scarlett's Journal

 
    
27
Sep 2007
7:52 AM EDT
   

ok, so. i went back for a visit...and was late. my fault for getting the apt. time wrong. what does he tell me? spell everything backwards, use even letters, anything to make you not like doing it. great. good idea. it might work (option 1). option 2: the whole point of going to him is because the OCD is becoming disruptive. now, really, i do it most of the time without thinking and it /still/ bothers me. if i had to sit and think and consciously decide to spell a word backwards...i think that might be a bit more 'disruptive'...therefore, it doesn't work. option 3: the scary one. spelling backwards becomes a new compulsion...one more thing that i can't quit doing. counting steps, fixing arrangements, stepping on particular bricks, tearing my fingers apart, rocking, singing songs for months and...spelling words of odd and even lettersforwards, backwards and all the time. great. beautiful. damn; i hope this works.
so...academics? not bad. in one of the top 10 liberal arts colleges in the USA and i'm holding my own. B in english and the class average is a C...i can handle that. feel kinda crappy most of the time.."why am i here?" etc. it feels good to achieve something, even if it is just a passing grade. bio test back next week...we'll see. if im going to spend my life in the field...eh...tests had better go well. religion...have a meeting. we'll see what happens. acting...is fun. as usual. i miss being on the stage. "You should be an actor!" they say. "I am!...or I was...I mean...if I'm not currently acting, am I an actor?....actress?"...they were just being nice...they've stopped listening by now. except for one. have you ever noticed? in a large group, there is always that one person who was listening? usually it's someone different each time, sometimes it's you. but something in your tone or your words or your stance has captivated a part of a listener. there's a focus of concentration that gathers and attaches itself to at least (at /least/) one person..and even if it is just for a second, they are actually really listening. maybe it's a personal phenonmenon. maybe i'm just really tired. option b.
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scarlett's Profile

  • Username: scarlett
  • Gender / Age: Female, 37
  • Location: Bahamas
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    SCARLETT's Interests:

    About Me: Bahamian. Boarding School in CT. Davidson College.

    Interests: theatre. bio. books.

    Favorite Music: Anything.

    Favorite Movies: Requiem for a Dream. The Prestige.

    Favorite Television: L Word. The Big Bang Theory. Family Guy. Elfen Lied.

    Favorite Books: Everything.