auxilary25's Journal

Apr 2010
4:45 PM EDT

The Truth

��The truth is Mike is never coming back. When he left and walked through the door no matter what I did in this world to lure him back he never was going to come back just like when Jose left and never came back. There was nothing in this world that I could’ve offered God for one more second with Jose again just like I can never offer Mike anything, not even myself to win him back to be with me. The truth is that I am a monster in disguise, my physical lures you in but once you see the real me all you want to do is leave. Mike is never going to come back; we are never going to be the people we were. The only memory I’ll have of our existence and our happiness are these pictures just like all I have of Jose are these pictures. I have something in me that makes mothers want to pull their sons away from me like they know I'm trouble. Mike never loved me and I have to accept that no matter what happens at the end of the day he’s never ever going to come home. No matter how many nights I fall asleep praying when I awake he will still not be here. I don’t know why I ever opened my heart up to the opportunity of everlasting love; I should have known that a man walking out of my life is my fate. My father did it and every other man after is gone. I am not enough to keep a man, I am not enough to be in a successful relationship, and the reality is that I’m a disappointment. Mike is never going to come home and that’s the root of my anger, my resentment, my pain. I knew all along that my fate was to be a single mom that gave her heart to a man that would never come back home.�I know that there is nothing that I can ever do to undo what’s been done. My life has slipped from my hands and once again I’m alone without love and have a heart to mend. I'm is once again unlovable.
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auxilary25's Profile

Username: auxilary25

Gender / Age: Female, 39

Location: USA - California

AUXILARY25's Interests:

About Me: I'm 21 years old and I'm a university student majoring in accounting. I'm in a relationship right now where I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I truly have no doubt in my heart that this is the man that I want to marry because he completes me in every way. My only problem in this relationship has always been my bfs past. My mind is always going back to his past and comparing the love he felt for them to the one he feels for him. My insecurity has led me to believe that I'm not his 1st choice that he's with me because his "love" left him behind...it was 5 years ago but still the thoughts are there..hopefully through journaling I can get this feeling out of my heart so that our relationship can get stronger.

Interests: I love reading whenever I actually have the time. One of my fav authors is Jodi Picoult. I'm a big Harry Potter fan but unfortunately I haven't gotten around to finishing the last book eventhough I started a year ago.. I love my nintendo Wii and I can't wait for more games to come out. I love to work out 4 times a week because it helps me release my stress and feel good about myself.

Favorite Music: Ashlee Simpson, My Chemical Romance, Jessica Simpson, Daughtry, All American Rejects, Simple Plan, Plan White Ts...and the list goes on

Favorite Movies: Sweet Home Alabama, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Grease, Crazy Beautiful, Beaches, What Dreams May Come, Dirty Dancing, Man on Fire, and Trison and Isolde.

Favorite Television: Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy, One Tree Hill, and FRIENDS!! Everybody Loves Raymond, I Love Lucy, King of Queens, My Wife and Kids.

AUXILARY25's Friends:
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