Phyl's Flashes

 
    
27
Jan 2009
1:34 AM PDT
   

Grief

Everyday I think it's getting better. I miss my dog but I don't have that painful lump in my throat all the time. Yesterday I went back to work, Pam said I didn't have to but I thought I could. It was kind of hard to concentrate, don't know if that was because of my grief or just because it's been a few months since I've had that much work. Her slow season has ended and it looks promising so far that the first quarter will be good.

I've been really distracted, living inside my head, not feeling like anything matters. Just moving through the day waiting for it to be over.�Over the weekend Barry made me go for a walk with him, I was glad to move around, breath in the cold air, it was good - until�the first time I saw someone walking their dog, oh crap - my first thought - "that dog is gonna die someday and you're going to be as sad as me!"�

Can you imagine how crazy I'd look if I did that? I guess I'll stop thinking thoughts like that in time. Dan told me that one way to get over the loss of a dog is to get another - NO WAY! Not ready for that!! I've wished (before Radar died)�we could have another�dog, one that is small/doesn't shed/can sit on your lap but as�much as I thought I wanted that then, I don't want it now.�I'm just so sad, every dog just reminds me of that Radar is gone and he isn't ever coming back. How�I feel when I�remember�how he looked at me that last night, how he tried to follow me out of the vets office.�

I know it's going to be ok, there's no way around this, I have to go through it, I�can, I will feel better...�

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