Sometimes I wish I would just die. Seriously, there are so many different ways that I can kill myself and it won't even look like suicide. People would just think it was an accident. I've thought about it a lot...different ways...when I would do it...would I write a letter...would I call someone right before and tell them why...who would I tell... A few times I've had it all planned out. But, then someone would surprise me and temporarily make me forget my problems. The real problem is that my problems aren't the type that just go away. They are always there, I carry it with me everyday. Sometimes I can't figure out why I'm not already dead. By some standards I should be dead. It would make it so much easier. I sometimes feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I carry with me the fact that my father molested me for about 5 years and until about 2 months ago, I still lived in the same house as him. The fear that I felt everyday and every night, even after it had stop, was unbearable.. And still is... It has some type of hold on me and won't let go. I feel myself slipping deeper and deeper, until soon there won't be any deeper than a 6 foot grave.
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