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gmcgrath 58, Male, United Kingdom - 2 entries

Sep 2007
6:45 AM GMT

Last night in Church Jelena was talking about the Mind and the battle for it. She said that Christian's thoughts of the past few weeks about Asking, Seeking and Knocking had made her think about this and evaluate how she is living and functioning.

It was very challenging and I know that God wants to deal with me in the area of my mind because this is by far the biggest battleground for me. When things go wrong, when wrong decisions get made they are made because I have allowed myself to think in an undisciplined way. I mean how on EARTH can a grown man operate without any control over his mind.

"As a man thinks in his heart so he is."

Jesus said that what comes OUT of a man will show you what he really is. Funny that eh? Whats spent time in his mind, what he's allowed himself to mull over...taken time to allow those thots to take hold.

2 CORINTHIANS 10:3-5 "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."

Our warfare is to be spiritual because we are dealing with spiritual forces. What battles we win, we win in the mind first. What battle we lose, are lost in the mind.

Why is it then that so many Christians think so little about what they allow into their minds. Martin Luther said about this subject that "you cannot stop birds from flying over your head but you can stop them from making nests in your hair."

Very practical thoughts but until you start to make conscious choices, it all remains some nebulous thought, a great principle that someone talked about... and great sermon. If i go away from last night and just think that and dont actually start to make choices then thats all it becomes to me too.

I found this random page when I searched for the word "strongholds" and I thought this part was very good so I'll share it.

ROMANS 6:16"Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey."

JOHN 10:10,11 "The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (Abundant Life). I am the good shepherd ..."

I. EVERYONE HAS STRONGHOLDS(From material by Bruce Wilkinson)

II. CHARACTERISTICS OF STRONGHOLDS:
1. The stronghold exists in the person's MIND (the stronghold is a lie)
2. The stronghold is deceitfully hidden from the person's awareness.
3. The stronghold has existed for considerable time.
4. The stronghold has tempted the person to sin repeatedly.
5. The stronghold repeatedly overpowers the person, creating hopelessness.
6. The stronghold has many intellectual and emotional defenses.
7. The stronghold is actively and aggressively opposed to God and His truth.

Reading through these thoughts I can see so clearly things in my own life that have become strongholds and how they have done their work of controlling and distracting me.

Paul talks in 2 Cor 10:5 about "bringing every thought into captivity." Practically its like training yourself in anything new. If you've not done it before, or you've let something get in the way, starting again can be a bit of a struggle at first. Remember when you learned to ride a bike at first? lol

Last night after I'd had time to think about these things, I had a great chance to put this into practice and while I didn't do that well, (I reacted to things said to me in a selfish way) through it all I was actually conscious of the process and what was happening.

Lord make me aware of the process, as I do deal with people and throughout my day, of what I allow my heart to dwell on, of the thought processes that I allow my mind to enter into.

Every thought must be brought into captivity. Imagine a conquering army. The battle coming to an end but there are skirmishes and each group we come across must be controlled and captured, wrestled to the ground and subdued.

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justjeff 58, Male, North Carolina, USA - 22 entries

Sep 2007
11:27 PM EDT

Well, I haven't published anything public since May. However, the private journal at home is filled with the events of the summer.

I moved Elliot to New York, a month ago as of Sept 1. I must say, it was the 2nd hardest thing I have ever lived through. Losing my best friend, Judy, to sudden death in 2000, was the hardest. Still, almost 7 years in October...it's still hard....When I think about it....it seems like she died just a few short days ago.

I think I have cried at least once a day beginning in June, aniticipating Elliot's move to NYC. How am I going to be able to let my 24 year old baby go ! I know it's time to spread his wings. However, I had him for such a short time. He's grown up so fast. I'm to young to have Empty Nest Syndrome !!!! I know I have two other children....who I love dearly.....but there is a special bond with this child....Mostly, I think, because he's gay like me....and I relate to him...and secondly, I adopted him as a much older child....technically an adult...but emotionally, still a child. We could have adult conversations and could somewhat relate to one another. He came into my life when I so needed to keep busy and care for someone, especially, since the biological kids are with their mom half the time.....and I came into his life, when his "blood" family had abandoned him and were showing him no support. Now...after a few short years...getting him threw undergrad....I'm here....leaving him in NYC and back here in NC...to only talk to him by phone and IM. Fortunately we have webcams...so I can seem on occasion.

The tears come easily and often. The first two weeks were the worst. Not only had I moved him to NYC. The day before we moved him there....we moved my things out of the apartment, back into the house that I had built for my ex wife and myself. I bought her out and she was moving on. The biological kids begged me not to sell it....and for their sakes, we're staying in the house. Remodeling is the word of the day.....but it's hard...really hard.. I shut down the apartment that I had lived with Elliot....and moved to the house that I had such bad, marital memories....A part of me feels as if I not only closed the apartment...but shut the door on my life with Elliot...being he never lived in the house....However, On the upside...I'm doing everything in my power to turn the house upside down....to cleanse the bad memories....to cleanse the sense of joint ownership....and move on...to realize...I own this home...it's mine and all 3 children.....Elliot will be here at XMAS to see it. Fortunately...I will be in NYC to visit with him at Thanksgiving....but there are days I wonder if I can make it that long without seeing him. I have never been without him since he came into our life, no more than 2 weeks apart. Now it's a month !!!!!

I'm not sure that I am expressing the deep emptiness I feel with Elliot being in NYC. The lonliness I feel is deep and so raw. Jessica and Andrew are great kids and having them live with me full time now...really helps, but my family is not complete right now. I'm wondering if it ever will be...except for Holidays and vacations. UGH !!!

It's been a month since moving him there. The emotions are not quite so raw. I haven't cried in the last week. Maybe, I'm adjusting....HA. NO...instead...I've been really insecure about our relationship....I am so afraid he's moving on. However, his comment is that he's moving forward not moving on

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irene 28, Female, New York, USA - 15 entries

Sep 2007
2:42 AM EDT

Now he is mad I warned him that I would hurt hi if he eey hurt yy friend or me again I would hurt him

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koolkat 26, Male, New York, USA - First entry!

Aug 2007
9:07 PM EDT

THERE ARE THESE BOYS, David ,Terrelle, Brian, and Khyan.

They are some of theboys that like me that it gets to the point

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nodeadends 17, Female, New York, USA - 29 entries

Aug 2007
2:04 PM EDT

I finally got the keys to the apartment. I feel a little relieved, I can breathe a little easier. this is the shortest entry will write more in a few days.

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1 comment(s) - 08:13 PM - 07/29/2008

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couturevixen 37, Female, Wisconsin, USA - 10 entries

Aug 2007
7:43 PM EDT

Well I'm enrolled in school & my 1^st day was scary, exciting, and my start to a positive 2008. My class ended early 6:30 & my mother didn't come pick me up until 8:47pm. I was pissed and then if shit couldn't get any better we got a flat tire down the street from the school. My ass hole poor excuse for a man dad was trying to tell my mother to deal with it on her own instead of being a man & coming right away to get us. These are the reason the hate in my blood for him runs so thick. Gratefully the tow truck came in less then a half hour. I'm home now feeling good still that I'm in school. Can't wait until tomorrow. Class is from 6:30 to 9:25pm. I seen one cute black dude well dressed to but I'm not interested I'm focused. One black dude tried to get at me. He cool much older then me but he is not my type at all. Not many black people out in mequon but I see some girls who may be cool to get to know. This should go well. Looking forward to the growing experience that this will bring.

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Holly 51, Female, New York, USA - 42 entries

Aug 2007
4:22 PM EDT

Buddy the cat is healthy now. He didn't need the operation. I am soooo relieved!

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cutieemuffin 33, Female, Ohio, USA - 6 entries

Aug 2007
3:31 PM EDT

Well today was the first day of school and i thionk it went ok its just i dont wanna graduate cause i have no idea what i wanna do after and i no if i take a break im prolly not gunna go back.... i just dunno everythings just so confusing... and lately ive just been so stressed..... see we were helping a friend move and i just got paid so i had all this money and this guy stole it but hes like denying it so i just dunno we called the cops but wehat are they gunna do about it ya no... it just bothers me cause i really need the money i have to pay for my school when i decide what i wanna do and i was planing on helping my mom with my school clothes cause she dont have a job anymore and then all this shit happens..... o well i just dunno and im having a really hard time dealing with everything

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kitty 59, Female, South Carolina, USA - First entry!

Aug 2007
10:33 AM C

Hey i am new here.

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VyVy 31, Female, California, USA - First entry!

Aug 2007
8:12 AM PDT

My "finest moment" was when i was with my friends, that's it, until a couple months ago!!! When i first came to U.S, i didn't have any friends and did not understand the language, it was when i met T. She helped me with a lot of things and i thought we were good friends. When i brought her home to introduce to my mom, mom told me that she thinks T. wasn't a good friend and i should keep a distance from her, but i didn't believe my mom. I thought she was just being overprotective like most of the parents do. Then, we went on to the next school year, we met a whole lots of new friends and made it our small army. At first, everyone talked to me, asked me for advices, said they couldn't do without me, etc..... Then, T. took over. She was now the center of everything. She shanged from a serious person to the kind always acted dumb enough for people to think that she's cool!! I was okay with that. I mean, i never really care about being the center of anything. All i ever care was that i don't want to be left-out. Then, after T. changed, i made friend with another girl, H. At first, i thought she was a good friend, but she'd proved me wrong, but i was stupid enough to believes that she'll change for me because i was a good friend to her and eventually she'll notice that. But no, she betrayed me lots and lots of time. Then, as our freshman year was about to end, everything broke out. T. led her little group of friends into bullying me and H. was the one who passed her all the information about me at the time when i thought she'd stick by me. After i'd found out the truth, i felt like a biggest fool of the world. Betrayed by my own best-friends, left with miserable and grieves. Throughout everything, i've learned not to trust anyone anymore. I'd poured out my own heart to them, but what did i get in return? BETRAYALS!!! Now, my "finest moment" has become my "saddest experience"

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