Miss1's Journal

 
    
13
Oct 2006
9:34 AM EDT
   

You know..... it's been awhile since we last talked and I've desperately needed this. I am finally beginning to understand what a bitch I have been to the people in my life. It is so refreshing to finally see and understand that. I have been ruining my own life, love and happiness. Or should I more correctly say that I have been sabotaging it for reasons unknown to me still. But I want to be happy. That's a big admittance from me. I always dwelled in my unhappiness. I thought that was how I was supposed to feel. Don't know why. Anyway, it may not make much sense to anyone out there, hell--- it makes none to me yet, but the great thing is that I realize now that what I've been lacking in my life and love is only ME!!! Only me. What I didn't put in to it. Nothing. It took 3 days of me being sick with the flu and not being able to work to figure this out. Sounds stupid I know but it worked for me. I want to live and love how I'm living. I'm tired of letting my past pains determine my life here on out. I've held on to that for too long and I believe I'm ready to let it go. I think that sometimes you have to look outside of yourself to see that it's not that bad after all. Everything I have right now is-----just. So thank you for being my ear and mouthpiece to help me learn what I've been lacking all along. I want self-esteem. I want to feel pretty and useful and important and smart. But----I want it without someone telling me. I want to know for myself. this journal entry is a soul-opener for me. Anyone out there who may read this.....I don't want to bore you with my incessant bitching but YOU HAVE SAVED ME!!! And for that, I am forever grateful. Until then..... I will be back for more tomorrow. Thank you
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Miss1's Profile

  • Username: Miss1
  • Gender / Age: Female, 45
  • Location: USA - Kentucky
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    MISS1's Interests:

    About Me: Hello world!!!! I am 26 yrs old. I am 5"7 and weigh around 140 with dark hair and green eyes. I love music and I love to read. I am a mother of a 6 year old babygirl.I am now learning to love life again. Or, should I say for the very first time and it is a task!!! But one well worth it. Thanks for listening.

    Interests: some of my interests...let's see... I love baseball and I love to read. I am very passionate about music.

    Favorite Music: Since music is one of my passions I enjoy a little of all music but I prefer hip hop or hardcore music. I truly like when they mix those together. Like Korn, Rage...things like that. Also love '80's music!

    Favorite Movies: Goodfellas, Scarface and Menace II Society

    Favorite Television: Grey's Anatomy and My Name IS Earl...also Flavor of love

    Favorite Books: Some of my favorite books are true-crime books

    MISS1's Friends:
    bettyboxedin
    yingteptida