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Total public posts: 9 |
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Wednesday - Apr. 11, 2007
- 5:14 PM - EDT
- #9
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wow, today has really switched the mood of the past
couple of weeks. It's been a high stress situation
ever since the beginning of spring break, to find a place
to live. before yesterday, it looked like we were
going to have to settle for a place on Heil, with a crazy
landlord and worrying about Lady and the busy street just
out side. After we lost our back up house, and the
crazy land lord didn't have an answer to for us, I
scouted around our old neighborhood and luckily found an
awesome place that just went up. This Land lord is
all business and had us approved and signed within 24
hours. The excitement is extreme and we all can't
wait to move in. I'm a little nervous about money
but I also just asked for my old job back. My
organization is at it's best in ages, and I'm
feeling more and more confident about what i need to
accomplish and how. My high rantings on April 7th really
nailed so much about what i need in life that i feel like
it's a manifesto or something. I also just got my
motorcycle back and it's running the best it ever
has. My surfing is getting back to normal,
though my shoulder has become a serious issue that needs
to be addressed every day. It's already constantly
painful and I worry about it being chronic. I have
found that if i focus on it before bed, really work it
and stretch it, that it doesn't usually hurt as bad the
next day. I also just started printing photos off
of the epson at school and recognize that step in
completing more of my work.
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Tuesday - Mar. 6, 2007
- 5:07 PM - EDT
- #6
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I'm just recovering from the weekend still. after
saturday with tyler, snowboarding and the girls' dinner,
I worked with jeff for about most of sunday and monday.
We shot in this huge mansion above santa monica that had
one of the best views i've come across here. You could
see catalina island and downtown la and even the
mountains behind. it was a stand out beautiful day and
so where the models and hosts. The view was also
increadible during night. the guys who lived there seemed
like a bunch of kids like us, just everyone was someone.
one guy wrote for Law and Order, another ran one of the
top selling dub wheel companies, another did top
advertising. it was even crazier that each one was
amazingly cool. they cooked us fish tacos, got us beer
and were eager to help out. amazing guys and invited us
to party with them for st. patties. I'm worried about
having to choose between tyler and the guys jeff and the
mansion. the shoot went forever and i was blown away by
how much jeff works, when after we got back, he
immediately sits down and starts working on his photos.
Monday we shot in huntington and a TV crew from USA came
to film us. we had three girls and spent half the day
watching them set up the show for jeff's interview. this
angle, now this angle, now again. it was so lengthy. I
was a little annoyed when they asked me to back out of a
few of the shots since i was under the impression that
they would interview me too and then i wasn't even
included in the 'set up' shots. i got over it pretty
quick though and started wondering if i even wanted to
shoot this type of photography. I have to find out what
i really do want to shoot.
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Friday - Feb. 16, 2007
- 5:47 AM - EDT
- #3
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The past couple of days have really been 'big' concerning
my existence. funny, i know, but it started with being
the highest i've ever been. I saw myself for 'the first
time' and i also saw a mental image in reality. there
was no imagination, it turned real and as i could search
out, almost touch the mental image, i felt almost an
optical orgasm. crazy huh? I've been lightly high and
out of it since, to the point where what really mattered
started coming back. it was the first time i've felt
free and in the 'now' for a good time, since oz. also, as
i was scanning my marketing book to try and retain what
little i knew to get me by, i noted that i scanned by the
parts that i really wanted to learn. the parts i really
NEED to learn. The fact that i'm taking this class for
my own personal knowledge and that studying for a test
was making me miss out on this learning struck me as
wrong. I gave up on the other 3 chapters and focused all
on the one that i wanted to know. I doubt that i'll fail
and if i do bad, fine. it's only grades and i'll have
the info that i came for. I worked constantly on a bit
of everything today. i probably only had a few hours to
smoke, play video games and flirt, the rest was, well
everything. I saw the constant struggle in my decisions
as i continue on this 'new life' as a goal setter and go
getter. too much time wasted and now i'm going to start
doing something productive. I fought masturbation urges
a few times and realized how much sex has started to
control my life. it was good catching it at the root,
and being able to gnaw away at a few of them to make the
connection weaker. it's not all at once it seems, but
i'll stop it. I'm not just talking about being sex
driven, but also weed and video game driven. i see a
quick picture in my head and i want to go do it. i had
to fight and my motivation kept me going.
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Wednesday - Jan. 31, 2007
- 2:55 AM - EDT
- #1
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I've been back for almost a month now and it's still
hard. Saddest thing is that I feel like i've lost a lot
of the travel feeling and have almost assimilated back
into the L.A. life. Yet, I still look around with pain
to see everyone so busy, so modern, yet still so unhappy
compared to people over in Australia and New Zealand, but
mainly Thailand. I met an extraordinary person today.
He's my new professor and he actually got fairly deep and
philosophical from his own personal life. I could read
the separation from others he was going through... it's
the same look i see in the mirror, and proving me right,
he started talking about how he just got back from a
secluded area. How Trader Joes was where it really hit
him when he got back: he just got back from a place were
he used coconut shells as a stove for the only type of
bread available and here in the States he has access to
12 different types all ready for him. He nailed what had
been escaping me in the form of words: The biggest thing
was the people. people here can ignore you, treat you
different, see you as something other than human. when
you're in a group, you feel judgment, a slight 'on guard'
no matter how small it is at the back of your head for
worry of social criticism. Over there you're another
soul, sharing your time. it doesn't matter what you're
wearing or whatnot, you're just there. These types of
people are so full, yet have so little possessions. He
said he feels more human from his travel, but not to
worry because his egotistical self was going to come out
in a couple of weeks when it wore off. I had to agree in
full understanding and sadness.
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| Username: flopus66 |
| Gender / Age: Male, 28 |
| Location: USA |
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