TrulyMe88's Journal

Nov 2006
2:01 AM MDT

(the heart of the matter - india arie) for those of you who've heard it, is something that i have felt but have not been able to explain it. those of you that know me know that i carry the world on my shoulders and all that i have ever lived through has accumulated and become this burden that continues to knock me down when i believe i am standing on top of it, and it is no longer on top of me. well i was wrong. life is about what you learn but the experiences you have overcome to learn those lessons are not suppose to linger with you. i have realized that our society is fucked up. yes, i mean all of us. the american culture has our mind twisted and manipulated, we have been decieved and we can not depict everything that we say in television. it's acting! yes i am guilty of this, we all are. in one way or the other we try to recreate what we say on tv. whether in our family lives, love lifes, or personal. we can not overcome things the way we do because it's not real! our families can't be the cosby's, we can't have perfect love without frustrating problems that cause conflict that last for days, and we can't come to realization within hours. well this is your reality check so you can at least make an effort to change. i am personally guilty of this. i take the people that have let me down and attached that to their persona. i expect that from them so when they hurt me i'm quick to say "well what did you expect". well you know what i give up. i am starting over. i have learned many lessons and they continue to be reiterated, i obviously didn't learn them properly. so i need to refresh my spirit, lay all my burdens at His feet, and redefine myself. i need me and i need Him that's all. the rest of you are just additions. i love my best friends to death! but they are only additions and it is ok to lean on them when He tells me too but sometimes i have to know that i will be ok if i have to do it on my own. i've always been forgiving but i have never let go. i'm letting go and whether you hate me or love me, appreciate me or ignore me. i am starting over. i'm not telling anyone to come to me with acceptance of what i am doing cause only one person needs to accept me and what i do. i don't need anyone to complete me just add to my life. i need to re-find happiness within myself because i have lost that. my judgement has been clouded and my decisions influenced. i love you all for who you are but i have to be me now. i can't carry you on my back, that's what He is here for. He wants you to come to Him, i'm here but i can't be what He can to you ... find Him. i am finding myself. redefining myself. loving. re-learning. letting go. forgiving. and accomplishing. not for you this time, for me. and if you don't understand it's ok. the more you know the more you don't understand because i am going against the rhetorical. yes it's radical in words but hey, i feel like i need this more now than ever. you should let no one ever tell you who you are. by actions or by words! love you. and when you say you do. mean it. on ALL levels! love is amazing but so is freedom.

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TrulyMe88's Profile

Username: TrulyMe88

Gender / Age: Female, 36

Location: USA - Colorado

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About Me: Most Beautiful & Meaningful saying EVER "As we grow up, we learn that even the ONE person that wasn't supposed to let you down probably WiLL. You WiLL have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your bedt friend, and lose friends you thought you would always have. You'll blame a new love for things that an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose somebody you couldn't live without. So take too MANY pictures, laugh TOO much and love like you've NEVER been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend angry or upset is a minute of happiness you'll NEVER get back..." As a young adult I have more than found myself, I have accepted me! Being inadequate is balanced by my passion for music and creativity. Music releases me. It causes me to soar, to know that I can achieve if I believe. That's why I keep dreaming because I am there and it's all in reach... I just have to extend my hand and open the door. I know that I am not perfect but in my eyes I am as close as I will get, and besides I LOVE my imperfections it's what make me unique. However, there are still things that I need to learn ... one being to LiVE BY FAiTH NOT BY SiGHT. I lose sight and direction sometimes because everyone does but I can own up to and accept my mistakes with an open mind and willingly make a change for the better. I am more than dedicated to my feelings, emotions, and heart but if there is something that will help me progress in life, strengthen my spirit, and become a better person... I'm more than accepting of the idea. I know I will succeed and I won't stop until I do. The people closest to me are a compliment to my life and I thank God for them. Each and every one of them are truly a blessing. No one can ever stop me or bring me down and if you do, trust, it is only momentarily.

Interests: As a young adult I have more than found myself, I have accepted me! Being inadequate is balanced by my passion for music and creativity. Music releases me. It causes me to soar, to know that I can achieve if I believe. That's why I keep dreaming because I am there and it's all in reach... I just have to extend my hand and open the door. I know that I am not perfect but in my eyes I am as close as I will get, and besides I LOVE my imperfections it's what make me unique. However, there are still things that I need to learn ... one being to LiVE BY FAiTH NOT BY SiGHT. I lose sight and direction sometimes because everyone does but I can own up to and accept my mistakes with an open mind and willingly make a change for the better. I am more than dedicated to my feelings, emotions, and heart but if there is something that will help me progress in life, strengthen my spirit, and become a better person... I'm more than accepting of the idea. I know I will succeed and I won't stop until I do. The people closest to me are a compliment to my life and I thank God for them. Each and every one of them are truly a blessing. No one can ever stop me or bring me down and if you do, trust, it is only momentarily.