vflow99's Journal

Feb 2011
7:03 AM PDT

grandma joyce

grandma died today. i almost cried.� then i realized how dare me cry when i didnt call at all since i left. she doesnt deserve my tears. I am saddened. I called chicago and spoke to�my cousin I didnt even know what to say.� i know this is a big loss for our family and the burden of her departure will be felt by all of us especailly her children. I dont want to go to the funeral because its going to be a mess. everyone trying to get a hold of her belongings and i dont want to be apart of that. So grandma this is for you. I love you and I will miss you.� you were a special person and your life will always be remembered. If you see my mother tell her im sorry for all things i never said to her and for not being there when she needed me then give her a hug and tell her youre home. rest in peace grandma. i just realized my mothers bday was yesterday and my grandma died today the day after god please have my grandma and mother i want so desperatlely for them to be in heaven with you.

Add comment

1 comment(s) - 09:13 AM - 02/09/2011

Jan 2011
11:20 AM PDT

counseling

why i think i need counseling. well im not assertive until i get mad. people keep taking advantage of me. i cant form lasting relationships because i dont trust people.� I have no confidence unless im faking it. im not over the rejection of my marriage.� i deserve to walk in my greatness.� In my search for empowerment i found a radio blog about clarity man it was very informative.� the power of visualization i keep hearing about it but now im going to act on it. im also goin to try to find a retreat i can go to to continue to heal myself

Add comment

Jan 2011
7:27 AM PDT

action without failure

thinking of what i would do if i knew i wouldnt fail is unfathomable because i always think of failure.� last semester if affected my ablility so much i even sucked at public speaking and thats been my trademark for years. This semester im not letting failure get inthe way im all about my strengths and nothin gis going to stop me.� so if i knew i could not fail???? at this point in my life i would build on marital and parental relationships as a motivational speaker and life coach.� I just want to help people be happy and what better place to start than in the home.� so many of my friends are in turbulent relationships and so many young children are dealing with turbulent households i would love to be the effective intercessor of sorts in their lives to help them gain spiritual and social strength to progress. now back to the HW i stopped doing so i could� focus on thistopic grrrrrrrrr �time for me to progress.

Add comment

Jan 2011
7:39 AM PDT

crying for them

God im doing this presentation on wrongfully convicted prisoners and it brngs to to tears.� I hate seeing how they have no knowledge of new technologies nad no relationship with their kids. Its not fair, I feel myself well up with anger against the injustices. Some of these exonerees have found a forgiveness so strong and so prosperous that Only you could give it to them.� I pray for this forgiveness. you know i hold so much frustration against people who have wronged me help me to let it go. i used to love so blindly and now i cant trust people let alone love them.� Help me to become more assertive soi can adequately confron tmy aggressors then release the anger i have for them.� Use me lord please to make a difference in the lives of those who are unable to help themselves. I need you to need me lord because im wasting away. �

Add comment

Dec 1969
6:00 PM

better than people

i consider myself a good person.� However i have faults, sometimes in defense to people who i think are being malicious towards me i become indifferent to social situations a fancy way of saying i start to put off a vibe like im better than them. when the reality is its just my way of handling the negative pressures of life as i perceive it.� i want people to like me and� i want to be a help to others but thehonest truth �is i dont trust anyone at times not even my kids.� 18 year old paradise often makes me feel like she is in competition with me or maybe its me im not sure. im so wishy washy in in my emotions i dont know who i am or what im capable of.� GOD i just wanna be useful and i just wanna a reason to smile everyday.� please help me deal with these insecurities and perceptions i hate the person i am. how do you get here im 37 years old and i dont even know what i wanna be when i grow up. My kids deserve a better mom and well my husband or x husband now got out as soon as he could take care of himself. he deserves a good wife. sometimes i wish i could have been her other rimes i feel like i deserved a better husband.� so lost so confused so hurting help

Add comment

Jan 2011
8:44 PM PDT

venting

im so happy i vented to My girl T. she really made me understand the premise of other peoples feeling are not on me, it is on them, how i handle it is on me. i love her for loving me. i needed that. i am so glad i got out my intern as well. Ms r. is so full of lies, its never ending and i have no time for it. I feel reinvented. now i just have to wait to se how the program handles my departure grrrrrrr

Add comment

vflow99's Profile

Username: vflow99

Gender / Age: Female, 51

Location: USA - North Carolina