He should be boarding his plane any moment. I wish I were able to fly out there, and surprise him. That, I know, would work wonders for us. My foolishness has gotten the best of me. My stubbornness. My tendencies to act adolescent. Shame on me for the wrong decisions I've made.
I hate how I attributed to his sadness today. I shouldn't have let him onto the driveway. He didn't need to hear any of that. I take full blame for that. Shame on me again.
My eyes are swollen, I'm falling asleep at the keyboard and have no make up on.
My sister did say I was nothing to her. That killed me. They called me Lupe ... that put more shame upon me.
Shame on me.
All I want to do is to be in someone's arms -- someone who cares ... someone who I can feel reassurance from.
I want my mommy. I want my sister. But neither of them have it in them to hug someone who's done them wrong.
I feel I've lost my best friend. But I haven't, I know. Casey is my best friend. Not having that someone there a moment away ... can really take a toll on someone. He really has become a big part of my every day.
I can feel his sadness, right inside my heart. I want to take that away from him, so he won't feel that pain. He doesn't deserve to feel that way.
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