5:40 PM CEST
Okey, so this is my sanctuary, where I can write all of my feelings and stuff, right? There are things that I just can't leave inside. They are like small burning sand grains in my throat, making me choke, so thankfully, my fingers can do the talking for me. I have this problem with my feelings. Yeah, hormones and that kind of crap, but honestly, I’m fed up. Ever since my mom died I just feel lost. It “feels” like that is the worst thing that happened to me, what, like, five years ago. I guess, in a few days or so, it will be six.
��������������� I just need something to blame for my unsocial behavior, I JUST NEED TO. That’s the only hook I have. The one I use too keep me on top, still breathing.
��������������� So, why I’m so depressed al of a sudden, you may ask? Well, there is nothing I hate more, than a lost opportunity. I mean, those things really get under my skin. And that is something I am experiencing in my life periodically. And it’s all thanks to my social awkwardness. Je, thanks. There is this thing I keep on doing, and I still haven’t found a way of stopping myself. I think that I am LITERALLY (not over compensating the word) the only one that has this click in their head, when someone gets too close. I… I just break down. My brain does this memory swipe, when all of my feelings for this dude are gone, leaving resentment behind, so that I could just hide away, from my problems, and all of the feelings. As you might imagine, the other half of the relationship, the not me one, just keeps developing the feelings, which I just threw away unintentionally. While he keeps on loving, I just stop every means of conversation, even being rude, just to avoid everything possible.
��������������� This is the second time this has ever happened to me, and I’m scared. I’m scared, because after half a year, when I drove this person away, and he moved on, I feel so bad, maybe even love. I filed this as relationship issues, but I don’t know what it is. I’m terrified, hopping I won’t push the ones I really care about away. All that I have left is hope, and it just isn’t enough. This is why I am forever alone (maybe not forever).
Frogs and love, Wolfey.
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