avrgechika92's Journal

today has been miserable, beaten by my mother for talking back and being stubborn, sick and losing my voice, and arguing with my loser bf about getting a job, studing for his GED and getting his tags on his car so he can come see me, which requires a birth certificate which he doesnt have, and all in all i end up staying home alone like a loser on a friday night with nothing to do. i jas i don like who i am. im that loser gurl that sits home on a saturday with nothing todo. and all i can do is wonder why? why im i here? is it because im thicker, is it because im not pretty? is it because im a bitch? is it because i moved here last year? i mean what is wrong with me? im so confused. i just hate who i am. im that bum gurl..all i can think to fix this problem is to lose weight, and to keep saving up money for a car that way i can get out of this dam house and go places and meet people and have fun. its just takin so long. and i keep on fkn up on tryin to lose weight. i just dont know where to go from here. and my bf doesnt make it any better since hes 45 min away. i just wish sometimes i could wake up as another gurl. the beautiful one, or the smart one, the talented one, the popular one, i am the unknown. and im a fkn senior and i havent been to one BIG party in my life. its just so hard for me to adjust. everywhere i have ever lived i had a group of friends and i could of grown up with them and been happy but no. i just leave and move. and try to make good friendships all over again..but its hard. ive only been here for a lil over a year and so far ive been in out of girl groups its like i dont belong anywhere. i just feel left out, isolated, lonely, the only time i really feel happy is when im with him. because he makes me feel like im special.