on the counter and licking the icing off of one side of the cake..BAD DOG!

David did not come home from Paul's house until 3am. He called and woke me up to let me know he was on his way. (he has not done that in a while)...I showed him the cake and the card...he did not say anything, just went to bed.

On Saturday morning, David apologized to me for going to Paul's house when it was our anniversary and that he was sorry he missed it. I explained to him that our anniversary was on Sunday, but since he had to leave on Saturday evening to go to Wichita, I thought that we could celebrate earlier...he just said he probably would have forgotten anyways...

David did take me out to lunch for out anniversary at Cascone's--it was a nice lunch

David shocked my even more when we got home and asked if I wanted to go to the movies with him--we went and saw HOT FUZZ..it was really funny! As we were leaving he again shocked me by suggesting that we go and get ice cream..I could not believe it...it was like I had the old David back again...

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Apr 2007
3:49 PM CDT

David came home at 8am this morning--I was so shocked to see him. I asked what he was doing and all he said, was that we had a counseling appointment at 9am...

We went to counseling again today...it was more difficult than the first time...I cried and David cried..Our therapist does not know what to tell us...she is just as confused as we are...David just kept saying that he did not want to hurt me...does he not realize that when he says I love you, but only as a friend that he is hurting me ?!?! Afterwards, we went to the park and sat and talked for a while...we both cried again and just said that we were not ready to call it quits..but neither of us know what to do..

We went to the movies tonight and saw Ghost Rider-- I was so dissapointed in the movie...but I had a good time with David...

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Apr 2007
3:55 PM CDT

I was so happy coming home from work today...I really have no idea why...all of that changed though once I got home...David left and went to his friend Paul's house ...he called my cell and left me a voicemail...he called my voicemail not me...I was so upset that I called him and spoke to him...he was angry and told me that he was going out for a while and that he would not be home anytime soon...I begged him to come home, but he would not...he told me that all of the things we had talked about in therapy were BS and that he did not want to be married to me...that hurt so much...and hung up on me...

I spoke to my mom and she told me to come and stay with her, I told her no that I was not just going to leave...I did call David's parents and let them know what was going on...David called my family in February and started all of this, but did not think that his family should be involved...his mom and dad were so upset...they just dont understand what went wrong...

My mom called my Dad,who then called me...he told me that this was hard but that i will persevere...he then called David to talk tohim...David didnot answer the phone...David did finally call my dad back and they talked...i did not hear from david until 230am when he called to say that he would not be home...

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Apr 2007
3:41 PM CDT

I told David about the pay off for the loan--he did not take it too badly...

David took me to dinner tonight at The Hereford House...it was too expensive...During dinner we did not hardly talk...most of the time at dinner was spent watching those around us--everyone seemed happy, you could see couples that were in love and had been for a long time.

We we were walking back to the truck, I tried to hold David's hand...He let me, but he did not try to hold me...THAT HURT A LOT...

I just can not decide if our marriage is completely over OR if I am crazy and just making something out of nothing..I love David so much that it is killing me inside. I do not know what to do.

David and I went to Sanford's Comedy House tonight and saw Darren Carter...it was so much fun! It was snowing when we left...I like snow...

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Apr 2007
3:37 PM CDT

David said "GOODBYE" to me this morning--he has not said goodbye when he left for work in so long...I am not getting my hopes up...

I got a phone call from a bill collector today--I have until the 15th to pay my loan off...I don't know how to tell David...I don't want to fight....I wish that I had never had the loan...If I could take it all back I would...

I really hope that David can forgive me...I think that I will write him a letter trying to explain myself...I don't know if it will do any good.

I was thinking of joining a bowling league...I think that it would be good for me..

I wish our car was fixed...this is so ridiculous...I don't understand insurance companies..

I wish that David would acknowledge the Easter card and gift that I got him...

MY HEART HURTS...

Charlie is staring at me like I am crazy...maybe I am

They say that writing in a journal is good for you---but so far I have not noticed anything different

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Apr 2007
3:30 PM CDT

David did not come home from Paul's until after 2am....he had to be at work at 530am....

HAPPY EASTER!!

I went to my mom's for dinner...that was difficult.. I realized that she had told THE WHOLE FAMILY what was going on...AWKWARD....I finally left after 2 hours...

I colored my hair RED today...it looks alright..

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Apr 2007
3:28 PM CDT

David got home around 330am -4am this morning...I was so glad that he came home. We ran errands today. Things are very stilted between us now..

We went bowling today...I won 3 out of 4 games...it was a blast!

David went to Paul's house again tonight....I was so angry when he told me that he was going back over there, that I LEFT while he was taking Charlie out. I called him on his cell and told him that I was going to dinner and a movie...I also told him that I was not going to apologize for leaving..I told him that I was MAD! I also told David that he needed to make a decision...DO YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED OR DO YOU WANT TO BE SINGLE?!? I then hung up on him...I am not proud of myself...

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Apr 2007
3:24 PM CDT

We went to counseling today--WOW--that was fun..NOT! I had never been to counseling...it is really intense...I cried thru most of it...I think that David is upset that I brought up the porn...I was not trying to upset David, I just felt that all items should be on the table.

David left tonight and went to his friend Pauls and did not come home until 4am.

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Apr 2007
3:21 PM CDT

Today was a difficult day. I contacted our insurance company to see about MARRIAGE COUNSELING! We are covered for this (yeah!) Although, they warned me that this only works when 2 people decide to participate. They BOTH have to want IT. I don't know if David wants this. He says he does....

At times, I think that he is biding his time. I don't know if he thinks I will just get tired and leave or that he will get tired and leave.I am so tired...

Who would have thought that a year after we move in together that David and I would be having problems?! Not me, I figured at the worst our marriage would be the normal squabbles about daily life. HAHA! I guess the joke is on me. I got David a card, he never even commented on it, just left it on the sink next to the toilet...what does that mean?! I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP...I DID NOT GET MARRIED JUST TO GET DIVORCED... I took my vows very seriously--I think David was too. We just somehow got lost from one another. I think it was the distance, David was away so much...

I really don't know what to do, my husband barely speaks to me, we don't have sex-at all..it has been over a month now. He no longer finds me sexually attractive--I don't know what's changed--I have not gained weight--I have actually lost weight.

David is my 1 TRUE LOVE in life. I still remember the night that I met him. I never told that I said a prayer that night, asking GOD to let him be the man for me. My wish came true. I don't know what he saw in me, but I wish that he could see it again. Maybe someday I will tell him.

Charlie (dog) has been acting retarded today...he is so wonderful--he makes me laugh :-) I thank God for him...

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bericu's Profile

Username: bericu

Gender / Age: Female, 49

Location: USA - Missouri

BERICU's Interests:

About Me: Happily married...most of the time...workaholic...

Interests: love to read, watch movies, play games and be a dork

Favorite Music: anything with a great beat to it...

Favorite Movies: The Big Blue...absolute favorite

Favorite Television: NCIS, CSI, CRIMINAL MINDS, CSI NY, MYTHBUSTERS,

Favorite Books: Anne of Green Gables