TheRedGryphon's Journal

May 2007
11:12 AM EDT

My mom lives in utah with my 3 brothers and my little sister and we never have gotten along. I have always admired yet hated my mom because she is the most materialistic person I have ever met. I live in Arizona with my real dad because she kicked me out. She wants mo to move back to Utah so I can live wth her and the sad thing is it is so much cheaper to live there. The apartments are only like 150 with utilities and my mom is rich. I have never thought about it more then today.

My boyfriend of 3 years, the man i felt I was going to marry. the guy that i lost my virginity to and the guy who is my everything doesn't know about our relationship anymore which is absolutly retarded. He says he wants a future with me, he says he wants to marry me. he talks about our kids all the time. Now he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but he claims that he still wants that.

Then, my boss fires me....but he doesn't just fire me, he hires my best friend instead

Add comment

Nov 2006
3:51 PM EDT

~waves~ hi everybody!

Add comment

Nov 2006
2:24 PM EDT

I honestly though that today was going to be a good day. I was exctied. I had a date with a guy named cameron and I was just beaming for it. My dad had to screw over my plans last night so now. thats not going to happen. I am so fukcing pissed he can't just say hey, mechelle I can't take the boys tonight how bout Thursday nite but now my plans are messed up and I get to sit at home and think about how much fun I could be having with him while im bored to death. All my friends knew about it and they were excited as well but for no reason because it didn't happen. Everything in my personal life is messed up because my fucking family won't mind their own business. I would be engaged to Wylie right now if they didn't have to step in and say. I don't think this relationship that you have been in for 3 years is good for you and tore us apart. Thats stupid shit. i think I really am just damned to not find or be with anyone perminently. Its sick even after 3 yrs it didn't work out. He promised stuff to me up and down and it turns out that it wasnt real. I have a letter in my pocket saying you know your the only one I care about" or "I want the rest of my life with you and you can rest assure that I will be there for you when all this time is over." or "I love you with all my heart and I will forever and you can trust in that baby" ending it with YOUR LASTING LOVE AND UNDYING DEVOTION... i might as well have never loved if I knew that he was giong to play with my heart this much. If I knew that it was going to make me feel this way. fuck him. i just want someone who will love me but after a three yr fake relationship idk if I can love someone else.

Add comment

Nov 2006
2:02 PM EDT

All the stuff with my ex boyfriend has been worked out. I think its amazing how things can change in the matter of a dar or two. on monday we went and got Dairy Queen and we hung out just as good friends.It was so much fun and he told me that we had to remain friends. I don't know when I am going to see him again but in a way I think we might have gotten back together because he said he wanted to celebrate our 3 yr aniversary next week. I want to as well so I tolf him that we would talk about it but I dont know what to think about it. Im tired of all the drama but I have a feeling that it might get better. I think that I've gotten over how clingy I am. I promised him I would do my best for him. My friend max told me he liked me but he knew that it wouldn't ever come to anything because my heart is already someone elses. I felt bad but in alot of ways hes not really my type. ~shrug~ Its dumb that I use that clice but u know what I am talking about. I don't have anything else.but I am going to cinema rave on saturday!!! woo! love,TheRedGryphon

Add comment

Nov 2006
2:22 PM EDT

Now for my second entry which I swear it will be a little more interesting...well if you aren't interested in all that pointless drama. I have decided that I am going to my first rave this weekend called Candieland and its pretty big because the majority of my friends know about it. I am not being into that whole scene but I think that it would be fun to try something new. unfortunatly my wardrobe isnt very colorful because im a very earthy person so i think that if I stick out it will be because I will be the only normally dressed person there. I have to work till 11 tonight at the most boring job ever. it makes me want to shoot myself in the face but it pays alright. Although I have mervins, it is good for me to learn what kind of things I like doing. I love food production because of the customer interaction. I love talking, joking and making people laugh. If you try to do that in retail they look at you like youre nutz. Im ok with being crazy but Im not ok with being crazy when people aren't liking it. I just mold to the mood around me and I don't like it when I cant talk to people and make them smile. other then that my day has been pretty good. I think that I might have found a way to move on from my ex bf. Which is weird for me to say honestly, I still have to catch myself everytime I call him my boyfriend. I try to stop, he hates it and I think that he just gets more angry with me. I should start a dating line for me. Number one rule: Must know how to talk instead of yelling because yelling causes no solution.it just gets me to shut down and fester my anger till I break down. thats important. number 2 would be: money cannot mean everything. number three would be: I would like to be somewhere on the top 5 of the priorities of my boyfriend after dating for three years. there you go pretty much I think i am not a difficult person to deal with. HEY IF YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND GO AHEAD AND POST A COMMENT!!!THANKS love,TheRedGryphon

Add comment

Nov 2006
2:37 PM EDT

Today is my frist entry and I have to say that I am glad that I have somothing to write on. The last two weeks have been increasingly hard on me. My Boyfriend of 3 yrs broke up with me because he said that it was getting too expensive. I couldn't believe that someone that I had dated that long had turned into the exact thing I didn't want in my life. I know that our relationship wasn't fair I told him that I would try my best in order to put forth effort. He didn't believe me and he didn't believe me when I said that I was willing to sacrifice later on for him. I was going to move away from everything I know for him and yet that meant nothing. I know you might think that this is a little deep for a first journal entry but I figure honestly I don't have anything to say good rite now. I am usually a bright shiny person(a little morbid here and there but still managable) If you continue reading my entries you might find out that. or you could find out all I do is bitch...damn im sorry then. I have my EX EX back in my life being the wonderful guy he is and his fiance is hating me and I am not doing anything. All I want is for my EX to come back and its stupid because he treated me like shit. I feel like one of those girls that stay in a relationship because I can't get another guy, but I can. Not meaning to be vain but im not ugly and I am nice so why am I so scared? simple because I hate being alone. I love having something inspire(love) me. My lover becomes my Muse and without my Muse its like I can't work or feel good about my doings. "its like trying to cut a tree with a herring..."(shakespeare in love) I wish that I simply could just find something to motivate me again. love TheRedGryphon

Add comment

TheRedGryphon's Profile

Username: TheRedGryphon

Gender / Age: Female, 35

Location: USA - Arizona

THEREDGRYPHON's Interests:

About Me: I am an intelligent person although I am emotional and that usually gets in the way. I just go out of a long relationship which I thought that I was loved in. I guessed wrong, because we are no longer dating. I have two jobs that Im working in order to get a car and in order to go to UofA as soon as possible. I want to get my massage therapy certification so I can make good money when I try to major for Psychology and minor in Law. I am a fake red head cuz I decided that I was not the personality of a blonde. Im very much a pisces and so i need someone who will keep my head out of the clouds.

Interests: I love playing pool, blowing shit up, reading, writing, having deep conversations, fast cars, being myself, grunge music,feeling truely inspired or in lowmans terms in love, I love the ocean, I love rain.I love long baths.

Favorite Music: I love grunge music! but also contemporary NIN,Smashing pumpkins,Alice in chains,Nirvana,Tool,A Perfect Circle,The Cranberries,Staind,Nickelback,Puddle of Mudd,AFI,Alanis Morrissette,the Muse, others to come

Favorite Movies: City of Angels, Fight Club, V for Vendetta, Ever After, Anna and the King,Rocky Horror Picture Show,Anything Monty Python, 16 candles, more to come

Favorite Television: I dont watch television...I don't think anything that decreases your brain waves lower then when you are sleeping is healthy...read a damn book!

Favorite Books: Yay! Beekeepers Apprentice, Monsterous regiment of Women, The Moor, Justice Hall, O' Jerusalem, 1984, Anything Sherlock Holmes, Body of Evidence, Body farm, The red Deamon, The star of India, The angel of the Opera, The Jungle, The Count of Monte Cristo, I know why the caged Bird sings, To kill a Mockingbird, Civilization and its discontents, others to come....