mistaken4u's Journal

Sep 2006
4:06 AM ACDT

Ok so today is the 3rd anniversary I have been with Michael, It's kind of funny, you always see a shit load of chicks that count the days and want gifts for every like two weeks they are with someone. And if that’s a sign as to how fucking long a lot of chicks can stay in a relationship that’s just fucking pathetic in my eyes. I don't think that you need to give presents on an anniversary, isn't it thanks enough that you are with that person? I mean fuck I didn't even REMEMBER Michael did ha take that all you dumb asses. I Couldn't care less as long as I remember "around" the time I’ve been with him, Because what the fuck is the point it counting the years when I’m going to be with him for the rest of my life? Hmmm.. Not much point to it. So Michael pulled me aside, Said happy anniversary and that was damn enough for me, I couldn't ask for anything more. Just a few minutes for a hug makes me happier than any pathetic gift that will ultimately end up a worthless piece of shit in a few years anyway. Such value on material things it makes me sick sometimes how most people feel the need to validate their importance with useless objects. *shrug* Not my problem. I mean sure I like buying things, and I like owning things I like, but I don't use them to show I mean something, you don't need anything for that. I don't need a fancy house or car to say, "Hey I’m worth something". People who do will end up alone and have nothing anyway so why bother at all. So I sit here, fuck all food and nowhere to go, but happy as a pig in shit or however that saying goes. I couldn't want anything more right now.... well maybe a pack of smokes, but apart from that...there isn't anything I need. I guess that's the great thing about being happy. You don't really want or feel the need for much else. It's kinda nice. I remember what it felt like to want everything, to waste my money of pointless garbage. It was a pretty hollow existence, and I’m still only now recovering from the hole I ended up digging myself into. But now I just don't care, I don't give a damn. Maybe that's because I can't trust anyone (my friends) OR maybe it was just a sign that I don't NEED them. That's more plausible to me right now. Sure I do have friends, one's that have been with me, since I was 4 years old and didn't know what life was going to be like and played barbies in the driveway and their great, But I just don't care to try and forge any new friendships with people who are going to backstab anyway. Not really my style. Started reading this book that Jen leant me a few days ago called Life Magic, It's all about the goddess and gods in various cultures, and it's been a pretty good read. Very interesting information. And something a little different to what I’m used to reading. Normally I prefer the Fictional variety of books, anything from the Alien's series to Anne Rice and Steven King, Even a bit of Christopher Golden (aka Buffy the Vampire slayer series of books). So it's been a nice change so far, and I still have a few other interesting books she lent me to read. I may even read them a few times before I give them back to her, just so I make sure that I absorb the information in them properly. I tend to find, when I read a non-fictional book my mind has trouble remembering exactly what I was supposed to have learned. So I need to read it a few times for anything to really sink in. That always make School pretty hard, with homework and all, as you get week to read one book once, and then have to answer questions about what you had read, yet most of the time I had trouble remembering even a third of what I was supposed to have learned. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I left school, one of many reasons, but still it really added to the problems I think. I've been temped to go to Tafe and learn what I missed out on in the later years of high school. But really I wouldn't even know where to begin. I don't even know what I’m interested in, or what at this point of my life I want to DO with myself, never mind taking that first step and starting somewhere. So i've just taken to letting life teach me what I need and learn anything I’m interested in from books at home and in my own time. I guess that’s why after high school distance education never worked either. Sure I have the opportunity to learn things on my own terms, but what I was learning wasn't my choice and always seemed bland and uninteresting. So I never really made much effort at it. I kind of wish I had now, or even that I’d tried harder to make the whole high school thing work, but there's really not much point in wishing about that now as I can't go back and do it again. I can only go from where I am now, and try to make up for what I missed. It's frustrating too, I see Michael’s brothers starting to make the same mistakes I did, and really not be able to do anything about it. I just KNOW that if they head down the same path, they'll get to a point in their lives when they wonder what it would have been like if they'd stayed in school and prepared themselves better for their lives ahead. But really their ain't jack I can do to stop them from making those same mistakes I did. It's something you have to learn for yourself, but by the time you do learn, most of the time it's too late to do anything about it really. Hmm so wow this has been a bit of a rant/thought blog/entry. I wasn't intending to write. But still it's good to just get it down and not have to worry about it anymore.

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Username: mistaken4u

Gender / Age: Female, 39

Location: USA