I am so confused right now. I mean, I went to the psychiatrist place the other day, and I was thinking, omigosh... i can probably get better! thats all i really want. but then... the lady said that she would have to be able to look through my mom's past and everything, and mom would have to get treatment before she helped us. mom refused, so the place said that they couldn't treat me or my brother. now i feel so hopeless, like now i'll never get better. I take like, 7 or 8 allergy pills when i get home.. 'cause i just want to sleep the day away. nothing is going right.
but there are people who are worse off than me... who have been through worse things... and they're fine! and here i am, a little whiny baby. but i cant help it, and i want to... so bad. i dont want to be like this anymore. but i just don't know what to do. i feel like all i do is complain to my friends, so i try to be quiet and not talk, but then i make my friends feel bad b/c they think something major is wrong with me. i dont want to make them feel bad like that. this is MY stuff to deal with... they shouldnt have to suffer.
I thought about quitting my job yesterday, 'cause all i wanna do is go home and lie down. i dont want to go to school in the morning. that is when all the stress starts. i mean, i only have 2 As now! 4 Bs!! Maybe even a C! What is happening?? So now I have to work to get those way up.... i have to worry about my absences... i have to worry about getting to work and making enough money... college is starting in like.. 5 months and i have to be ready for that... what if i lose my scholarship?!? How am i supposed to pay for college??
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